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HERE WE GO AGAIN. . .

mopar
Posts: 1954
Joined: Apr 2003

Well, surgery was 3 1/2 weeks ago. Doc found and removed a small pelvic mass, so it's OVCA Stage 1C recurrent. However, no mets (lymph nodes clear, washing was clear). Started chemo this past Monday, same as before (Taxol/Carbo). I know I'm six years older than the first time, but please someone explain to me why it is so much harder this time? I'm constantly on the verge of crying. My body totally aches. I can't look at or smell food or drink, so it's hard to take in anything. But I know how important it is to get nutritional support. Anyone who knows me will probably be familiar with my regimine, the one that I believe got me through the first time. I'm not a newcomer to all these side affects. Why am I less able to tolerate this? I guess I'm just looking for some major reassurance here. So, for anyone who's been through this a second time, please give me your thoughts.

My prayers and hugs to all of you.

Monika

jamilou's picture
jamilou
Posts: 202
Joined: Mar 2005

Monika
I have not been through what you are going through but I imagine my emotions would be the same. I have also been six years since diagnosis and if I had a recurrence at this point I am sure I would be very depressed. You think after your five year mark that you are pretty safe. I hope you can find that place in yourself that you need to go to help pull yourself up and out of the depression. If not we all know that the docs can help. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you today.
Jami

groundeffect
Posts: 651
Joined: Mar 2003

Monika, I'd certainly give you a hug if I could. I'm very sorry to hear you've had a recurrance. As you know, I started with 1C, and have always looked to you for inspiration. I know you'll get by this! I didn't have trouble with the taxol/carbo when I had it, so I don't really know what to tell you to try.

It helped that my mother-in-law made dinners for my husband and I for the day I had chemo, and that food would last at least a couple of days-not cooking really helped me. If I didn't want to eat, I didn't, but the meal was there. I did have a craving for chocolate/coffee iced drinks from Starbucks & Panera; they are not really nutritional in the long run, but I'd recommend trying them if you're having a tough time with eating anything.

I hope you'll have good results from your second line. I'll say a special prayer for you tonight.

BonnieR's picture
BonnieR
Posts: 1549
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Monika, sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Taxol/carbo was my first line of chemo and I got so sick from it. I couldn't even stand the smell of food in the house and my legs ached so bad. When I would get up they felt like the bones would break. But it passed after several days and then I would push myself to take walks to help build my strength up. So rest, take something for the all the pain... like I took anbiem to help me sleep through it or ativan to help with nausea and to sleep. Please make sure you tell your doc how hard this is so they give you the right drugs to tolerate the chemo better.

I wish I was closer to you as I would be there in a flash with a huge hug, and some food or something. Also Remember how long you went without a recurrence, they say the longer you go the first time the better the results are when you have to deal with one. So I am confident the chemo will get it once again.

Please let me know if I can do anything, send anything or pray for anything specific. I am here for you. Could you use a prayer shawl? I have a few of them, could send you one to wrap up in? Just let me know. Love n Prayers

Bonnie

mssue's picture
mssue
Posts: 243
Joined: Oct 2003

Hi Monika,
I myself have not had a reoccurence but my Sister has-You have all been so supportive,I really do appreciate everything.I know what going through chemo is like and the thought of having to go through that again makes me cringe!
My Sister is going back to the Doctor today to schedule the rest of her chemo-even though I had to come home ,I wish I could still be there for her.From everything that I read with the carboplatin the side effects only tend to multiply with more dosages and she has 3 more to go.Her last bout with cancer was in 96 or 97,this was a new cancer and staged at a 3.The chemo did work to shrink the tumors,it's just so hard on the body and mind.I find it all soooo disheartening,I can't stand the fact that she's having to go through this again,My heart aches for You too!I hope You have someone to lean on right there with You, as You go through this,someone who really understands what You are going through-Thank God I have free nights and weekends on my cell phone,it enables me to call my Sister on a daily basis and to talk to the rest of the Family when needed, concerning her care-it's not the same as being there but it's better than nothing.

My thoughts and prayers are with You . Bless Your Heart!
(((HUGS)))
Sue

mopar
Posts: 1954
Joined: Apr 2003

I can't tell you how touched I am to have read your posts this morning. With everything that everyone is going through, you still find the time and energy to care about me. My husband has been by my side since my return from the hospital. I see that it takes a toll on him, as he has his own set of problems (needs aother back surgery, on disability from an auto accident, etc., etc.). But my daughters are also helpful, so I have a wonderful support system, including all of you!

I will get lab work on the 14th, and will see my doc on the 29th, just several hours before the next treatment. I will definitely discuss these horrible side affects. It was not this bad the first time. I feel as though my life was being sucked right out of me. My blood pressure had dropped to as low as 89/65. I thought my heart would stop. I spoke to an on-call doctor who recommended several at-home measures to bring up my blood pressure. It took a couple of days to work, I don't know if it will remain stable.

Anyway, you all know the other nasty affects of these drugs, so I won't elaborate. Suffice to say last week was the most horrible of my life. My prayer is that He will be strength in me to endure, wisdom for my doctor, and His peace knowing that this will all work for good. There are so many others who go through far worse than me, including many of you, and persevere. I never was a wimp, always the strong person in the family, now I feel so weak. Maybe we are all allowed that sometimes. I hope my moments pass soon.

My heart is swelling with all the love and hugs today - thank you all from the deepest part of my soul.

Hugs and prayers. . .
Monika

imoan
Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 2006

Hi Monika,
Here's another big hug and a good wish for you to get well soon.Naomi

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