When to tell someone about our BC

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chenheart
chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
A friend asked me when the "right time" is to tell someone you are dating that you have had Breast Cancer, and that you are either "scarred" or "rebuilt"? And just how does one bring up the topic with them, anyway? Any advice? Thanks so much!

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  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #2
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    I am not to that point yet...newly diagnosed, just starting chemo next week, surgery is still at least 3 months away, but my general rule for how much to disclose to someone is: how valuable is the relationship, and how long do I expect the relationship to last? For example, my husband is the most important relationship I have, and I hope it will be the longest-lasting relationship, so it is important to me to be as honest and open as possible with him. The Principal at the school I work at needs to know only those aspects of cancer and treatment that may impact my ability to do my job. The teller at the bank does not need to know a thing. I think if I was dating it would depend on how serious the relationship was and how much trust/intimacy was involved. As far as how to bring it up...I might begin by asking if my partner has had experience with a loved one with cancer, or start with an "ice breaker" question about some public figure who has dealt with it, then gradually personalize the conversation as you see how your partner responds. Good question!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #3
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    seof said:

    I am not to that point yet...newly diagnosed, just starting chemo next week, surgery is still at least 3 months away, but my general rule for how much to disclose to someone is: how valuable is the relationship, and how long do I expect the relationship to last? For example, my husband is the most important relationship I have, and I hope it will be the longest-lasting relationship, so it is important to me to be as honest and open as possible with him. The Principal at the school I work at needs to know only those aspects of cancer and treatment that may impact my ability to do my job. The teller at the bank does not need to know a thing. I think if I was dating it would depend on how serious the relationship was and how much trust/intimacy was involved. As far as how to bring it up...I might begin by asking if my partner has had experience with a loved one with cancer, or start with an "ice breaker" question about some public figure who has dealt with it, then gradually personalize the conversation as you see how your partner responds. Good question!

    Thanks, seof~ I will pass that on to my friend! I like your idea of bringing it up as part of a conversation about a public figure with cancer...very clever! Thanks again!
    Claudia
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    #4
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    Tell your friend to follow her heart. I am two years out of diagnois and single.. and I have dated a several guys. I have told every guy that I have dated for more than a month and as of yet I have not had one walk because of it. I have had 1 conversation go very well and another one be pretty hard... but for me it is a major part of who I am. I am just starting to date a new guy... and I have not told him yet... but it is on my list of to do's soon. For me it was a defining part of my life and to not include it in conversation fairly early seems like a deception. So if I think I have a chance of really liking the guy then that conversation has got to come up. I have once managed to get it out smoothly and the second time stumbled over it. But both times it got out and I felt better for not having to somehow hide it. I believe that while I truly wish I had not had to take this trip... that it is part of what makes me up as a person and I am probably a much more empathetic person because of it. So tell you friend that it can be done... and it will be different each time you try to get it out... but it is part of who we are...

    Take Care... God Bless...

    Been there got the T Shirt...

    Susan

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