Mar 15, 2005 - 5:09 pm
Hi all, I went to chemo doctor today and he did bloodwork and my counts are still too low, so no chemo this week either. And....he also said there is stool where my rectum used to be, which isn't good, because I have permanent colostomy and nothing down there. All was removed. All that's there now is tumor and it's still growing, because my stupid body won't cooperate so I can have the chemo. I'm going to have shots every day this week and then hopefully will get to do chemo 23rd and 24th, and also have shots during the chemo too. I am so upset right now. My surgeon just keeps saying that the tumor is shrinking and is not being active in my care at all right now. The chemo doctor said he needs to do something about the stool being there and he said he disagrees and that my tumor is growing. I would believe the chemo doctor first, because he seems to be wanting to get things done and he's always completely honest with me about things and he also looks at it almost every week, not like the surgeon who sees it every month or two. I am just so angry with my body right now that I just want to cancel all my appointments and just give up. I know that's not the thing to do, but I can't help but feel that I'm spinning my wheels but going nowhere, but backwards. Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry so long. Need some encoragement bad right now. Sorry to whine yet AGAIN. Love ya all, but I'm just feeling that this beast is winning and that it's going to eventually do me in. I never get any good news to lift me up. Always bad. Sorry to go on again. Love you all and you've been so good to me.