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just need a few words of wisdom

EMC20
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2007

My name is Elise. My mom was diagnosed with brest cancer 4 years ago. Which seemed to blow over ok..she got a masectomy and was cancer free. Well, when they diagnosed her they gave her 4 years to live. We're on year number 4. She was just recently diagnosed with bone cancer..it's everywhere. She was taking chemo for a while but soon afterwards the told her that the chemo itself was killing her and she was better off not doing it. So now we know time is coming to an end..Within the past 2 weeks she has gotten to where she cant get out of bed even to go to the bathroom. It's very hard for her to hold a conversation with us because she can't breathe. It happened so fast! One day she was fine the next she couldn't get out of bed. Now the whole family has been showing up. I guess they're kind of saying their goodbyes. My dad is so loopy he doesn't know what to do with himself. I've been over there everyday making sure she's ok and sitting by her side. Since she knows it's about to be her time all these secrets have been coming out of no where....we've heard some very crazy stuff. It's really horrible that now the only conversations we do have is about death or the cancer. All in all, She is the strongest, most beautiful person I've ever met! I wish I had the heart of gold like she does

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7879
Joined: Aug 2005

Elise,

I am so sorry you all have to go through this. This is a time for sharing with your mom how much you love her. I once had a minister tell me how lucky the cancer patients are...and I looked at him with shock...'Why would you SAY that?' I asked. He said, "It gives you the lesson that life does not go on forever, and that you need to repair relationships, finish projects, and enjoy life to the fullest". "Why do some people die, and others live?", I asked. He said "The ones that live still have things to accomplish in this life, the ones that pass, are going on because they have finished their tasks".

As far as dad, Elise, you all are his support. This is a woman he has shared his life with for a long time. He needs you.

Your mom is taking this time to finish things. I once told a man who was dying from leucemia that had small children my thoughts. I told him to write letters, as his strength permitted, to his children to be opened on significant days....21st birthday, wedding, becoming a parent...and give them to his wife.

The sad truth, dearheart, is that we cannot stop the process. Your mom was given 4 years to finish things needing to be done. She is peacefully preparing for her rest.

Put her in YOUR heart of gold...you inheirited it from her...she will live on forever there...

Hugs from a very full heart,
Kathi

EMC20
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2007

Thank you so much Kathi! You really brightened up my whole perspective on things! I really needed that!

May you be blessed,

Elise

kathieb
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi Elise. I am truly sorry to hear about your Mom. You just have to know that just by being there with her she knows how you feel. All that really needs be said by you is to tell her how much you love her. It's truly amazing to watch your parent, who is going through what your Mom is going through, to still be so amazing and strong (I just went through the same situation with my Dad who was strong and my hero through the very end; he passed on March 27). I know how hard this is on you and I will pray for you and your family.

EMC20
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2007

Thank you for replying! She actually passed away yesterday morning....It's hard but she's in a better place now. She went peacefully. I actually went to go be with here yesterday morning. I was there from 7 am then I needed to go to the post office which is less than 5 minutes away from our house I left at about 12:43 then my dad called me and told me the news. She took her final breath at 12:50 She waited for me to leave. I said everything I needed to say to her and I'm happy about that. I know she will always be with me. I'm going to miss her though.

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