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Intimacy and Sexuality

LEP
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2004

My wife is a 7 year cancer survivor. Unfortunately, we have not been able to be intimate for more than that seven year period. I have extreme guilt about my personal desires and need to have the closeness of her. Fantasies are the only way I remain faithful to my wedding vows. I know this has got to be common in male caregivers, but I never have been able to talk about it or hear it talked about at support group meetings. Does anyone else out there need to discuss this?

ExecDad
Posts: 6
Joined: Oct 2004

My wife is a one year plus cancer survivor that was diagnosed with breast that metasticized to the brain.

It has been far less time for me, but I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I am only 39 and she is 36, and I still love her, but our physical relationship is shot.

I have no idea what to do either

layne34
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2004

Guys, it's not just you. My husband was dx'd in May '04. Our sex life came to a screeching halt. However, I began looking for a different intimacy. Giving him back rubs was what he could accept and it was our connection. It was our physical connection. Our communication has also become more intimate. Make sure you are talking with your wives and find a way to keep your love alive. We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary and every day I am more in love with him and feel more deeply connected.
Peace, love, happiness and health,
Layne

Tom_N_Lora
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2004

I don't know where to start. My wife was diagnosed with cancer in 2000. Radiation saved her life, but the after-effects destroyed our sex life. She has scar tissue that does not allow us to have sex. We have not had sex for 3 years. At first we did other things, but that became, well, wrong. I was getting the satisfaction, nothing for her. I tried everything, but since she is unable to have normal intercourse and also her nerve endings have become desensitized. I love her still and I see her the same way I did the day I met her, but she does not see herself as being a whole woman. She is sad, angry, frustrated and basically, she has formed a wall around her feelings and her heart. We've been married for 12 years and we have 2 great kids. We have recently separated. Not my choice, but the anger has gotten the better of her. I don't know how to fix it. Just know I know what you're going through. I wish I had answers for all of us.

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