Apr 18, 2005 - 3:18 pm
Hi guys, I haven't really posted much lately, but I do read these posts every single day and keep us all in my prayers each and every day.
I just wanted to vent a bit b/c I'm just so damn down lately. My dad is doing wonderfully, thank our good God, he was diagnosed last July, stage 3, but I'm stillhaving a super hard time getting over everything. I hate what this disease has done to my family, meaning it has robbed us of our piece of minds, and I am just so so so DAMN TIRED of thinking about cancer almost 24/7. Friday, I had an appointment with my primary physician for a simple yearly checkup, and he actually told me I looked like I aged 10 years! I guess some people would be mad at that comment, but I've known this guy forever and I know he's just worried about my well-being, but truth be told, I feel like I've aged 10 years. I honestly don't think my dad is even as worried as I am.
Please don't think I'm crazy, but I have thought about seeing a psychiatrist at this point. I need to get on with my life but I just don't know how to anymore. Cancer is ruling and ruining my life.
I keep on thinking my dad's cancer will come back. If it God forbid does, I know I will not be able to handle it again. I barely kept it together last year, even though I never ever showed it around my family, especially Dad, but I know I will never be able to do that again.
ANyway, I just again wanted to vent. I am obviously having a very bad day.