Feb 01, 2005 - 11:52 am
Hello!! I am hanging in there. I have been reading some of the post sorry that I haven't been able to reply to everyone. I feel like I am still going through the motions. I have been having some rough days and didn't have anyone to talk to so I thought that I would post to try and help me deal with things. My house is still toren apart I have been trying to get things back in order but I jst don't feel like doing anything. I still cry a lot and can't seem to stop. I don't know if I am losing it or not. I haven't seem any of the kids since Bob passed away. I quess what I feared would happen has come true. Bob's brother Erv was up a couple of weeks ago for the first time since Bob passed away. I guess I am just lonely. I don't know. I received an email from my step daughter yesterday and all she wanted was a copy of her Dad's will. She said that she wanted to make sure that I was doing what was written in the will and that she couldn't accept the fack that her Dad didn't specify what everyone was to get. I felt like I was just hit in the face with a baseball bate. I was so afraid of this happening and it has come true. Out of everyone involved in this she is the only one that seems to not trust what I am doing. She was also upset that I put all the QQ cars in my name and not on in her name. I tried to tell her that I had to flip everything over so that they were legal to drive. I told her that the Jeep is still hers as her father wanted and that I will give her the title and paperwork when she comes to pick the vehicle up in the spring.
I am also fight Bob's life insurance policy as they are trying to tell me that they are not going to pay out on it because they feel as though he or we knew that he was sick a long time ago and didn't tell them. I thought that I was going to scream when I read there letter. With everything going on am all the fighting that Bob went through to stay alive they want to tell me that he knew and never did anything about it for 20 years.
I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. I don't seem to care about anything anymore and I just try to get through on day and one minute at a time. I am going to try out a support group this week hoping to help me care again. I know that Bob wanted me to go on but I don't know how. I just feel like calling it quites and running away.
The only GREAT news that I have gotten which took a big load off my mind was that my big brother was tested as Bob asked him to bafore he died came back fine!!! They only found some colitics and told him to eat more fiber. He was really nervous as he already has had major surgery to beat prostate cancer. I was so glad that he didn't have to worry about this monster also!!!
Well, I guess I will stop complaining about my troubles.
Everyone keep fighting!!! My prayers are with all of you!!!!