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lost husband 12-14-04

78MAPLE
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2004

I lost my wonderful husband of 20 yrs. Benjamin was my life. I tokk care of him through his cancer, but he took care of me too. I tried the grief counseling, tried reading all the books, nothing seems to be helping me. All i want is to go be with Ben. Our gravestone is up and has both our names on it. Next to him there is were I want to be. I take his left over drugs every day. 10-15 mil of morphine, ativan, codiene. Mix with a couple glasses of wine is the only way to fall asleep. the 3-4 hours i get every night is worse than just being awake. I cry all the time, I'm tried and can't think, but I hide it well at my job everyday and from my friends How do i live the reast of my miserable life wishing i was dead, all i want to do is be with Benjamin.

survivor-caregiver
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2009

My husband has cancer, I may lose him. Please seek some couseling a venting outlet. These are extrordinary circumstances your husband was your life and you will adjust in time. This emotional pain is temporary, this is very important to remember you WILL NOT always feel like this. Allow someone to listen you and receive some validation for this loss. This is a big change and if you don't have to go through this alone please don't. Where do you live? If you are on this website they have services for you to use. Accept the good this website is offering.

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