Just starting taking TAMOXIFEN / And guilty feelings of feeling good.

Everything you feel after cancer treatment is normal. We have all been through a terrible battle. I think tamoxifen itself causes mood swings as it is blocking our normal hormones and how the body uses them. Some people feel bloated the whole time they are on it as well as weight gain. I have been on it for 26 months, hot flashes at first, no weight gain but I am a vegan and use no sugar so the calories in my diet are low. Don't ever feel quility for being happy God wants us to be happy so smile all you want. Cong on being done and remember to give yourself only a few minutes if any each day to worry and the rest of the time thank God you are alive and happy. Linda

Hi sgarcia100:

Sooo happy that you're done with chemo and rads!
That's a lot to feel wonderful about really and you'll find more and more to "get happy and smiley" about as time passes.

It's common to feel weepy and confused and any number of other overwhelming emotions after treatment. You've been through quite an ordeal and the thing with having cancer is the experience comes to us fast and furious and there's no time to internalize and/or adjust to what's happening. It's one frightening wallop after the other. The diagnosis sets off an emotional storm inside us and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Then there's usually surgery of some sort next. If the surgery isn't scary enough, we've also got to try to research and learn all we can about our disease, it's extent, treatment options, arrange 2nd opinions, while worrying also about our jobs, the care of our children and families as our life situations abruptly change from what was comfortable to something out of a Stephen King story. Add to that an almost paralyzing sense of helplessness and we've become a bundle of nerves and fears. That leaves a lot to work on, in the aftermath. I say the aftermath, because we've got neither the energy nor the time to attend to our emotions while all this is happening to us. Most of us begin to do that, in earnest, after treatment ends. None of it went away and it's just waiting for us to unravel and address it, issue by issue. That takes time and effort and there's a lot of crying jags to be expected. Crying can be purging so don't be afraid to cry. Only worry if you're crying all the time and can't get past it. At that point, I'd suggest that you talk with your doctor and get some help so you can begin the rest and the best of your life.

No need to feel guilty for being alive, healthy and well! Rather, try to embrace those moments as they are important to healing and peace.

As far as being scared: I don't know anyone who's had cancer, who wasn't scared, particularly after treatment ends. We're scared of it coming back. We're scared that if it does come back, we may not catch it soon enough. We're scared that it may be in our systems still, afraid that maybe the surgeon, the chemo and radiation didn't quite get rid of it. We're afraid that we may have to go through treatment again one day. We're afraid of many, many things. But trust me. We can heal, find perspective and great joy in our lives and we can rid ourselves of that kind of paralyzing fear. My philosophy is that the only way we can effectively go in life is forward. We cannot change what has happened to us, but we can change our response to it, into a positive one. We can refuse to live in fear and leave it behind us. We can't control what's in our futures either, so our energies are better spent, planning good ones for ourselves, treating every day like the gift it is. Sharing our love and caring, joy and laughter every chance we get. Simply put, we can fall in love with our lives and find wonder and joy all over the place, if we just look. Our scars, inside and out, remain but that's all they are. Scars. Valuable scars I call them, because they brought me so much. When we allow ourselves to grieve and even to feel sorry for ourselves because so much happened to us, then we can begin to heal and let go. And I mean LET GO and get on with living. The way I see it, I may have 30 years left to live and love or I may only have 3 hours. I do not know and do not need to know. Either way, I will waste not one day sitting around in fear and worrying about or trying to guess what my longevity may be. My longevity is today. Right now. We could all pass on from any number of things at any moment. Heart attack, stroke, auto accident, house fire. There's only one way to get into this world but there are hundreds of ways to leave it. Why focus on just one? Just my chosen way of looking at it because if I should die tomorrow, then I will know that I have lived, loved, laughed, cried and shared joy in the best way I knew how. I will know that having had cancer did not hamstring my life's harp nor dull it's tone one whet. Rather, it helped me learn to play the music of life all the better.

I've not taken Tamoxifen so I can't help with your question about it. I have friends who are taking it and they've had various and sundry issues with it. Some stopped taking it and other's have continued. I'd check with your gynecologist just to keep an eye on potential cysts as other's have said and also explain your symptoms to your oncologist. Some women I know had more complaints when they initially began the Tamoxifen but their bodies seemed to adjust better with some time. Some women haven't been able to tolerate it at all. We're all different so just stay on top of what's happening and keep your doctor's well informed.

I will tell you that chronic stress, anxiety and tension can and does bring about physical illness, aches and pains. Real ones. It's so much better for us to learn to relax and calm ourselves. Relaxation exercises. Meditation, Yoga, bubble baths, quiet walks, sport things we enjoy, reading, singing, treating ourselves to a day at a spa. Whatever does it for you is what you must find and do often. When we become stronger and more sure footed, we've got even more to share with others. You WILL get there because you CAN co this. It doesn't happen overnight but is a process. All you have to do is make the commitment to yourself that you will work toward your goals each and every day. Surround yourself with positive people and positive things and take it one step at a time.
When a lousy day creeps in, as will sometimes happen, just let it go. Don't fight it but try to use it as a day of reflection. Cry if it helps and give it expression. Pretty soon, you'll have fewer and fewer of those dark days and you'll know you're getting there.

One of the best things is knowing that you're not alone in any of this and that none of your emotions are silly or weird or "out there". We've all been "out there" and know how it feels and the women here are always ready to help in any way they can. So, hope to see you here often and hoping you'll share the joy of your progress with us too!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

Hi
I have been taken Tamoxifen for 5 years, well, it will be 5 years this December 31st. I went through hot flashes and loss of period with my chemo. I have my period and no hot flashes, but I still get pain in my abdomen at times. I got a cyst when I got pregnant back in 1997, and it still bothers me from time to time, other than that, I am doing fine and looking forward to the end of this year so I can get pregnant.
God bless and remember that everyone is different and will have different reactions to the medicine, so don't worry about it, God is in control.