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Hair Loss/Emotions

Maur1966
Posts: 23
Joined: Oct 2004

Well, after nearly 5 treatments almost 3 cycles I am really starting to lose my hair. My hair was very, very thick to begin with and very long. I cut it short to a shoulder length bob, but then had to cut it even shorter to a pixie length just because the shedding of hair was unbearable. (I know, I don't have to tell any of you that, because I'm sure you all understand). I'm sorry this post is so long...but I just need to "communicate" with people who truly understand. I have a wonderful support of family and friends, however, they just don't understand what it is like when you lose your hair. Don't get me wrong, on the outside I am handling it with 'dignity & grace'...ha, but on the inside I will admit it is hard sometimes, especially lately. The hair on my pillow every morning, looking in the mirror to see myself balder and balder is getting difficult. Sometimes I say to myself, "I should just be happy that I can beat this crap and as I know and I've heard over and over again...hair will grow back." Has anyone had some of those 'pity me' moments? I am usually a very strong person and thought this would be an 'ok' thing to lose my hair, because at least I have a good chance at life. But, lately, I am feeling badly about it. My hair is balding alot, I could do the ultimate comb over thing if I were a guy. (lol) But since I am not, I usually just wear a ballcap since the back and sides are thinning but still hanging in there. I was thinking about getting another hair cut to shorten the length of the hair on top. I have a great wig, looks like my "old" hair. It is really nice, but I do not like wearing it all the time. I do not like bandanas...feels too constrictive. Also, what do you do when you wear an 'outside' winter hat and then you go indoors to a store, restaurant, sporting event, movies etc.? Do you keep your outdoor hat on? Do you have an additional hat to wear inside? I live in PA and it is getting really cold out. Any suggestions or input? Am I feeling normal at this point? I have been thinking about this more than I have in the past and I just want to 'get comfortable with it the best that I can'. I don't want to come across as vain or unappreciative of my treatment and life but this is bothering me now. Btw: my latest ct. scans reveal a drastic improvement...it does not show anymore Hodgkins. But, I must continue with 3 1/2 more cycles and radiation in April. I was a stage 3A bulky. Again, thanks for reading. Maureen

pickles123
Posts: 47
Joined: Jun 2004

http://www.hiphat.com/ is a great site. Its a cotton cap with hair attached so you do have to wear a hat but it is so comfortable.

If your hair loss is upsetting to you then its important so dont feel silly about it. Yes, beating cancer is more important but hair loss is too. We all have the right to be upset about whatever we need to be.

We dont tell people whenever they grumble well be glad you are not starving even if that is true. We listen as they talk about their bad day. Why should people who have cancer be treated any different?

positive
Posts: 75
Joined: Dec 2003

Dear Maureen,
My dad lost all his hair from the ABVD after the 3rd treatment. My dad was very vain about his hair and it was very traumatic for him. He never really liked the way he looked, but like pickles said its more important to worry about getting rid of this disease. I know its really difficult and its easy for everyone to say get over it, but time will heal the pain you feel about losing your hair.
My dad is in remission almost 9 months now, he just recently had his 3rd cat scan since his chemo treatment ended.
I also want you to know my dad grew all his hair back, it came back the same exact way it used to be and it took about a good 6 mths to grow back. You would never know my dad ever had cancer. We pray it never returns. I hope the last chemo treatments are uneventful and hope your feeling better soon.

diane31nh
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2002

Hi Maureen,
i know exactly what you are talking about, losing my hair was the worst thing that i could imagine. I had very long thick hair and i held on to it as long as i could. I first went through 10 treatments of abvd and my hair just thinned out but it never really showed. then i went through a stem cell transplant and finally give it up after my high dose treamtent, it all fell out at once. It was not an easy thing to deal with because to me having no hair showed peopole that i was sick. i dont like scarfs or hats so i wore a wig most of the time. It is almost 2 yrs ago, i love my new hair . it usually comes back much better than it was
Diane

fattima's picture
fattima
Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2005

although i admit the treatments and side effects were hard...i think what hurt the most was my hair loss, so i know where your coming from. its not silly or vain its exactly normal to feel this way... very hard but kick cancers butt and then u will be free to do whatever u want with ur new hair...

lhodnet
Posts: 62
Joined: May 2004

Maureen,

First off, I am sorry this is upsetting you. It upset me too - I had a 2 month old when my hair started falling out, she just kept grabbing globs of it. I cut it short (it was below my shoulders) but it just looked horrible. So, my hubby and i decided to just buzz it. we took a #1 and shaved my head. I felt so liberated. I want you to know that i HATE hats, scarves, and bandanas, and wore them religiously at the beginning. but about 1/3 of the way through, i quit wearing anything on my head. i thought if i have to deal with chemo, people can deal with looking at my ugly melon. i know, not saine logic, but hey...

i am almost 6 months post chemo and i can tell you know i HATE my hair and can't wait until it grows more. it only hurts my feelings when people tell me they like it b/c everyone knows i hate it. oh well. i know they mean well..

at the beginning i used to wear a heavy hat and a light bandana at the same time b/c outside was colder than inside. But again, i got tired of fearing what everyone else was thinking and just said the heck with it! :)

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