Feb 12, 2005 - 6:18 pm
Hi, thanks for all the encouragement. I try really hard to think of one day at a time one session at time, but sometimes when I feel icky all over after the chemo it seems to get me down. I go again this week for my 2nd time the 48 hours yes it is hard because I feel like a carved up turkey with 2 operations, port replacement, etc., we are dealing with the spot on liver, and lining of stomache, when they reconnected my colon they were gonna do a liver resection to remove the spot but since I had spots on lining of stomache they just did the reconnecting and said to do chemo again, it is frustrating to never know if going through all this is there a good outcome, I try not to give up hope thinking in long term etc., but sometimes it gets tough, the hardest part is being a single mom 4 adult children 1 lives with me the baby she is 24, that now they can not tell me their problems or anything they are going through, because they don't want to stress me out.I am the only one that has been in their life they could count on, so it is really hard on them. 2 of my children live here in same town 2 out of state. This whole disease has not only affected me but them too, it has changed everything in my life, took away my independence, of being able to do anything I want, work, etc., so yes there are somedays that are harder than others. I do try to do a one day at a time routine and thank god every day for giving me this day and the strength to make it through.