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grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

I don't know if this is considered bad or good. I just know I haven't stopped crying since I talked to the chemo doctor today. He wants to wait until my bottom is completely healed(he says probably another month)and I find out about my cystoscopy and then he wants to start more chemo. He wants to do four rounds of 5-FU. He wants me to have the port put back in and he wants me to remain on the blood thinners until the chemo is through(I was supposed to go off them in Dec). He was pretty upset that the surgeon didn't call him or send him any records. He did blood work today and he wants me to see the surgeon before I see him on Dec 2nd. He wants to make sure my surgeon says my butt is healed and has put the port back in. I really think this nightmare is never going to end. I said in the summer that I couldn't wait until Fall(I thought I'd be better then). Now I'm saying I can't wait until Spring. Winter is going to be bad too. I'm just mentally and physcially drained right now. Don't even want to talk to any of my family because I hate to even tell them any more news. Please, say a prayer for me. I could really use some encouragement right now. Thanks guys for being there for me. Love ya all. Hope you're doing good.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Oh Judy,
I'm crying for you reading of this new round of troubles, but here comes a pep talk!
It does sound like the chemo doctor wants to proceed in a way that allows for healing AND fights this dragon, which IS good news. I think a port is a blessing, and haven't you had 5FU in the past and tolerated it OK? The blood thinnners are a pain, but I know lots of people who have to take them (better than risking another clot right now)
Your doc's getting mad at the surgeon shows he is a strong advocate for you. So, hope your perspective can see some of this as good news!
"One day at a time", Judy. You have come so far and been through so much, of course your tired of it, but you have also been incredibly strong. I know you'll get through this, too.
Know that you have lots of friends here pulling and praying for you. the other Judy

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Judy, You are so sweet. Thanks for the pep talk. I just feel like I'm such a burden to my family right now. Danny was thinking about going on the road driving a truck and here I am having chemo again. Because of my cancer, he didn't go on the road last year. I just feel like a pain in the butt, no pun intented. I know I should probably be glad that the chemo doctor is being so active, but right now I just can't see it. In a few days, after I've had time to let it sink in, I'll be okay. That was the way I was when I found out about the recurrence last January. I'll be fine, I know. Just having a pity party right now. Thanks for being there and listening. Love ya girl.
The other Judy(grandma047)

Moesimo's picture
Moesimo
Posts: 1075
Joined: Aug 2003

Judy, I feel so bad for you. Hopefully one of these days it will be all behind you and you can get on with your life. I understand why you want to have a pity party. I also understand why you do not want to share any more bad news. I have reluctantly agrred to go ahead with having more surgery. I will have a permanent colostomy in Jan. I haven't told too many people yet. I haven'teven told my co-workers. I think I will only tell a select few anyhow.
Good luck with everything and I will be praying for you.
If you ever want to chat and have a pity party, just email me.
Maureen

stefaniet
Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2004

Hi Judy
Its sounds like my mom's life story. just when she thought she was done it has to start all over again!
sometimes it really sucks, but look at it this way...they are being extra cautious. which means they really want to get it right. Its o.k., the winter sucks anyway! its too cold to do anything outside so better now then the summer. Your going to pull through this, you sound really strong. My mom was on blood thinners too, in and out of the hospital 3 times a week to check how thin her blood was, then on top of that was her chemo. She says she doesn't even notice when she gets poked anymore. She has a port too, better that then ruining all the veins in your arm.
I'll keep you in my prayers, everything is going to ok...
Stefaniet

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Judy,

Hopefully today finds you feeling better. I would be glad that your oncologist wants to be cautious. Since you have already taken the 5-FU before, you already know what to expect. I know it isn't easy, but you can do it.

Stay Strong,

Kay

cheer3's picture
cheer3
Posts: 106
Joined: May 2003

Hello Judy,
I just read your last post, my heart aches for you. I have kept up with you since May. I don't always respond with a post. Let me share with you something which helps me more than I could ever express. I just stay in the moment, I do not let myself think about all the what if's. Please don't miss understand, you are going to be aware of the future. Just be good to your self, do everything that you can to improve your health, and make now better, don't worry about any thing that is necessary to get you better.I would just think OK this is another path I must take. One day you will be as I am now and look back. WOW now that is a moment. I have had you in my prayers since May, and you have been on prayer list at my church since May 8, 2004. I hope I have said something you can use.
Blessings,
Jean

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