THE DRIVE

vinniesmom
vinniesmom Member Posts: 9
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
So its been a while, i don't have a sex drive, i get hotflashes, i turn red, i can't even get off when i do the big "M". What do i do, its been 6 months since i've been done with chemo and i finished Rads about 3 months ago my right breast hurts and i don't want to have sex! DOES THE FEELING EVER COME BACK???????? I feel so bad for my spouse poor guy, although he says he's okay with it, i would hate to keep it from him for the rest of our lives, can someone please give a 29 yr old some reasurance that my sex drive will come back....
Thanks
Heidi

Comments

  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #2
    Not sure I can,
    I have begun to think after all these years that it sometimes is more about our partners than us. I sometimes think there is a huge fear that comes with wanting what we all once had but deep inside never want to do anything that might hurt us.
    Man I better give up on this thinking since the older I get the least able I am to shut my mouth about anything anymore.
    Tara
  • LesleyH
    LesleyH Member Posts: 370
    #3
    Heidi,

    I would bet real money that this problem is psychological, not physical. These are my suggestions. First of all, carefully think about how you feel about yourself. If you want some inspiration about feeling great and sexy after surgery, look at Heather Mills. You might need to see a therapist. The second thing is are you getting enough rest? You need to put yourself first. Now, explore other options. Read books and watch movies that put you in the mood. I don't mean porn, I just mean romantic movies. Let your imagination do a lot of the work. Think back to a time when sex was new and exciting. Are you on Tamoxifen? If so, take it last thing at night. It will take some time to rekindle the drive if it has been a while and you may need to do this solo at first. Use plenty of lubricant. What type of contraception are you using? Condoms may just be the mood killer you don't need. Remember, use it or lose it.

    It is definitely too soon to close up shop.

    Hugs.

    Lesley
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
    LesleyH said:

    Heidi,

    I would bet real money that this problem is psychological, not physical. These are my suggestions. First of all, carefully think about how you feel about yourself. If you want some inspiration about feeling great and sexy after surgery, look at Heather Mills. You might need to see a therapist. The second thing is are you getting enough rest? You need to put yourself first. Now, explore other options. Read books and watch movies that put you in the mood. I don't mean porn, I just mean romantic movies. Let your imagination do a lot of the work. Think back to a time when sex was new and exciting. Are you on Tamoxifen? If so, take it last thing at night. It will take some time to rekindle the drive if it has been a while and you may need to do this solo at first. Use plenty of lubricant. What type of contraception are you using? Condoms may just be the mood killer you don't need. Remember, use it or lose it.

    It is definitely too soon to close up shop.

    Hugs.

    Lesley

    YES, YES YES! Lesley, you are the BEST!!!!!

    After 9 months (sorry), my libido has returned...AND, I am taking Tamoxifen (right before sleeping at night), AND, I have recovered from a total hysterectomy. No need for Replens, if you get my drift!!!!!!!
    I agree.....much of it is attitude. Both his and yours. He is afraid he will hurt you....you are afraid he will, too. You are driving a sleek-downed porche 911, he was used to a toyota camry. I am so full of(blush) hunger...and all because I told myself it is ok....

    I am 51 years young, going on an Alaskan Cruise in June, and have already bought a sexy nighty....

    Yes, it WILL come back....but, just like trying to get pregnant, if you try too hard, it won't work.....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    #5
    Heidi,
    Yes it will come back. If it is painful use replens... I did for about a year... no need for it now... but it was a God send for awhile....

    Also for hot flashes and turning red... try to increase your water intake. I find that if I drink more caffeine and less water during a day they are much worse. So I have become a Crystal Light junkie... never liked the taste of water...


    Kathi & Lesley,
    You guys are what makes this board so much fun.

    Take Care all.

    Susan
  • vinniesmom
    vinniesmom Member Posts: 9
    #6
    Susan956 said:

    Heidi,
    Yes it will come back. If it is painful use replens... I did for about a year... no need for it now... but it was a God send for awhile....

    Also for hot flashes and turning red... try to increase your water intake. I find that if I drink more caffeine and less water during a day they are much worse. So I have become a Crystal Light junkie... never liked the taste of water...


    Kathi & Lesley,
    You guys are what makes this board so much fun.

    Take Care all.

    Susan

    Hey i want to thank you all for your responses they mean alot. I will take all your advice and try the romantic movie thing and use some lube! i do usually use condoms, but they hurt me not that i need them i have chemo induced menopause.
    well once again i apreciate all of you thanks again
    heidi
  • RNHF1986
    RNHF1986 Member Posts: 26
    #7
    Hi, Heidi,

    Don't beat yourself up about it. Overthinking something is never a good thing. Know I'm late with this message, but wanted to put my two cents in. Took me a long time to get back in the swing of things. I wasn't feeling too sexy without hair and with no breasts/nipples. I do have hair now, and tissue expanders. Decided that the rubbing pain around the "treats" was due to needing more lubrication though some stuff stung. I have found most recently that doing something for myself that made me feel pretty (dressing in sexy attire), putting on a little make-up and slowing down the whole process was just what I needed.

    Good things are worth the wait. You'll know when it's right for you and then, go for it!

    Here's to kind, loving sexual experiences for us all.

    Becky
  • dapiek
    dapiek Member Posts: 6
    #8
    My wife was startng to get back "the mood" 2 years after cancer, then more surgeries, the complete hysterectomy and a superrinfection after trying breast reconstruction that failed - has anybody else had major reconstruction problems after radiation - We had just started the replens - anybody know the risks with this and estrogen receptor positive breast CA - hopefully someday her drive may return. In the mean time just let your men know that they are still wanted. This will probably be recieved as a selfish husband just wanting sex, but put yourself in their shoes for just a minute. It is easy NOT to do something you don't want to versus wanting something and not getting it. It is hard not feeling wanted nor needed in a sexual way from the woman you love so dearly. One of the things most missed by me is the "after cuddling" and just the skin contact of being with her. I know she feels depressed and I tell her she is still beautiful, because she is. Her breasts aren't what I want, it is just her. I haven't been the best during the past 4 years or so. She is so much more than I could ever have dreamed the day I asked her to marry me. I don't deserve such I strong and wonderful woman as her. - - sorry this probably goes in another message board but I am here, sorry for rambling
    Greg

Discussion Boards