Oct 02, 2006 - 4:02 pm
Hello again ladies. SS here. I havent been here in so long and though I pop in from time to time to read up on whats happening with my fellow vulvar cancer gals, I haven't contributed anything for quite some time. After just plain crying I have gotten a grip on myself and again even though I am so sad you all are here, I am also so thankful to have all of you. Have been cancer free since 03. My last message I believe was around January of 06. Since then I have fought with a herniated disc and have had three surgeries for that starting in April of this year. I wont go into that but lets just say I have lost my job and my 88 year old Nana has more stamina than I do. So between the various pain meds and steroids I am recovering from that. Unfortunately, I have completely ignored my vagina. So two weeks ago I notice that where part of my scar tissue from prior partial vulvectomy is (whoa, that sentence was a little much)there is an almond sized lump. WTF! For those of you who do not know what that means I think it is best you never find out. Regular Gyn on 9-28, then referred to Gyn Onc on 10-4 Yippee it's biposy time. And this one is not on the surface. Although I have been poked at and cut up so much lately I don't know that it will make a diferrence. So all that being said, God, I got the lesson on the first surgery, I quit my six day a week job and have spent some of the best time I ever had with my 11 year old son. Who is amazing by the way. I have a fabulous husband I am not sure I have totally known for nearly nine years. I don't get surgery two and three, and I definately thought I would have some sort of break here c'mon. So through all my anger, crying and cussing. What now? I just recently came to terms with the way my vagina looked after last partial vulvectomy. I also look back at when I was 24 and was so concerned with what type of scar a laparoscopy was going to leave. Silly girl, had I known then what I know now...Now I have gained so much weight after the back surgeries, I no longer am concerned with my physical appearance, I just really want a long happy and healthy life. Enlightenment is also good. I would almost kill to be able to do a yoga class. All that being said I will pray for all of you and send good vibes. I will check back next week.
PS thank you to the two ladies who responded to my last message. I am always grateful when someone gets my sense of humor as I fear I often offend. Nancy in Tahoe, I am in the beautiful Virginia City Highlands, NV. I appreciate all of your feedback.