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newly diagnosed,looking for primary tumor depressed

3graces
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2006

I have been newly diagnosed with metastatic cancer. subcutaneous skin leisons, 2cm tumor on lung, going for PET and MRI to see what else. I know that I need to feel strong and hopeful, but I cant sleep, am thinking about my 3 daughters(15,14,12) and am trying to stay hopeful and positive. I am crying all the time. We havent told the kids yet, because we dont have a complete diagnosis. Its been 2 and a half weeks and I'm so emotional, depressed, worried and scared. When will I get a hold of myself and start the positive thinking and living that I so need to help my body? Any one out there been in my shoes? please help

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

I am not in your shoes, and never was. You might say I was lucky: I complained for weeks about a sore throat, and when I noticed the bump on my tongue, I was IN...tongue and neck cancer, with not much chance to think about things. They sliced and diced and I had rad and chemo, and now, a year later, I still have something of a speech impediment and some issues with food (I Want it, but some of it doesn't want me :))...and I feel very fortunate.

It is no doubt very much harder to have facts and TIME...and TIME...as you do.

I feel for you.

But keep a few things in mind, please. First, I am sure you have told your daughters by now, but if you have not, you should...I coached young ladies in all of those ages (soccer) and they can handle it and you need them as much as they need you....tell them. Second, by now you are already thinking positively, aren't you?

Deal is, unless you are expecting a Nobel Prize sometime soon, the best thing we can offer the world, in my humble opinion, is our joy, cancer or not. Sometimes it takes something like cancer to make us aware of that, but it is so.

I, incidentally, am both a survivor and the son of a woman who had six kids and survived chain saw breast cancer only to die 20 years later from the after effects of ovarian (brain cancer)...and she was always the epitome of SELF. Be yourself, express yourself, express your joy at all around you. It is infectious,and the disease is not.

Joy. Smile. Laugh. It is nothing but a thing. Your courage, your joy, they are the examples for your children and for your husband.

Sounds like bunk, I know, but it is what it is: You are the survivor... you need to start living like one NOW.

I wish you the very best. You are up for it.

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1246
Joined: Mar 2003

I totally understand what you are going through. I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer which spread to my liver. I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary of being clear October 3. My kids were 2, 4, & 7 when I was diagnosed. I was fortunate enough to make it through radiation and chemo without any side effects. I owe that to a wonderful medical team and a positive attitude. BOTH WILL GET YOU THROUGH THIS. You can e-mail me anytime through this site if I can offer you any support. I'm a great motivator, and with each passing day, you will realize the importance of pushing yourself to go one more step further towards getting healthy.

Nothing is guaranteed for anybody. We must live each day to its fullest. It took cancer to slow me down and appreciate every ounce of my life and family. It's very hard at first, but it does get easier.

Stay strong,

Stacy

TereB
Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Hi 3graces,
I am so very sorry you are going through all this, it is hard for everybody and we all handle it in different ways.

All you are feeling now is very normal. It is scary but you can make it through, just give yourself time to go through all these feelings. Like you, when I was first diagnosed I worried about my kids, they were a lot younger than yours. You can explain to them what is going on and reassure them that you are going to fight it. When you do not tell them, they notice there is something wrong and they worry because they always imagine the worst, that is why it is better to keep them informed.

I know that right now it is difficult to relax but try to do it, you need your sleep. Crying is normal and I think you will stop when you decide to put up a fight. It is OK to sometimes not feel strong and be depressed and scared, the thing is not to stay there for too long. This is the beginning so allow yourself to be scared, worried, depressed but then move on.

If you are having a hard time with your depression, some oncology departments have social workers that can help you with that. Family and friends can be a great source of support. The survivors chat room here can also give you support, if you need to talk, they have all gone through the same things as you have at one time or another.

Have faith in whatever God you believe in and do NOT lose hope.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

(((Hugs)))
TereB

thumper0001's picture
thumper0001
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2005

Hi 3,
All of us here have traveled a road not just like yours but close enough to understand. Like you I have 3 children, all boys. I had laryngeal cancer. Like you I was scared and depressed, like you will, I figured out that wasn't going to help me win the war. Attitude to me is almost as important as the treatment, lets go to work on yours. YES YOU MIGHT BE DEPRESSED, NOT TOO OFTEN THE DR DROPS THE BIG "C" BOMB ON YOU. Think I made my point. If you can't break out of the depression talk to your treatment team about it, if talking it out doesn't work do not be ashamed to ask for medication. I wasn't sick a day in my life to speak of and then they dropped the "C" bomb down my shorts.....depressed? Ya think? As for your daughters they probably have figured out something is up. Like my boys they are a probably a little tougher than you think, you need their help and support too, if you think they can handle it this is probably time to tell them what I told my boys. "I have cancer, I am not going to give up, I am going to win and I am going to need your help to do it." They stepped up, made sure that things were taken care of around the house, they were my wife's support system as well and together as a family we gave it our best shot, so far we have won and it's been 1 1/2 years now. You posted 4 days ago, if you haven't talked to somebody about the depression please don't put it off, also if you have problems with any pain or lack of sleep be honest with your treatment team, pain and no rest don't help the attitude either. Drop me a note in the e-mail here if you want and I will drop you my e-mail. Helping others now and again is all I can do to "pay back" for all the help I was given.
Take Care
Be Safe
Get Better
Dennis

Marcijh
Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2006

My husband is going through exactly what you are now.We just had the cat, mri and pet scans, this all started 9 weeks ago, and yesterday finally got the news. Lung, adrenal and bladder cancer, two different kinds. SO only one option here, is Chemo, and our emotions are running way up and way down, and in total mass confusion as you are, I truly feel for you as I surely know what you feel. I do not have an answer, I wish I did, but just wanted you to know you are NOT alone , Hugs to you and try to keep smiling, even though it is so terribly difficult at this stage. The WAITING for test results is just horrible. My heart goes out to you. Marci

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