Aug 15, 2006 - 9:23 am
My mom was diagnosed with Stage 4b? NSLC in April 2006 and passed away June 18, 2006. She was only 61 and I'm 31. I'm not sure if she/I even had a chance to pass the initial shock. She willed herself to hold on as long as she could. She is the strongest most amazing mother and best friend anyone could ever ask for.
A bit of background about her and I She has been my very best friend since junior high school and in the past 4 years we had grown even closer. I moved about three hours away from her because my boyfriend was transferred for work but it made us get even closer.
I feel very alone even though I have an amazing boyfriend and my family has been really great and I am so thankful for that but still feel alone and lost. I came back home as soon as I heard she was diagnosed and was going to stay home until the end dr's said she had months only to live not years so wanted to spend every minute with her. But sad to say she just wasn't herself and have a really hard time with that .. she spent her last months worrying about everyone else but honestly think she knew I (the person everyone figured would have the hardest time) would be alright. We were both just glad that we had enjoyed each other and had no regrets or sad feelings ... just thankful we had been so close.
I have still been staying home with my dad whom my mom did everything for ... he is very overweight and so my mom did almost everything for him ... don't get the wrong idea about my dad ... he runs two companies and gets up and goes to work every day ... my mom was his caregiver so he has been really lost himself (We talk a lot but I can't even imagine what he is going through but he is Determined to take care of himself ... he says he owes it to my mom .... so we had to sell the house and move him in to an 50+ condo because he can't do it on their acreage ..
I looked into this website a few times but didn't ever have a chance to get involved with anything and now I'm a bit torn because I don't feel like I can understand a lot about cancer or can relate to treatment things or even empathize with caregivers because I never got a chance to take care of her like I wanted. I still want to continue to learn more and make sure I continue to support but I hurt quite a bit to read stories.
I am also struggling because I have been dedicated to helping my dad and am not sure if I have even started to deal with loosing her myself ... scared that once I get back to my own life that is when I will miss her and need her the most (she has always been my first call in the morning to work and the one I've started everyday with ... I miss her so much).
I'm not sure what I'm looking for but hope posting this is a start for me to begin healing.