Denial??
Comments
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Hi!
Wow,You really need to take a chill pill,You really shouldn't stress yourself out so much.Slow down and take a deep breathe......Even though it feels like it sometimes, we both know you are not going to physically fall apart-stress ,as we all know, can reek havic on our health.Sometimes it's just not worth it,sometimes you just have to let things go and focus on the positive things in your life.You cannot change what has already happened,you are not promised tommorrow,so you must live for today!!!!Avoiding health issues is not a good idea----You are stronger than You think,If you must look back ,Look at all that you have already overcame and conquered.You must have a fighting spirit or you wouldn't be here today!
It's time that You lay all of your cards on the table,and decide what is most important to you, in your life,the things that aren't so important and can wait ,put aside, work on what really matters--the rest is just clutter-get rid of it.The last thing you need is extra weight on your shoulders.It's really great you've already gotten a new job-I think you can do what ever you put your mind to.
Some times it helps too when you realize that there is someone else out there that is worse off than you.
I lost my job back in Feb.,my Husband lost his job last Monday.But you know it may not be so easy right now and I could really drive myself crazy with all the what ifs,but I've decided thats not going to happen--I have sooooo many blessings already,and I know this may sound crazy but I'm happy!!Happy as can be ,I can't really explain why - I just am.They always say when one door closes another one opens,I believe it's all in how you look at things.If I close my eyes I will never see that open door-but I'm not afraid -my eyes are wide open.I guess I've blabbered enough -I hope you don't take anything I've said the wrong way-I'm sure you'll let me know if you did.
Please take good care of yourself and lighten up-laugh a little,give yourself a moment to remember.
Sue0 -
Lord no...no offense taken hon. Thank you for your candor.mssue said:Hi!
Wow,You really need to take a chill pill,You really shouldn't stress yourself out so much.Slow down and take a deep breathe......Even though it feels like it sometimes, we both know you are not going to physically fall apart-stress ,as we all know, can reek havic on our health.Sometimes it's just not worth it,sometimes you just have to let things go and focus on the positive things in your life.You cannot change what has already happened,you are not promised tommorrow,so you must live for today!!!!Avoiding health issues is not a good idea----You are stronger than You think,If you must look back ,Look at all that you have already overcame and conquered.You must have a fighting spirit or you wouldn't be here today!
It's time that You lay all of your cards on the table,and decide what is most important to you, in your life,the things that aren't so important and can wait ,put aside, work on what really matters--the rest is just clutter-get rid of it.The last thing you need is extra weight on your shoulders.It's really great you've already gotten a new job-I think you can do what ever you put your mind to.
Some times it helps too when you realize that there is someone else out there that is worse off than you.
I lost my job back in Feb.,my Husband lost his job last Monday.But you know it may not be so easy right now and I could really drive myself crazy with all the what ifs,but I've decided thats not going to happen--I have sooooo many blessings already,and I know this may sound crazy but I'm happy!!Happy as can be ,I can't really explain why - I just am.They always say when one door closes another one opens,I believe it's all in how you look at things.If I close my eyes I will never see that open door-but I'm not afraid -my eyes are wide open.I guess I've blabbered enough -I hope you don't take anything I've said the wrong way-I'm sure you'll let me know if you did.
Please take good care of yourself and lighten up-laugh a little,give yourself a moment to remember.
Sue
But, I have to say that to move on or to put it all into perspective is easier said than done.
For 12 years prior to the cancer, I was a stock broker and the last 9 owned my own business. I had to close that, and the job that I took was much more than I anticipated. The micro-management is off the charts. They are wasting so much money on middle management, it is mind boggling.
I have no idea how to focus, how to put it all together. Things that were like second nature to me are now overwhelming and hard. Just keeping my bills straight for instance. Just feel overwhelmed and now I am taking blood sugar four times a day, my husband is working part time for a retail mtn biking store, and making almost nothing. But, he is keeping whatever it is that he makes and on and on and on.
When I get here, I cannot breathe. I had cancer....wow...how did that happen? Where in the world did the diabetes come from?
Jan0 -
Sorry that nothing I said was of any use to You. The only other thing I can think of would be Yoga , maybe that would help You regain some balance in your life.I really do understand feeling overwhelmed-I don't know of anyone here that has not felt that way at some point,and sometimes often.seeknpeace said:Lord no...no offense taken hon. Thank you for your candor.
But, I have to say that to move on or to put it all into perspective is easier said than done.
For 12 years prior to the cancer, I was a stock broker and the last 9 owned my own business. I had to close that, and the job that I took was much more than I anticipated. The micro-management is off the charts. They are wasting so much money on middle management, it is mind boggling.
