Oct 17, 2006 - 2:39 pm
I am so glad to have found this site. My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with cancer. (GBM stage 4) He has deteriorated so quickly in just a few weeks. And what a roller coaster that has been. We are in fighting mode, than we are in hospice care, then fighting mode, and currently hospice care again. I feel so alone most days. Although I know I am not. I just feel like I have to keep some of my feelings and thoughts to myself in an effort to not upset anyone and to be the rock of the family. Somehow through all of this, that is the role I took on. I notice it is taking a serious toll on me. I will be driving in my car and the tears just start flowing. I have days that is all I can do. This keeps me distant from those that need me, so they do not have to see me crying and upset. Although everyone else cries at the drop of a hat, I feel I cannot be that person. As I am writing this, I know how crazy that sounds however, I do not seem to be able to overcome the feeling of needing to be the strong one. I am very sad. Sad for the thought of losing a special person, sad for the way he is currently living, sad for my husband, sad for my children, sad that I am missing out on my own children's life right now as we are caring for my father right now. And if this isn't selfish, I miss my husband. Some days I feel like I am drowning!! Any advice would be appreciated.