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My Mom will be gone in a few weeks...HELP!

Mylin
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2004

So in the last week I have been told my mom is dying and it will happen in a few weeks. She had breast cancer 7 years ago, became cancer free, then two years ago it was discovered that she had two lesions on her left rib cage. It was controlled with chemo up until about a few weeks ago when it was discoverd there were spots on her liver and lungs. A few days ago they found spots on her right and left brain lobes and brain stem. She's been talkative until yesterday which is when I got into town. She's at home in a hospital bed. She recognized me and could tell me she loved me, but her speech is slurred, she's lost tons of weight, I have to feed her and lift her to the bathroom. Hospice will be starting in here next week. She only has a few weeks and any advice anyone can give me, please do so. I hate that she sleeps so much because I want to talk to her. God, I don't want her to leave me. I'm 28 and I feel there are still so many things she needs to teach me.

ltp
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lost both my parents to cancer last year - it truly is terrible. I wasn't ready to lose them either. The only advice I can give is to cherish the time you have left - even if it isn't the way you want it to be. And remember that she will never really leave you.

amryberg
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

Hi....so much of what you said sounds familiar to me. I'm 28 too, and I lost my mom to cancer last month - I know what you mean about having to lift your mom, her being in a hospital bed, her sleeping all the time....and the devasting, dreadful feeling that her death is near. It's not at all fair, is it? You asked for advice..I thought what you said about you could tell that your mom loved you was perfect. I think the most important thing that you can do is have your mom be able to know that YOU love HER...and you're already doing it! Your presence is a great comfort to her....and by helping her to eat, etc. you are showing her the nuturing love that she showed you all these years as your mom. It's so difficult when you feel like your time with her is running out, I know. I wanted to ask her questions - sad questions - like what she would want her future grandchildren to call her, even though she would never meet them - but it was hard to find a time to do things like that when she was putting such an effort into just staying alive. It was nice to talk to her though..even when she couldn't reply. Maybe you could talk in a low voice to her while she is sleeping? Who knows?...she just might "hear" you. I tried to be a comfort to my mom - saying that the family will take care of each other...telling her not to worry...reassuring her that we will take care of her, even if she gets even sicker. I know I'm rambling..I guess it's because I don't quite know what to say. This will probably be the most difficult thing you've had to face. I don't know how I did it...and I don't know how you will...but somehow, we do. Thinking of you....

peggy65's picture
peggy65
Posts: 100
Joined: Jan 2009

i send you comfort and strength. I don't have any one thing for you to say or do for her, all i know is that she is still LIVING. although your time is short together, i hope and pray that you and your mom can find meaningful and loving conversation. hearing is the last sense that one loses, so talking or singing to her softly might help you both. when i was at my father's bedside and the end was near, i began to retell many of the stories that he had told me including all the fun things that we had done together or as a family.i didn't get a response from him but i know that he heard me and hopefully enjoyed hearing them again as much as i enjoyed telling him the stories. i am glad that hospice is coming in soon. they are a wonderful organization and you will find that their information, and care that they give will be helpful. They will make your mom comfortable and that is one of the things that we worry about in these circumstances. reach out for help. friends and family are eager to help out if asked. my minister told asked me when my dad was terminal, "how can you deprive your family and friends the pleasure of helping you out. at first i didn't understand what he meant but soon realized that he meant, when people need help, others come forward. you would do the same for someone else. take care of yourself, caregiving is a very challenging time. you need all of the rest that you can get. i am so sorry that your mom is so sick and i send you love, peggy

christylou
Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm so sorry for you. I lost my dad 7 1/2 weeks ago to cancer. I, too, am 28. I thought my dad would be there to see my kids being born... and to see them go through childhood. So, I know how you feel. My advice is to just be with her, even if she can't talk. I stayed by my dad's side until the hour he died. I wasn't always in the same room as him bc he was very grumpy and didn't want any of us around. He barely talked to us at all the last few weeks. But, I know he appreciated that we were near him. The day he died, he was very different. He wanted all of us around and he was happy. He couldn't talk, but you could see it in his eyes. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It's a nightmare.

christylou
Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2009

just realized that this is a really old post

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