I have no idea how to focus, how to put it all together. Things that were like second nature to me are now overwhelming and hard. Just keeping my bills straight for instance. Just feel overwhelmed and now I am taking blood sugar four times a day, my husband is working part time for a retail mtn biking store, and making almost nothing. But, he is keeping whatever it is that he makes and on and on and on.
When I get here, I cannot breathe. I had cancer....wow...how did that happen? Where in the world did the diabetes come from?
Jan
Maybe there's a support group in your area that can give you a hands on approach to your particular situtation.Anyway I hope you find what you have need of, maybe someone else has some ideas that would be more suitable for you.Don't be so hard on yourself.0 -
Hi Jan:
I think a good counselor would be very useful in helping you to determine if you're in denial about your health and/or helping you deal with it and gain perspective, if that is the case.
With most life changes, adjustment takes time and you've certainly had your share of successive
changes. Try to be patient with yourself, realizing that you need time to adjust and that you're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and feel suddenly wonderful. Try to start some stress busting routines for yourself. Things you do no matter what. Soaks, walks, reading, singing, cooking, Yoga, meditation...anything which helps to relax your mind. Take that special time for yourself even if you have to forego certain other duties. You will not regret having done so. It's amazing how easy it is to forget to be kind to ourselves! In times of stress we need to remember to do so more than ever though.
You must tell yourself that falling apart is not an option. Something which always rings true for me is this: We cannot control what happens to us in life. The only thing we can really control is our response(s) to what happens. When a lot happens fast, then we must work harder to get a handle on it and focus on what we can effectively do. That involves a lot of soul searching and focusing. Nothing about that is easy, particularly when the world may seem to be falling apart at our feet.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, and it seems that you may be feeling that way, then it's time to get some help and begin putting things back into a perspective that's healthier for you. Getting some counseling may help you to learn better coping strategies while also putting your energies to better use in doing what is most effective in addressing some of the issues which are looming large for you right now.
None of our lives are written in stone and change will come to us all, at one time or another. It can be a welcomed choice or it can hit us without warning and leave us fighting it tooth and nail, but the one constant is that change is inevitable. Difficult times are inevitable too but knowing that doesn't make them necessarily easy to bear. My heart goes out to you but I know that you CAN and WILL find the strength to move forward, get some help and begin sorting out the issues, one at a time, and find yourself again feeling more balanced and able to give your health the time and attention it deserves.
Love, light and laughter,
Ink0 -
Hi Jan,
Welcome to what seems like the typical type "A" personality. I swear I thought if the cancer didn't kill me the stresses of everything would give me a heart attack!!!
I seem much like you, after treatment was over (12/03) I felt like the walking stress ball. I have a business, which by the way I had a terrible time focusing on and still do. During 2004 when I thought I would be recovering...I was hit with lots of junk. Thankfully my husband and myself have kept the business but not without a great deal of work.
There is a program that is out in most major hospitals called "The Stress Reduction Program". I have not been, but I plan to go. I have heard awesome things from so many people. One thing they teach you is how to realize not to stress over things in which we have no control...AHHH now thats a nice word...I am a control freak and I think thats been part of my problem....LOL
I don't think you are in denial, I just think you got lots on your plate and on your mind. My 9 year old daughter last year got dx with diabetes and that alone throws lots of stress into the mix, never mind everything else you have been through. Somebody told me I should try meditating and I basically laughed. When I have tried, my mind just does not shut down.
I do yoga, cycling, aerobics, running, lift weights and now have begun to work with a trainer to give me the extra push. I personally find working out to be the one thing that drives me and destresses me. When I am busy, I don't think much of cancer so I think I try to stay very busy. Which by the way is not too difficult with 10 year old twins and a business to run!! I have also started to find time for myself...such as taking piano lessons and getting my certification for what is called Fitness Therapy, which is a branch from personal training to work with individuals like ourselves..(recovering breast cancer) I think by actually forcing myself to make time for myself, that has helped me to better put things in perspective and has allowed me to focus more on the better things.
I don't know if I have been any help to you, but it sure felt good to unburden myself..LOL..
Take care Jan and let us know how your new job goes.
kristen0 -
Hi,inkblot said:Hi Jan:
I think a good counselor would be very useful in helping you to determine if you're in denial about your health and/or helping you deal with it and gain perspective, if that is the case.
With most life changes, adjustment takes time and you've certainly had your share of successive
changes. Try to be patient with yourself, realizing that you need time to adjust and that you're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and feel suddenly wonderful. Try to start some stress busting routines for yourself. Things you do no matter what. Soaks, walks, reading, singing, cooking, Yoga, meditation...anything which helps to relax your mind. Take that special time for yourself even if you have to forego certain other duties. You will not regret having done so. It's amazing how easy it is to forget to be kind to ourselves! In times of stress we need to remember to do so more than ever though.
