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guilty?

allidee's picture
allidee
Posts: 10
Joined: Apr 2005

this might sound crazy, but it's something that i'm genuinely trying to come to terms with. does anyone out there feel guilty for having a form of cancer that is "highly treatable & highly curable"? i met so many people over the course of this experience who may or may not get better, my doctors were alway so positive about my chance for recovery, so in some ways i don't feel like i truly can call myself a cancer survivor....does this make sense to anyone?

ronij
Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2005

I feel the same way. Every time someone tells me how sorry they are, I think how much worse it could be. Then I'll feel quilty for being in remission when some people with the same DX aren't.Recently I found two new lumps and realized my battle might not be over, might never be over. The lumps seems to be an infection.( I hope)Call your self a cancer survior and be proud. You've one a battle that many have lost. Being a survior comes with guilt. You hear about it with 9-11 all the time. They seem to just come together. Why me? There is no answer I can give you just to say you're not alone.
WebMagic.com has a forum for hodgkins that's helped me so much. Guilt/Fear seem to be my primary emotions lately.
I wish I could offer more.
Best of luck.
Roni

karieallen
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2002

oh, yeah.. there is some guilt. one of my coworkers was dx'd with a rare form of cancer (stage IV) one month after I was dx with Hodgkins. He survived only 14 months. and here I am over 5 years later, still going strong.
I also have a good friend who is HIV+, who constantly minimizes cancer, and he minimizes my experience.. he is jealous that I am cured, and he is not.

my suggestion, never minimize your experience with this disease. It is still a serious illness, and deserves to be treated as such...and try not to compare to others.it has little value. you would always be able to find someone worse off...I work at living in gratitude for my positive outcome, I look for the lessons my journey taught me..

and finally you are a "cancer survivor"..congratulations. best of luck, and best of health
;-) karie

truejoy8's picture
truejoy8
Posts: 41
Joined: Jan 2004

You are a survivor. I felt that way when I first went into remisson. It's a form of survivors guilt I think. We see people suffering so much and even dying and don't give ourselves credit for what we went through ourselves. Chemo and other treatments are HARD. I felt a little guilty that I had such minimal side effects with my first round, but it still was awfull. What you went through, emotionaly and physically is unique. And what you are going through now is all part of it. Congratulations on being a true cancer survivor. Good luck with all your healing.

positive
Posts: 75
Joined: Dec 2003

Dear Allidee:
You should not feel guilty, Hodgkins disease should not be taken lightly. If untreated it is a very serious disease. You still have to go through chemo and sometimes radiation. Yes, I understand how you feel, my neighbors mother died of lung cancer and she'll ask me how my dad is doing. My dad is a survivor of Hodgkins Disease stage IIA. He was diagnosed at age 71. Its been a year and he is doing quite well. Feeling guilty is by far the last thing you should waste your time and energy on. You have gone threw alot yourself and you did have cancer. so you are a genuine cancer survivor. God Bless and so happy for you.

kiren
Posts: 40
Joined: Jul 2004

I am a HD survivor (6years), for me surviving HD is a continuous battle because even if we ae cancer free we have to constantly be on alert, and then somehow I think we always are fighting the side effects of treatments we received. I have now become so sensitive to household cleaners that I have difficulty breathing if I use any. Also once U get any cancer there is a high risk of getting any other caner. after my 6years of survival I had tongue cancer totally unrelated to HD( I am again a survivor 6months). SO I think instead of giult we should be thankful for each day we are cancer free and healthy.

lloydskid
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2005

I'm so glad you addressed this, Ive been feeling very guilty and wondering if anyone else felt this way.

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