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Prostate cancer at 34-need advice

Sacramento
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2006

Hello, my boyfriend found out he had prostate cancer at the age of 33. It has been a downward spiral since then. He is now 34 and has elected to have the surgery to remove his prostate but refuses to proceed until later in the year. He has been suffering from depression and has had thoughts of taking his life. At this time he is seeking no real help because he feels alone and seperate due to his young age. He thinks no one really can relate to or understand him. He would like to have children in the future but the costs, procedures and timing associated with sperm banking is depressing him further. He has now shut me out along with others he cares about. I do not know how to reach him anymore. I do not know how to console him or help him. Any words of advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated at this time. If anyone else is experiencing prostate cancer at a young age or has relative information/stories to share please feel free to post away! :-) Or contact me so that I may have him contact you directly. I want him to know that he is not isolated and needs to reach out to others going through the same experiences. Thank you so much.

RLR64
Posts: 23
Joined: Jun 2006

My husband has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer, also. He is 54 but his brother was diagnosed at 39 and is now 50. He had a RP (surgery) and has been cancer free all this time..no reoccurance at all. I am so sorry your boyfriend is having to go through this at such an early age but reading this forum has made me realize how many young men are finding it early now with the new PSA tests. Proabably, men did have it years ago but just didn't catch it and get treatment. I heard somplace that sperm storage was around 400.00 which considering what it is worth would be a great investment! I have an adopted daughter and I love her exactly as I do my biological children. That is always an option, also.

The path that is chosen for us is not always the path we would have chosen for oyrselves but I believe we can make the most of what we are dealt in life and often the outcome is better than what we would have dreamt for ourselves. God has a plan..we just don't always see it. I think it is normal to feel some depression but taking his own life would just be a "permanent solution to a temporary problem". Try to encourage him to talk to someone about things even if it is not you at the moment. Maybe encourage him to come here where he can remain anonymous but get some answers and encouragement from people who have been there. He is lucky to have you to look out over him. God bless you both as you go through this,

Do tell him my husband had the da vinci robotic surgery and has no incontinence or erectile dysfuncction at all after only 4 weeks post surgery. Men worry about that so much but it isn't ALWAYS a problem.

rogermoore's picture
rogermoore
Posts: 265
Joined: Mar 2002

Sacramento,

I'm so sorry about your boyfriend's diagnosis. However, sad as it is, cancer does not play favorites, young or old, rich or poor, it can and does affect everyone.

Your boyfriend is very fortunate to have you as a supporting friend. This is proven by the fact that you have come to this page for answers. Although I don't have any firm answer for your situation, there are several visitors to this page that have also been affected by cancer at a young age. To name some: arboesch, wade39, jlaw725. You should be able to do a search and locate postings by this guys.

Although I was older (58) at the time of my diagnosis my wife and I were both very concerned about the impact surgery (my option) would have on our sex life, which was very active. As it turns out, I have been cancer free for 5 yrs and our intimacy has not diminshed in the slightest.

Please, and I know you will, continue to give him your full support and, as RLR64 suggested, try to get him to visit this site. Tell him that surgery does not always mean the end of sex.

Best of luck and feel free to e-mail me with any questions you or your friend may have.

Roger

arboesch
Posts: 4
Joined: Feb 2006

Hello! I was diagnosed this past February at age 41. I had the Da Vinci surgery on June 26th. Today is 7/15 and I almost have total continence, and have woken with several erections without the use of medicine.

Your boyfriend is not alone. I went through a living mess when I got diagnosed. Was supposed to get married this Sept, but postponed due to the diagnosis and surgery. After months of research all I wanted to do is end the emotional pain....so I had surgery. I did bank sperm which cost $350 to collect and wash enough for 10 vials and costs $275 per year for storage. They store for 20 years.

It's a hard thing being diagnosed so young, but the alternative is finding out that it is in your bones at a later age. Check out the website 'healingwell.com'. There is lots on prostate cancer there as well.

Goodluck!

Aaron

Sacramento
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2006

Thank you so much for everyone’s positive input. At this point my boyfriend has remained secluded from me and shows no interest in logging on. However, I still have a lot of hope in store for him. I continue to forward postings to him and I am hoping that they are comforting and/or informative to him. Thank you!

lardog
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2006

Hi Sorry to hear about your boyfriend.
You must get him to realize that facts are facts no one is special it stikes many people. It is horribly depressing I was but I was mad and determined not to let it get me. My sister died three weeks ago from a recurrence of breast cancer, having gone through chemo and again the second time along with radiation of the brain chest and and colar bone. SHe was in a living hell for the last eight months.
Most Doctors will tell you that you should get or start some sort of treament with in at least three max to six months.
I was 52 when I was diagnosed March 22, 2006and I had surgery July 14 ,06. I live in Orange county Cal. and went to New York Presybeterian Hospital to have robotic surgury with one of the top Surgeons in the world Dr Ash Tewari. I was continent the day the catheter was removed and hoping for potency to return also. Again I am sorry to hear of his diagnosis but he must do something quickly or he will lose several options if it spreads to lymph nodes, pelvis etc.
Check out other sites such and the Cancer Forum for additional information.
Best of luck to him and you, and don't give up.

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