You must tell yourself that falling apart is not an option. Something which always rings true for me is this: We cannot control what happens to us in life. The only thing we can really control is our response(s) to what happens. When a lot happens fast, then we must work harder to get a handle on it and focus on what we can effectively do. That involves a lot of soul searching and focusing. Nothing about that is easy, particularly when the world may seem to be falling apart at our feet.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, and it seems that you may be feeling that way, then it's time to get some help and begin putting things back into a perspective that's healthier for you. Getting some counseling may help you to learn better coping strategies while also putting your energies to better use in doing what is most effective in addressing some of the issues which are looming large for you right now.
None of our lives are written in stone and change will come to us all, at one time or another. It can be a welcomed choice or it can hit us without warning and leave us fighting it tooth and nail, but the one constant is that change is inevitable. Difficult times are inevitable too but knowing that doesn't make them necessarily easy to bear. My heart goes out to you but I know that you CAN and WILL find the strength to move forward, get some help and begin sorting out the issues, one at a time, and find yourself again feeling more balanced and able to give your health the time and attention it deserves.
Love, light and laughter,
Ink
Other things to consider are that you may be depressed(who wouldn't be?) If you can't consentrate, can't sleep, can't focus like you used to, it would be worth asking your oncologist or GP about. It's very common.
The other thing that hasn't been mentioned is chemo brain. Not sure if you've had chemo, but the medication can do wacky things to your thinking! You may also be suffering side effects of other medications you are taking - it's worth looking into and asking about.
Denial? I don't know. I have tried not to dwell on my diagnosis. I don't find it productive. Life is still happening, no matter what my outcome is. I want to be a part of life and I'm not willing to give cancer the time of day. I've pursued aggresive treatment so I know I've done all I can, it isn't going to get in my way or be the focus of my life. If that means I'm in "denial" I'm ok with it!
jill0 -
Thanks Jill and everyone...I did get something from each post. I really appreciate the responses more than you know.jdubious said:Hi,
Other things to consider are that you may be depressed(who wouldn't be?) If you can't consentrate, can't sleep, can't focus like you used to, it would be worth asking your oncologist or GP about. It's very common.
The other thing that hasn't been mentioned is chemo brain. Not sure if you've had chemo, but the medication can do wacky things to your thinking! You may also be suffering side effects of other medications you are taking - it's worth looking into and asking about.
Denial? I don't know. I have tried not to dwell on my diagnosis. I don't find it productive. Life is still happening, no matter what my outcome is. I want to be a part of life and I'm not willing to give cancer the time of day. I've pursued aggresive treatment so I know I've done all I can, it isn't going to get in my way or be the focus of my life. If that means I'm in "denial" I'm ok with it!
jill
For the depression part, oh God, yes!! haha. I have been treated for depression for over 20years, I suffer from endogenous depression (originating from within) and not just depression from life events I have no control over, but, of course the life events affect the depression.
I was fortunate to not have chemo or rad. I did develop severe iron deficiency and that took a pretty big toll...still losing quite a bit of hair from that. But, the thing is that if you study the events in ones life that cause stress and so forth, the two job changes in a year, the cancer and the diabetes, hubby forced to retire, etc....all them puppies are in that area.
I guess by denial I mean more that while I am not denying that I had cancer or have diabetes, but, that I just don't deal with it. I went to a breast c survivors tea today and I spend the first 30 mins trying not to cry.... same as when I go to the Komen Race website for my team in the race here on May 7. I am humbled and astonished at the number of ppl who have joined the team. And, that Wake Forest Medical Center did the team again this year in my name...they call it "Jan Da Man", from a silly thing my children would say when they were young. But, when I visit the site, look at the pics and how terribly unhealthy I am in the pics, I have a hard time. It is like when you are facing any hard dilemna in life and you just put your shoulder into it, grit your teeth and see it through... you get past it but, it seems to catch up to me when I least expect it. In training for the job that I do now, which I am leaving woo hoo, they were showing a corporate film and they went to a part about the komen race and their sponsorship, and when all those pink shirts hit the screen...I was so unprepared and burst into tears. It hits me from out of the blue.
Thank you my sisters. Onward and upward...I am going to resign my job on the 25th, and they will pay the two week notice to me, but, send me home...so with the week of vacation due me next week that I am taking and the two weeks from the resignation, I will be renewed and fresh for my new job!!
Love.....Jan0 -
Sweetheart -
You are just doing what works for you -- and you have had a rough couple of years. We all do so in our own ways -- no one way is right or wrong. When the blues come, you are just shedding tears that you need to shed. I have known you to be one of the smartest, strongest and kindest women -- and one who has helped me find the way through my own miseries and mess. Anything we can do for you is something you deserve for all the time you give to help us.
If there is anyone I would bet will come through whatever bumps life throws, that is YOU!!!
Keep that chin up and know that my shoulder is here for you anytime you need it.
Hugs,
Linda0
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