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'them bones, them bones'

Christmasgirl's picture
Christmasgirl
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2003

Uuuuuugggggghhhhhh....I feel too young for this. At 32 I was diagnosed with stage 2A breast cancer. Had a double mastectomy, reconstruction, aggressive chemo, tamoxifen, effexor for those crazy hotflashes, thought I was in menopause, started menstrating, only to go on zoladex to stop my periods and now most recently diagnosed with osteoperosis (a word I can't even spell). Now I'm on Fosamax. I've tried researching osteo. and all I find is information about older people. Not young ones like us. Sometimes I feel that I jumped from 32 years old to 64.
Sometimes I feel so alone, that no one understands. I have great friends and an incredible family but still feel a bit disconnected. I'm single and still haven't found that special someone. It just seems so hard now and I get frightened even more because I keep getting older. I have dreams of having a family but these dreams seem so far away. So far that they are out of reach.
I just needed to get a lot off my chest. It's been building up inside and sometimes I feel that I have no one to tell this to.

AuthorUnknown
Posts: 1564
Joined: May 2006

Hello,

You may want to consider posting on the breast cancer board. You may find others there who have gone through breast cancer treatment at an early age who can share their experiences.

I wish you well,

Dana
CSN Dana

luzyvida
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2005

I'm quite a bit older than you, but want to say that as a single woman diagnosed with breast cancer, I also felt my dreams were far away. When I finally agreed to the mastectomy, I wondered if there were enough drugs on the planet to get me to actually show up at the hospital....how do you take that walk into a place that will forever alter your sense of yourself as a desirable, sensual woman? As you know, you just do it. One step at a time. And now there's osteoporosis....I sort of knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would be so immediate. That was a shock. Here's what I find to be helpful: I work with a very knowledgeable naturopath, who also practices acupuncture. I do take Fosamax--and it is improving my bone density, and I work out a gym, 2-3 times a week. That's a must, and has the added benefit of keeping me slim, strong and at peace. (reduces stress.) But all the menopausal symptoms I've experienced have been met with countermoves by my naturopath. It's been a tremendous help to be able to call her and say, "O.K, now my hair is thinning---what can I do about that?" And she prescribed some vitamins that actually work. Vaginal dryness...low libido...same thing. She makes the nightmare go away, and that is priceless to me. Finally, I have to say that out of the blue, when I least expected it...I met a wonderful man that accepts the challenges of my new body, my new relationship to my body, and my skepticsim regarding my desirablity....I never thought I'd have a romantic life after cancer, but I do--and it's great. This is the first message I've written to anyone about the whole experience...I came to this site looking for some information, and read your message. I couldn't ignore it. I'm sending you all the best for your future, which is bright.

adrianjae
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2005

Hi. I had to reply to your message when I saw it because I didn't think that anyone else felt the same way that I did. I was 36 when I was diagnosed with Stage 2A breast cancer. I'm 41 now. Also had a double mastectomy, reconstruction, agressive chemo, radiation, tamoxifen, and lupron. Have those crazy hotflashes you were talking about too. I had a local reocurrence Nov. 04. After PET scan, no evidence of disease. Had 1 month of radiation Feb. 05, and now I'm about to start the 4th of 6 sessions of Herceptin and Taxotere. I haven't seen my period in years, but blood test says I'm not in menopause yet. Who knows, I may be after this round of chemo. Only hair I've lost so far this time is on my head. Nothing like having to wear a wig in the dead of summmer.

I feel so alone much of the time also, because I don't have that someone special in my life. I was dating someone when I was diagnosed. We had been together for 2 years at the time. I gave him the opportunity to just be friends when all of this started because we had no legal ties to each other. So if this was too much for him, I told him I would understand. He stayed, but a year ago he cheated on me and had a baby with someone else. So I left him.

Like you, my family and girlfriends have been wonderful through all of this, but like you, I'm at that point in my life where I was ready to settle down and get married and have a family. Now that I have to start all over, I'm so afraid of being rejected by a man once he finds out what I'm dealing with, and with how different my body looks. My cancer was ER+ so I'm not even sure it would be a good idea to have children even if I can still get pregnant after all this. You are the first person that I've ever shared my true feelings with, because based on what you've shared, I feel like you understand. Thanks for having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings. If you want to chat more, let me know, maybe we can email each other. Take care.

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