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Struggling

m_rose78's picture
m_rose78
Posts: 7
Joined: May 2006

I'm new here, My name is Meredith and I'm 28. My dad has been told he's got bone mestatis secondary to Esophageal Cancer. In 2003 he was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma type Esophageal Cancer. He went through surgery, radiation and chemo at the Helen F. Graham Cancer Center in Wilmington Delaware. Everything was fine and he was told he was cancer free in December 2005. A few weeks later he had some problems with his J-tube and was hospitalized with the result being the J-tube being removed and he was put on a PIC line with TPN feeding.
Today we; dad, mom and I found out that the cancer once again reared it's ugly head and struck dad again. This time it has been found in both legs, his pelvis, a rib and a lung. It is stage IV and his oncologist says he can't do surgery because it is stage IV. All they can do is Chemo to stop it from spreading even more. He's on high doses of pain medication for his pain (some type of strong Percoset that works continuously).
I am hurting so bad and struggling to make sense of something that is senseless, to come to terms with him possibly dying from this. I feel so alone and like I'm falling into a big black hole. There are times when all I can do is cry, and other times where I'm ok. I know that my dad needs me to be strong for him and mom, but I don't know how to deal with all this again, and I don't know if I CAN go through this again. I'm a Christian but I'm struggling with how this can happen and I question my faith in this; I know that God is in Control and that this is part of His plan for dad and my family. I need someone to help me deal with this and to let me know that what I am feeling is normal and ok.

Meredith

I'm still living at home due to my own medical problems and such.

8965
Posts: 34
Joined: Nov 2005

Hi Meredith.

I know your pain. Im the youngest of four kids and Im 30 years old. My dad got diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, he had two spots on his lung and one on his liver. My dad before the cancer was in poor health, he had congestive heart failure, and COPD a lung disorder. The cancer was just another setback for my dad. He never gave up, he was also treated with chemo and after 3 rounds his cancer was no longer visable. He was diagnosed in November of 05 and passed away in March of 06. The cancer he beat...but his tired body couldnt fight anymore. You gotta have faith. My dad was in and out of the hospital this last year almost every other week, he struggled to stay alive and he beat a lot of odds. His oncologist said its a shame your so sick with other ailments you responded to the chemo. I say if your having feelings have them...I cry, I get mad, I isolate, all at the drop of hat. Its a lot to deal with, and coming here to this site has made me feel so not alone anymore. My dad never gave up...so I never gave up. Your dad and family is my prayers and thoughts. I struggle everyday and I know Im not alone. The only way to get thru this is together. Wishing you better days ahead.
Christine

Laurak_kcmo
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2006

I'm new here also and I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. My Mom is newly diagnosed with Primary CNS Lymphoma (Brain Cancer.) She has had two brain surgeries in two weeks, the last was the implant of an Ommaya Reservoir and she is scheduled to start Chemo on Tuesday.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. It is so devastating isn't it. My Mom is 71 years old, but the picture of health, on March 23rd she was a vibrant active woman. We are so close and we were constantly on the go and by March 30 she was in the hospital and we were told she had cancer, but they didn't know where or what kind. She was almost totally imobile, she couldn't write, feed herself or control her bladder or bowels. Less than a week.
Meredith, Are you keeping a journal? I have started a blog and it is really helpful to put it in writing. And of course what you are feeling is normal, or as normal as we can be during these times. I pray daily that God take care of my family and show me the way to act and react. It is just so easy to get angry, but it is also not healthy for you. I have also started meditating morning and night and I am trying to get Mom to meditate with me. The mediation that I use helps me release the anger and rejoice in the blessings of life. It may seem that there are few blessings, but once you start listing them and thanking God for them you will truly realize you have many and feel better. I always start with being blessed to know God. It's all good after that!
God be with you
LauraK
you can view my Blog at
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile.html;_ylt=AjqvvDg0erArCklpypvycajEAOJ3

DeannaM
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2006

Hi, my mom also has Primary CNS Lymphoma, she first was diagnosed in 1992, after 6 months treatment she remained symptom free for 13 years, in Jan of this year after some problems a CT revealed another tumor, after a steriotactic biopsy, they reconfirmed CNS Lymphoma. We are currently on Rituximab and Temedor, how about you guys, this is a very rare disease and you are about the first I have been able to relate to , my mom is now 62.

Bunis's picture
Bunis
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2006

Hi My name is chris. First let me say I am so sorry that you have to go thru this difficult time yet again with your dad. I to am a christain but my belief is slightly different. My darling husband has been battling stage 4 lung cancer for the past 18months. From his standpoint he is doing the best he can to try and deal with this ugly monster, plus try and make sure that his grown son's and their children dont stress about his condition. He worries about me and how I'm dealing with it, so I work very hard to keep my spirits up for him I keep me from going crazy. I believe that our God knows we are but mortals here on earth just for a short time and in that time we will have to endure pain, joy, saddness, love, death, but that he did promise us that we would never have to go thru any of this alone. He will be there with us. I don't wont to believe that he causes any of this. It just happens to us mortals. Just believe in him and he will guide you and your family thru all of this. My husgand and I live every day as a new day, we can't change yesterday. But we do try to tell each other and our family what a beatuiful oppertunity we have been given to tell and show each other how much we love each other. When someone is taken from us like say in an accident it happens so fast without a chance to show them how much we loved them. Just use every moment you have as a family to love each other, without fear. God bless you and yours family.

carpe
Posts: 3
Joined: Jan 2004

I can imagine how devastated you are!
Try to find some hope. I heard once that sunshine will flow through a pin hole in a dark tunnel.
What were his symptoms of the bone mets and why the J tube if he was cancer free??
Blessings!
Carpe

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