Nov 15, 2004 - 7:26 pm
I've been battling OVCA stage 3C for a little over 4 years. This last year has been the worst, starting with the cancer becoming resistent to taxane/platinum chemo. Next came a bowel blockage for which I had surgery, but the bowels have not worked properly since and I'm in an almost constant state of diarrhea. I have not been able to eat much since the surgery and have lost nearly 100 pounds. For the last 8 months I have tried 3 different chemo therapies, starting with Doxil, then VP16, and am now on Gemzar/Cisplatnin for the 3rd treatment. Nothing seems to be working - CA125 is more than 3700 and rising. The Cisplatnin gives me a very bad reaction and I have to take extra drugs just so I don't go into shock. For 3 days afterwards I still feel drugged and can barely function, and all I can think about is I wish it would all end. I have no energy and have breathing difficulty, plus moderate abdominal pain. The chemo just seems to be making me sicker and not doing any good. I do start feeling a little better the last week of the cycle, but it's just not enough - then the chemo comes again and it starts all over. All I can do is sit on the couch and watch the tube. Any time I get up I have a hard time catching my breath. It's not much of a life, and I don't see that the chemo is doing me any good. I want to stop it and just let things take their course. I don't really have much hope for a miracle anymore - I did for a long time, but things have just progressed too far for me to hold out for hope. Is it time to stop the chemo and let my life run out?