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Still crying a lot

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

I went to a bridal shower for my neice on Saturday night, one of the few times I've been out, and the sister in law that always sticks her foot in her mouth really got to me. She kept pestering me about how much I weighed and I wouldn't tell her. I have lost 35 lbs since May, but I'm still a little overweight. She is very small, and has a real obsession with weight. She always asks everyone how much they weigh. Well, this hapened as soon as I walked in the door. Then, my neice that's getting married was telling everyone she is going to become a LPN. Well, my sister in law goes into this big discussion that she could never do that because she couldn't clean someone else's butt. I just got up and walked in another room and started crying. I still have a lot of emotions connected with this colostomy thing. Well, later she asks if she hurt my feelings somehow. I said no, that it was just me, which is probably more true than I'd like to admit. Then the next day I had stomach pain all day and thought it was because I had ate so much at the shower. But... after talking to the doctor on call and finally the urologist, I find out that my cathether is stopped up and urine is backing up in me causing the pain. When I got to the emergency room they actually drew 800 cc of urine out of me. They said you start to hurt at around 300cc and they said my bladder could has burst. What next!!!! No wonder I cry all the time. Then my husband yelled at me the next day because I accidentally dropped some bread in the floor. I told him if it upset him that much that I'd go buy a new loaf. I think he's on edge because I am. Sorry, this was so long. Do you think I'm over reacting, or should I still be teary eyed????? Help!!
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

MJay's picture
MJay
Posts: 132
Joined: Aug 2004

Judy, I haven't gone through the surgery yet but I imagine it will take a long time to get your emotions back to normal. Even if you haven't been through surgery whose business is it what you weigh!!!!!!!! That is just rude! I am a tiny little thing and would never in a million years ask how much a person weighs. A good friend of mine had gastric bypass surgery and recently hit the 200lb lost point and I STILL don't know what her starting weight was. If she wants me to know she will tell me. Dear Abby or Ann Landers always had the reply, "If you will forgive me for not answering I will forgive you for asking."

Hang in there Judy. This was a not a little thing you went through. Give yourself time. It will get better. And you are allowed to be emotional!!! It's ok!!! MJay

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

Judy: Please remember that you are as whole and perfect as God created you, and if you believe this, so will everyone else who comes in contact with you..please visit some of the following Ostomy sites for some wonderful CSN-type support,
esp. Shaz's site-(www.ostomy.org) Bud

www.ostomy.org

http://www.uoa.org/discussion_main.htm

http://ostomyinternational.org/

http://homepage.powerup.com.au/~takkenb/OstomySites.htm

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1246
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Judy...

I just have one request...give me the address or phone number of that sister in law...she and I need to "chat"! Ok, give me a minute while I climb up on my soapbox...

To begin with...people who are that obsessed with the exteriors of people, are highly lacking on their OWN INTERIORS! They are so insecure, that the only way they can make themselves seem "better" or more important is at the cost of others, not on their own merits. Don't let morons like that make you feel down...instead, feel sorry for the little imp and how screwed up and selfish she is. God will deal with her later!

Secondly, you have been through a lot. You have gone through more than many people have, and although it isn't "fair" it has to be dealt with. You are NOT over-reacting. You are a human being with real emotions and real feelings. Tell hubby not to cry over spilled bread! I'm sure everything you are dealing with, he is dealing with. It's hard on him emotionally to see you go through so much physically and mentally. Time will ease things. I promise.

You have been given SO many things to confront lately, and you have come SO far! I am proud of you and am certain you can work your new circumstances into your life. My prayers go out to you and your hubby.

Keep that chin up!

