Jun 03, 2005 - 9:37 pm
I lost my wonderful husband of 20 yrs. Benjamin was my life. I tokk care of him through his cancer, but he took care of me too. I tried the grief counseling, tried reading all the books, nothing seems to be helping me. All i want is to go be with Ben. Our gravestone is up and has both our names on it. Next to him there is were I want to be. I take his left over drugs every day. 10-15 mil of morphine, ativan, codiene. Mix with a couple glasses of wine is the only way to fall asleep. the 3-4 hours i get every night is worse than just being awake. I cry all the time, I'm tried and can't think, but I hide it well at my job everyday and from my friends How do i live the reast of my miserable life wishing i was dead, all i want to do is be with Benjamin.