It seems like such along time ago that I did my battle with my breast cancer, yet the scars and memories are there to remind me. I managed to make it back home to my family and friends after one very long year. I have been back working and getting a small business going has made it difficult to get back to my parents as much as I would. I never realized just how dependent I am on their love and that of all the friends I left behind to move to start this new life.
11 years later and counting, I am finally coming to peace with the life I have fought so hard to have. Though there were plenty of years living in pain that I wondered if it was even worth it. From what doctors were saying back then there would be little hope of returning to a life I once knew. I was just to get use to the way it was and be happy for the life I had. For years I thought just knowing I was a survivor would be enough to carry me through when so many have gone before me...
I remember a trip home after fighting through all the treatments when I knew I finally had to confront that little girl crying inside. I remember visiting all my little girl places I grew from and shedding the tears of loss, for I was having to move on and find a new place to exist.
It hasn't been easy having to go through everything without the family and friends and love so much and I haven't always been so grateful for things I have. It has been a very long road of change and determination but finally 11 years later I feel like I am finally back. I can now work harder on the happiness I so deserve and am now grateful for the time I have had and all that I have encured. I finally know living through my son's life as well as my own that love can truly concore all. I have never been so grateful for all the wonderful role models one tends to forget in earlier years. When we can finally stop defending ourselves we are truly ready to begin our lives. I have never found my heart so open and so engaged in life before knowing now that which was missing.
Being good to myself has been an amazing journey,
let alone forgiving,