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cancer is so depressing

juliababy
Posts: 130
Joined: Sep 2004

Hi guys, I haven't really posted much lately, but I do read these posts every single day and keep us all in my prayers each and every day.

I just wanted to vent a bit b/c I'm just so damn down lately. My dad is doing wonderfully, thank our good God, he was diagnosed last July, stage 3, but I'm stillhaving a super hard time getting over everything. I hate what this disease has done to my family, meaning it has robbed us of our piece of minds, and I am just so so so DAMN TIRED of thinking about cancer almost 24/7. Friday, I had an appointment with my primary physician for a simple yearly checkup, and he actually told me I looked like I aged 10 years! I guess some people would be mad at that comment, but I've known this guy forever and I know he's just worried about my well-being, but truth be told, I feel like I've aged 10 years. I honestly don't think my dad is even as worried as I am.

Please don't think I'm crazy, but I have thought about seeing a psychiatrist at this point. I need to get on with my life but I just don't know how to anymore. Cancer is ruling and ruining my life.

I keep on thinking my dad's cancer will come back. If it God forbid does, I know I will not be able to handle it again. I barely kept it together last year, even though I never ever showed it around my family, especially Dad, but I know I will never be able to do that again.

ANyway, I just again wanted to vent. I am obviously having a very bad day.

Susana

littlejulie's picture
littlejulie
Posts: 311
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi Susana,
I'm feeling the exact same way today. Some days are better than others and today is not a good day. The worry is in the pit of my stomach today. There is just too many people who have been affected by cancer. It's so depressing.

julie

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1973
Joined: Apr 2004

Susana,

I am sorry you are feeling so down about all of this and I think your idea of seeing a therapist is a great one. I am looking for steved to respond to this too. I know a therapist that you feel comfortable with can help you remember all the good in your life. Yes, cancer will always be there and sometimes it seems like that is all there is but, there really are other things out in your life too wonderful things. You just need some help remembering them again.

Thank you for coming to us and expressing your feelings.

Take care and don't be afraid to ask for some help. We all need it every so often.

Lisa P.

grandma713
Posts: 105
Joined: Apr 2004

Yes it is. and I feel like I am surrounded by it 24/7. Several of my friends at church have been fighting breast cancer, my sister-in-law was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, another friend has pancreatic cancer, a client has throat cancer, and I am fighting colon cancer. It definitely can be depressing if you focus on that alone. However, when I think of the blessings that I have received since my diagnosis and can see how others are receiving such encouragement from their trials and love and support, it seems to brighten up that black cloud. Someone told me not too long ago, to focus on Jesus and not on the cirmcumstances. I remember thinking at the time, "well that is easy for you to say!" However, she was right. When I take each day, each moment, one at a time and try to squeeze the joy out of each day, I am overwhelmed with the gift of it and I just cant be depressed! So, dont focus on the cancer...focus on your dad's recovery and give him a hug and let him give you one!
love and prayers
franny

rejoyous
Posts: 259
Joined: Nov 2004

Dear Susana,

I agree with you that seeing some kind of counselor is a good idea. I'm the one with cancer in my family, and not only an I seeing a therapist alone, I also insisted that my husband and I see a couple's therapist together. Both of these have been extremely helpful in getting us to calm down and enjoy what can be enjoyed in life.

We also took a class in meditation called "mindfulness-based stress reduction." I mention the name because this is a course that was offered through our hospital and I know it's available in other health facilities as well. It was enormously helpful. Probably the best single thing I did to gather the strength and positive energy to get through all this.

There are people/resources out there who can really help you cope better with this. I'm concerned about you.

goldfinch's picture
goldfinch
Posts: 737
Joined: Oct 2003

Julia,
I am so glad to hear your dad is doing well. I agree that cancer can be depressing, especially when that is all we focus on. Seeing a counselor sounds like a good idea. Maybe he/she can help you put things in perspective. There is so much in life to be grateful for...the love of family and friends; a bright, sunny spring day; the sound of birds singing; the sound of children laughing. Try to remember the things that used to bring you joy and go seek them out.
Mary

Shandle
Posts: 205
Joined: Apr 2005

Hi Susana, Cancer is both mentally & physically draining. Yes it will rob you of you peace of mind IF YOU LET IT. I know it's hard sometimes to focus on the good things.I've had my good days and bad and I vent on this site when I need to. By thinking about what it's robbing you from, you're not able to enjoy the positive side of your life. Seeing a therapist might be a good answer for you, then get out there and enjoy yourself. Please try to keep your spirits up. We are here for you too. Give god your worries and trust you'll be ok... Huggggs Wanda

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Susana. Some hospitals have what they call a cancer clinical phsycologist. The deal only with cancer patients and carers/immediate family.Jen and I both went and found it extremely helpfull. Maybe this might be for you. Overwhelming anxiety is a part of family/carers lives but remember that no matter how hard it gets you are no good making yourself sick emotionally.Your dad at this stage is fine....so go and deal with your worries Susana....it is nothing to be ashamed of. Your love for your dad is obvious, so is your concern..but you are no good to him support wise if HE begins to worry about you!
Do something for yourself Susana......your dad will love you for it because he will no doubt be inwardly worrying about you too!
luv, kanga n Jen

KKLoop
Posts: 73
Joined: Mar 2005

Been there, understand it all. I too have thought about meds....but you know I have faith...and it wasn't as strong before cancer, but it sure is now. I know how this consumes you...you must, MUST focus on the good things this has brought into your life. I know- you think that I am medicated right now!!!! I am a different person because of this...I am kinder, less quick to judge...patient..giving and thankful. My MOM is here and living and breathing today...and boy that is a celebration because my heart broke the day I realized that her death was real..you know everyone dies...but when it hits you...it is real!!!! I have been able to help others through my experience and that is a gift that I couldn't give anyone before August of 2004. I pray you will find your peace...you can and will get through this.. You Dad will be okay..not matter what. Take care.

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