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sister with colon cancer

chutney
Posts: 11
Joined: Mar 2005

Hello all! I posted a message last week about my sister. She was admitted into the hospital yesterday. She noticed a growth of some kind just like she had over three years ago when she was first diagnosed with cancer. They drained it today and it may be a tumor or an infection. Of course, we are all hoping for an infection. My sister just turned 39. I am so sad for her. Her husband has nearly given up and called me last night to say that they were having marital problems. I was so upset to hear this. My sister is fighting for her life and he is being like this. I do know that this is hard on him and I am sympathetic. However, right now we should all be focusing on her. I cannot imagine what she is thinking. Two weeks ago today she was told that she had 2-3 months to live (b/c they thought she has a full obstruction and were unable to operate, we found out later that the obstruction is only partial) and her husband is being distant towards her. My family is very supported and will do whatever we can to save her. My mother stays with her at night in the hospital. My brother are all so helpful (I am a 1 1/2 years younger than my sister, I have a younger brother here and an older brother who will be here next week). Anyway, I guess I just wanted to share my story.

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Chutney -

I'll say a prayer that your sister's problem is "just" an infection. Regarding your brother in law... I don't know the circumstances, nor do I know him, and I am certainly not taking anyone's side here; but I would just offer that different people address stress and grief in different ways. Perhaps the issues that are causing marital problems stem from stress of dealing with the possible loss of his wife. Maybe he is seeming distant because he is emotionally isolating himself from the current situation. Again, I don't know him or any of tyhe specifics - just offering an outside perspective for your consideration.

Sounds like you have a great family who are rallying to support your sister and help her through her ordeal. You can tell her that there are a lot of good "Semi-Colons" keeping her in their thoughts and prayers, too.

- SpongeBob

bsrules
Posts: 296
Joined: Mar 2004

Hello!!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this!!! All I can say is have you spoken to your brother-in-law in private? I don't know how close you guys are? Maybe you can ask him what he is feeling? Maybe you can help him adjust to this. I know that for a fact that it was just has hard for me in the beginning. I never was distant but I found this site to have someone to talk to and get info. He might just be feelignvery helpless and doesn't know how to handle it. Try to give him a chance. If it doesn't work and he remains that way towards your sister just rest assure that you know that you and the rest of your family will be there for her with whatever she needs.

My husband Bob when he was diagnosised he was totally blocked and they only gavne him at first a couple of days. Then they operated and did a resection and then they gave him 6 months. He last 1yr 3months. The monster was had heavily involved his liver over 60% when they found it. He gave it everything he had to try and beat it but unfortunately it was a fight that he couldn't win.

I don't mean to scare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I do know is that with a positive attitude and the fight of you sister and her knowing that you are behind her is the best medicine!!!! DON'T give up!!!!!!! Fight this with everything she has and you guys!!!! There are people here on this site that have survived stage 4 and are happy today!!!!

Come here when every you need to!!! If I can help you in any way all you have to do it ask!!!!

Hugs and Prayers heading your way!!!!

Sue

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi. I ponder the thought that your sisters hubby may have been trying to reach out? Now that depends on what he said when he contacted you and told you the marriage was having problems.
Every single person that has to deal with someone fighting cancer will react in different ways. When my mother was dx'd with a brain tumour and told it would kill her, my family literally fell apart. Many have said here that it is in a lot of ways much harder on family and friends. Anything that threatens one's lifestyle requires a lot of effort for all concerned to keep emotions in check...that is almost an impossibility to do.
Sue here has offerred some very good advice worth thinking about.
Our very best, kanga n Jen

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Hi there,
You are brave to share your story, and also brave to be so supportive of your sister. So many family members have no idea what to do...so they act out...instead of being able to hang in there.
Wishing you lots of strength and prayers. Keep in touch. I hope that the postings here give you support.

Best wishes,
Maura

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