Dec 01, 2004 - 8:35 pm
Hello Everyone! I was going to post last night but I was in a very bad place and couldn't deal. I am doing a little better today. We went to the Dr.'s Tuesday and we got the answers that we needed to hear. We didn't like them but reality is knocking on our door and we had to open it unfortunately. His Dr. was very good with Bob and he helped him through the news a lot which I was very grateful for. I on the other hand held on until I was alone and then I lost it. The Dr. told him that he could be wrong as he proved him wrong before but the fact of the matter is that he has less then 10% of his liver working now and that he in giving him 1 month maybe 2. We are not giving up as he is tring to get the juicing down but he barely drinks anything anymore. He is so filled with fluid. His Jawndess went from 1.70 to 5 in 2 weeks. His liver emziemes are about 1500 now. He is really tring but he can bearly walk anymore. He is sleeping almost all the time now. I have tried to get him to talk to someone but he refuses.
I am so lost right now. I hold it together until my mind akes over and then I am a wreck!!! It is all I can do to get up in the morning and go to work at 5:00am knowing that my day isn't going to get any better. I can't wait till I get back home at 10:00am to see him. He is still sleeping and I can't imagin what life would be like without him!!!! I am so afraid of being alone!!!! I know that I shouldn't think that way but that is all I can think about right now.
He hasn't given up and neither have I!!!! I just am beside myself as to what to think.
I'm sorry that I am so depressing I don't want anyone to give up hope as that is what this is all about. It is just very hard for me to have hope right now. I see him going down hill so fast and he still tries to do things and it takes all he has just to get there. I help him around the yard when I can get him outside and get him set up with what he wants to do and he tries but can't complete it and that frustrates him to the point that he quites and doesn't try anything else for days. I want him to try but I don't want him to hurt himself to the point that he will end up in the hospital which he doesn't want.
Thanksgiving wasw ok. It was Great spending it with Bob but I had a very hard time with My step daughter and her mom. They took me aside and out and out blamed me for the shape that Bob is in now. They said that I wasn't taking care of him well enough to fight this. I thought that I was going to blow a gasget!!! I have to deal with that and then get the news from the Dr. on Tues. and all I am doig now is doubting myself and everything that I try to do.
I am sorry for bouncing around like a yoyo I am just not all there right now.
Please pray for Bob that if this is God's wish that he can go with dignity!!! I just don't know what to think anymore.
You all seem to help me when I need it the most!!! I am just rambleing forgive me!!!
Love and Prayers to ALL!!!!