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Where to start?

akabob
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2005

My girlfriend and I are 5 months into our situation. She has lung cancer... with a few spots outside the lung, her liver and spleen. She is 53 years old. Otherwise healthy, did not smoke. We fish, have horses... in general very active. She has an 83 year old mother that lives not too far away. A son who is closer but less than no help at all. My family is all light years away. No help readily available. My work has been generous with time off so I can take care of her. I have some medical background and am capable and willing to take care of her. We had been talking of marriage prior to the diagnosis. We still are. I am a little overwhelmed with not only the present , but prospects of the future. I don't really know what questions I want to ask. I don't know where to go. The only thing I am sure of is that I will be there for her no matter what happens. I am really the only one available (who loves her) that can take care of her. But I also have to take care of myself.
Again, I don't know what to ask. Maybe I just need to talk to someone in a similar situation. Hear some questions, offer some advice... ask some questions, hear some advice.
What do you all think?

KKLoop
Posts: 73
Joined: Mar 2005

Kind of the same, but not. My MOm is fighting colorectal cancer with met to liver, liver nodes and spots on lungs. Chemo is terrible.... I hate what this has done to her...the weight lose, the lack of energy...the helplessness...I am the only child. We do have a lot of friends and family who offer to help, but Mom really won't let many help because of her dignity and pride. She has always been in control of her life, and at 50, she isn't and can't take it. I cook for her, clean, do some shopping, take her to doc appt. ect....Not all by myself at all, my dad takes care of most of the duties. I do know that ACS has volunteers who take people to and from doc. visits. You might check out local chapter....also some big churches offer assistance. Hope some of this helps.Dee

layne34
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2004

Where to start? Love her. From the start and through whatever may come, first and foremost love her. Try to open the converstation for her and ask her what she wants. Let her know what you may need from her. You most likely will have to adjust your needs accoding to her abilities. I just lost my husband a month ago to a nine month lung cancer battle. He was only 39 and we had only been married 3 years. I can only regret not findning ways to love him more. I'll have time for my healinng. Spend as much time with her as possible. Love her in all the ways you are able to.
Peace, love, happiness and health,
Layne

bertsbuddy
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2005

I will not start out by saying i know how you feel. Im sure its a confusing and overwhelming time for you. I just recently lost my best friend of 35 yrs. I believe the best help i gave her was my love and understanding. I was there when she needed me. I can only say, give yourself a rest and do not dwell on the future. Only on today. What you can do today. What you can say to her today to make her feel better and special and pretty about herself. I believe the more time you dwell on the future you dont get to enjoy the present. Always listen with your heart and try not to treat her like she's disable. She might be, but dont make her feel like she needs help with everything. I know my friend had joy when she could accomplish things on her own. God Bless you!! cooperboy65@yahoo.com

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