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grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi all, I'm still here. All I seem to do now is cry. I went to church this morning, hoping it would help and I just sit there and cried. I have appts Mon, Tues and Wed this week, but if I don't feel better tomorrow, I may just check myself back in the hospital and get my bipolar meds straighted out and forget the other appts. Better than suicide, I guess????????????
Love you all.
Thanks for all your caring
Judy

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Judy,
You may not think so now, but ANYTHING is better than suicide. Take it one day at a time; focus on getting through that day and I pray you will feel better. the other Judy

livin
Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi Judy, You have came to far to give in now. I agree get your meds straighten out to help alleviate some of your anxietys (sp). I also agree with Judy take one day at a time. I hope you feel better soon, Livin

timlou
Posts: 60
Joined: Jul 2004

Judy,
Checking in to the hospital to get your meds straightened out is probably a good idea. Not knowing what type of facility it is, perhaps they can call you specialists in and you can take care of that too! I know it's not easy keeping it together every day but I can tell you know that anything you can do to succeed is better than suicide. Remember always your loving family and how that would hurt them forever and can never be taken back. Good Luck. Louise whose nick name used to be "It's not easy being Weezy"

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Judy,,,so sorry for not responding earlier...I have been away. I read your last post and am absolutely at a loss for words sweetie. I have followed your situation from the very beginning and know that life has not been kind to you. I have sent you messages and mails in the hope that something might inspire you to keep your chin up!!Please babe....don't lose faith!!!!
You say you were in church? Do you know that although I consider myself a christian I have not been to church often. When I was first dx'd I asked a local minister if I could talk to him.....never had I done that before. I was so depressed that I really needed some outlet...some meaning...some-one who would really listen..and he did.AND..I came away with much clearer thoughts. Have you spoken to your church minister, pastor?
You said in your post that the medical system seems to be lacking. I know that no matter who speaks to you it will do little to change your situation but it just may. I also sought out a phsycologist who specialized in cancer patients. Over here we fortunately have a phsycologist available in the cancer clinic free of cost. I do hope that they are similarly available over there because there is absolutely no doubt that he helped me BIG TIME.
Judy....there must be a way to help you with your present emotional state.It would make me very sad if there was absolutely no way you get get this comfort over there through a hospital or cancer clinic.
Whatever you do...DO NOT be ashamed or embarassed about how you feel...please, please continue to ask for some support.
All our love, kanga n Jen

JKendall
Posts: 186
Joined: Nov 2004

Dear Judy...I know by the time you see this that you've probably already headed out to your first appointment. I hope all goes well for you.

If it helps any, I am very close to someone who was going through some VERY tough times, and like you, could see the end of their "rope" dangling several feet above their head, just out of reach. (I'm sure you've heard the expression, "I'm just about at the end of my rope!") Frustration, despair, anger, hopelessness, confusion, exhaustion...you can probably add others. It was a VERY scary feeling. My friend felt totally alone, even though he was surrounded by caring folks.

Judy, as hard as it may seem to be to talk out loud about the way you feel, and even though you may be feeling like there's no sense bothering with it because the feelings just won't go away, you've GOT TO BELIEVE US...YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO ADORE YOU AND VALUE YOUR BEING. People who read your posts may not have met you in person, but we've met your spirit. And you deserve nothing less than kind, tender, compassionate healing.

As hard as it gets sometimes, just look forward and persevere. Don't dwell on the setbacks. LET YOUR FRIENDS in on how you feel and let their combined strength support you. We are your friends. Even though we may be hundreds or thousands of miles away, or on different continents, we can help support you.

There is no guessing Judy. You never know what God has planned for you right around the corner. Try to stay strong. Take care, and let us know how you're doing EVERY DAY.

Jimmy

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