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how do i get back to me
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Oct 13, 2004 - 12:12 pm
at 23 I was put in the caregivers role. My partner was very ill. Today after three years of treatment and terrible side effects he is doing great. However I am not doing so well. I have no idea who I am. i feel lost and it is eating me alive. the focus of my life was on him for the entire time. I tried to express my feelings to him but I don't think he quite understands. Can someone please help me. I just do not feel like I can take care of myself the way I used to. |
Joined: Jan 2002
We have been caring for our son for 8 yrs. out of a bmt for leukemia. He has many late effects that require continual help everyday.We are thankful he's alive but it has taken a tremendous
psycholgical toll on all 3 of us. We are also the primary care people for our very old moms that still live in their homes. We have sought psychological and medical help from professionals that have some experience in post-traumatic stress,depression,and anxiety problems and it has been helpful. Take care of yourself now! Life will never be quite the same but it can be good. Fell free to reply.
dickl
Joined: Oct 2004
Thank you for responding. I am so sorry to hear about your son. What you wrote about living life now really hit me hard. Because in a sense I have stopped. At least I have for myself. I think that I am mourning the life we used to have. I finally realize that we are two different people now. He too had effects from the chemo that came late and I think that it's because of this that I find it hard to breath. Almost like I am waiting for the next thing to happen. I think I should have used this community before now and maybe I would not feel like this. You have really helped me.I Thank You!
Joined: Jan 2002
anmahrie,
We too wait for the next issue to hit but life goes on.People who have never had these experiences don't understand very well so it's important to use forums like this to talk to those that do . Almost al of the kids in the hem.-onc.ward when we were there did not make it, so whle my son has had a tough life as a child he's still luckier than many. It has also in stange ways left him a stronger person.He remembers very little of his treatment period and that it just as well. Never give in to hopeless and despair, there is help out there and you have to be your father and your stongest advocate.
You can e-mail me at this site under my user name dickl.
dickl
Joined: Jul 2004
Hello anmahrie,
I am now twice a caregiver. I assisted my ex-husband for years and intensely for the year that he died. I came down with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome afterwards and, like you, lost the focus of my life.
I have not got it back yet and now I am caregiver for my present husband who has an aggressive stage iv cancer.
But...unlike you I am 56 years old and cannot visualize very well a new full life quite yet and I believe that the ability to visualize something for yourself is crucial to 'getting back to me'.
If you feel a continual sense of loss and futility, I think it might be good to do some serious contemplation about who you are now...what your interests and passions are and how you can find ways to express them (for me I already know this but I am still a caregiver now).
Talking to someone who understands you and who you trust would help. No, the person you have been caregiving for is probably used to the role and can't yet be a receiver for you (not at this point anyway). If no one like that is available, a therapist would be helpful I think. I have used them and it did help defuse some of the feelings.