Stacy

ramona41's picture
ramona41
Posts: 72
Joined: Jul 2004

hi judy.. i am 41 and had my surgery 4 weeks ago. i was marked for a bag and told i would probably have one permantely or temporarly. i didnt have one when i woke up. but i did think about it alot the days before surgery. and i was very afraid i wouldnt be strong enough to deal with that and ahem*certain assanine people* and yes some related to me also. i have a lot of respect for anyone who has to go thru what you are and the everyday things that are life.. i finally had to call my one sibling that i dont get a long with very well. because the doc said make sure to tell your blood relatives. and yes i wanted to go to heavenwith a clean slate so i made myself call her. and do you know what i got from her..ohhh thats nasty.. just talking about having colon cancer and her having a colonoscopy to be safe. I was just like oookay.. you have been told have a great life. i have my first appointment with an oncologist and talk about treatment the 17th of sept. am scared but wont be sharing that with idiot sister. not sure if anything i am typing here helps. but i do think you are a strong person.. you are going thru a lot.. i think we have all had days around this board where we just wanted to crawl under a rock and have everyone leave us the hell alone.. and days where ya just dont want to deal with anything else. but i believe..if you are going thru hell..... then keep on going. i will pray for you. just know we care about you here.. and as for me you are a hero.. i admire your strength and courage.. cause i can see it in your posts..you want to fight this thing and keep going.. it makes you mad and angry and thats what lets me know you are a hero.. probably could kick cat woman's butt.. love and peace.. ramona41

littlejulie's picture
littlejulie
Posts: 311
Joined: Mar 2004

i'm not going to take this lightly...your sis in law is a *****! oops...did i take that too far?! well, that was the first thought i had. stay away from mrs. skinny no heart and just surround yourself with postive people.

My mother feels much more comfortable at home too. Judy - you had a MAJOR operation - it's going to take time to get use too. I think we're all on edge sometimes. I'm only the caregiver but sometimes I freak out on anybody who's there. It's hard to control all the feelings of worry, stress, depression, anxiety and everything that those along with this. I guess the feelings sometimes come out even if we don't realize they are there. do I make any sense? i really hope the tears are less and less each passing day.

julie

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Judy,

I hope that you are feeling better today. Try and keep your focus on healing your body. You have been through more than most and your emotions are understandly fragile right now.

You are to be commended on going to the family event, even though you probably didn't feel up to it. Keep up the great fight and remember you are not alone.

Hugs,

Kay

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2084
Joined: Dec 2001

(((((((judy)))))))

Oh honey, people are so thoughtless sometimes.

I have to say that at the beginning I cried alot. Each of us handles this differently and for me crying was a good release.

There is so much pressure on us from those around us (and a lot on them too, but I think at this time they can 'just get over it' and support us). i remember one particulary trying day when my mother fussed at me because I was on the phone all day and not paying attention to her!! Can you believe it? I was on the phone with practioners and water purifier people and supplement people and nutritionists....you name it. It was a busy day. And all she could think about were HER needs! I let her have it (which is not in my nature) and WAILED! I mean I bawled and begged my husband to take me outta there--which he did and we walked a hiking trail as I cried my eyes out. I didn''t care who saw me....

Point is: I do NOt think you are 'over reacting". Who gets to set the gauge anyhow? Who says when it is too much? Where are the rules?

There are none.

You are you and need to do for you what needs to be done.

And one day you will wake up and the tears will be gone....until the next time down the road.....to give you a platitude: This too shall pass.

I send you a big hug ((((((JUDY))))))

On those bad teary days I treated myself to a big hot bubble bath with essential oils and candle light. Try it.

peace, emily who doesn't need to cry as often now

taunya's picture
taunya
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

Dear Judy,
I have to say that Little Julie said it best(blush). I am so mad at that woman! I could just give you a big 'ole hug and make you a cup of tea! I wish I could make this transition better for you. My heart is hangin' out all over the place here! Hang in there. Keep venting here and let us take care of you when you feel down. It will pass but it is going to take time. Honestly, honey, not to flog a dead horse or anything but....counseling really helps! My whole family, kids and all went and it was such a help.

Here's to a better day tomorrow for you and your family. Be well.
Hugs,
Taunya

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