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role reversal, senility?

daxe007
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2005

Hi, My Mom has had lung cancer for over 2 years and although they say she is in remission I have my concerns. She takes too many Xanax abd Vicadin and I don't know what else? She smokes too, she said she quit after siezures last week, but I think she is sneaking them. Anyway, I moved in to take care of her, and she is very resentful and spiteful, even downright nasty. She is moving and hiding things all the time, a real busy body, and now doing some bizare things like using shaving cream for mouse, or hiding things? I am worried, and she won't take suggestion, she sleeps all day, major depression.... I try and get her out, but she is pretty feeble. I am at loss... Dave

CristyM
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2005

Hi my mother in law is in a simalr situation but she was just diagnosed a year ago, she was really getting down because she couldn't get out of the house to meet anyone or talk to friends so after a lot of nagging from me she signed up for a type of adult day care its just a few hours a day when she feels up to it but she says she likes the people she's met there (not to mention its more people she can show off pics of her grandchildren to) You could try to get your mom to go at least once to see how she likes it and this way you'll know she's still in good hands, just a suggestion but I hope it helps

midniteoil's picture
midniteoil
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2005

Hi, Wow, you have your hands full too. You moved in to help her out. That is so kind of you to do. My dad is downright miserable with his cancer right now and literally screams at me all the time for nothing. It is very difficult and feels like you have nobody to help you sometimes. That is when prayers come in real handy.

If she is still smoking, you can't stop her. Anything you say, won't work now, especially if she is taking that much medicine. Sometimes I think they do stuff just to tick us off! Did you try to talk to her doctor, or limit her medicine? I give my dad his pills in a daily container. He likes that. (hard to believe he likes anything right now). My dad has Zoloft and I think it makes him the biggest grouch in the world.

After you make a suggestion, tell her not to answer you now, just to think about what you said. Reassure her that you love her and this must be so hard on her and get out of there when she is nasty. I mean RUN if you have to, before you have to listen to it!! My dad has become so mean, I almost run out of the house when he is screaming at me. He sleeps all day too, and is always freezing. He doesn't know what day it is or anything. I think they are more comfortable being in their own house, and do need that privacy. If she is getting senile, it only adds to your pain.

This is the hardest thing I ever did, so I can relate you you for sure. Get out and do something for yourself Dave. Don't make her depend on you as long as she can still do some things on her own. I didn't move in with dad, but I visit him each day, clean his house, make certain he has food, do the laundry, cut the grass, and whatever you do, Don't move their stuff!!! Good Grief, you will get screamed at too. When I drive him to the doctor, he makes me drive 4 miles out of the way to get home, because that is the way he remembers. If they feel they still have some control of their life, they are much happier.

If she uses shaving cream for mousse, tell her that is too cute. I would laugh and put that in a little journal beside her bed, she can read, like "Funny things Mom Does" and she would probably get a kick out of it. You hang in there, this time in our lives, is probably the hardest test you get. Just make sure, Dave is taking that special time for himself.

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