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Feels like yesterday

misterguy
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2006

I lot my girlfriend nearly 2 and a half years ago to Ovarian cancer. She lived overseas during our first years of dating and I moved over when they found the second tumor, one they thought to be benign. But was actually somewhat cancerous. She was only 35 at the time. In less than a year and three different types of chemo later, she succumbed to to the disease. I had spent most of my waking hours in the final month cleaning the house, washing her clothes and visiting the hospital. I was also in charge of her care with her and did most of the scheduling of visitors.

After she died I spent the next year working and surviving. Her family had me out of our house within two months. Our mutual friends wouldn't return my phone calls. I didn't just have nightmare, I had daymares too, thinking of all of the horrible things that could happen at any given moment in time. I had some support from some amazing people, but I was essentially lost and am still lost now that I've returned to the States.

Over the course of the last year I've had periods of stability, but now I feel frantic again. I can't get a hold of myself. Situations of friendship and relationships with my family are hard for me. I find myself wanting to be alone, but when I'm alone I feel lonely.

I recently came out of a relationship with a woman who had also lost her husband (albeit in a very different way) and we had been trying to make it work, but it's too complicated. Now I'm obsessing about this too along with thoughts from 2 years ago. In short, I'm a nonfunctioning mess.

I am wondering if anyone can offer coping strategies. I am not particularly religious and I am seeing a fabulous social worker who knows about cancer well. Right now I just can't see through to the other side of this. I know that I had delaying my grief and mourning because I was in survival mode and that this is probably the first official year of getting back on my feet financially.

I know that breaking up with this other woman feels like death too because of all of the things we had wanted to do together but couldn't do. I have had my life thrown around like a rag doll for the part three plus years and I don't have a sense of purpose anymore.

Can anyone offer advise?

AuthorUnknown
Posts: 1564
Joined: May 2006

Hello,

I encourage you to contact the American Cancer Society's National Cancer Information Center. Cancer Information Specialists are available 24 hours a day and can provide you with community resoures as well as information you may find helpful. They can be reached at 1-800-227-2345.

I also encourage you to post on our emotional support discussion board. You may find additional support there as well as in our chat rooms. There are many in our community who have had to cope with grief and loss in many forms and are there to support you.

Take care,

Dana
CSN Dana

arbrab's picture
arbrab
Posts: 55
Joined: Nov 2007

I lost my husband of 34 years to lung cancer, it's been just over 1 year. March 2007. I don't know the answers, but I do know how you feel about wanting to be alone and stressing about everything. I couldn't even think about being with someone else. I don't want to be alone, but at the same time no one can feel the emptiness I have in my heart for the man that filled my life for 34 years. I have a hard time remembering him as he was. Full of energy, hard working, going 24 hours a day. I wish I was as lucky as you to just find someone as a simple no commitment kind of person. But at 54 I don't see anyone in my future. Or maybe I don't want it right now. I also am not a religious type, and people have told me to go to church to get some help. That may work for some, but not for all. I still have days that I basically am a zombie. My thoughts run wild and I can't funtion. My only suggestions are to continue the best that you can. I wish the chat room was open because there are alot of good people in there. When I feel a day coming on that I know that there is nothing for me to do, I drive. I go anywhere where there are no people and look at things, it helps take my mind into a different direction. I also sometimes get alittle lost, so that really helps because I can concetrate on how to get back home. i wish you all the luck in the world. Try to keep on track, it's hard, but keeping busy will also help. Life is a mistery, and no one knows what will happen from day to day.

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