in need of fast answers and help

KarenKL
KarenKL Member Posts: 42
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Having serious confusing problems. I had my delayed flam trap surgery Fri. My plastic surgeon told my husband everything on the right side went fine. My husband asked about my left side. The surgeon said he was only doing the right side he thought. Now when I was in his office prior to the surgery he understood I was having a bilaterl mastectomy. Both breasts were going and he was going to do the tram flap. Now he is saying I am not right for that procedure because I am only 32 yrs. old. Now that wasn't what I was originally told. I was told by both surgeons I was perfect. I don't smoke or drink. My surgeon also stated he thought my husband and I were 100% in agreement. Well I am, but my husband now isn't. Has anyone under the age of 50 had this procedure done with both breasts? Now they want me to consider saline implants knowing I am not in agreement with that. I refuse. This is my body my decision. Can anyone help me with this? Non of this sounds right. It seems to me, my husband is lying and the plastic surgeon doesn't want to get involved. He stated he didn't want to be the cause of problems between a married couple. Either way I am NOT letting a man decide what is best for me. Especially a "husband" who doesn't want to take care of me or help with our children.
Thank you for listening and any advice as I am having my mastectomy on the 13th unless I decide to hold off, (which is what I am looking at) will help.
Karen

Comments

  • wildangel
    wildangel Member Posts: 81
    #2
    Hi Karen,
    I have not had this procedure but I do know many people who have. The only thing I heard that was an issue with a tram was that there was not enough skin to do both - or even one for that matter. Meaning you are too thin.
    I know girls who have had single tram flaps as young as 30. As for a double I know 2 girls who chose to do a tram for one breast and a LAT flap for the other. The skin from the Lat is taken from the fatter part of your back and slid over.
    What concerns me the most is the way YOU are being left out of this equation.
    This raises red flags in my mind about your SURGEON. A waffling surgeon about to perform over eight hours of surgery on you is NOT what you need.
    If I were you I would get another opinion. I would also ask how many trams the doc has done and insist on seeing photos. It is a tricky procedure and they don't always "take". You want the BEST you can get. And it seems to me if he is acting like this he is unsure of the surgery himself. Get another opinion and tell your husband to mind his own business- they are YOUR breasts- not his.
    Sorry if I sounded fresh but this is not what you need right now.
    All the best to you.
    Angela
  • nganga4
    nganga4 Member Posts: 17
    #3
    I would contact a malpractice lawyer before I contact a divorce lawyer. I would then go for couples counselling because I have a sense that a lot has NOT been said here. It's your body. The days when the husband owned the wife's body are long past. Get yourself to a malpractice lawyer NOW and find another surgeon.
  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    #4
    Hi Karen, I know that we have been emailing about this outside the board, but, I just wanted to say again, that I agree with everything that these ladies have said, and I would like to add that I have a concern with how long they are taking to do the surgery. There doesn't seem to be a sense of urgency.

    Have you already had one side done? I am a little confused on that. Why didn't they do them at the same time? And what part of the country do you live in? It seems that different areas handle things differently, for some reason.

    I have a grave concern with the doctor. My doctor felt that the implants would be a better option, but, when I said no, he never said that again. It was totally my choice. He has a book of pics to show you what to expect and how well he does this surgery. Yours should have that too. And, you said something about him having changed his story, the doctor, concerning something that he has already done? This doctor worries me a lot. It is a huge undertaking and he has to have dedication, skill and experience.

    Good Luck to you honey...please let us know what you do...

    Jan
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #5
    If I were in your shoes I would find another surgeon - fast! I just might find another husband too :) If he's going to act like that you are better off going to the surgeon alone, the last thing you need right now is to cope with a negative spouse. Do you have a friend or relative who can go with you to the doc? Good luck, keep us posted, we'll be praying for you.
    Clara
    P.S. If you have listed your husband as your medical power of attorney, you need to change that before you talk to another surgeon.
  • KarenKL
    KarenKL Member Posts: 42
    #6
    unknown said:

    If I were in your shoes I would find another surgeon - fast! I just might find another husband too :) If he's going to act like that you are better off going to the surgeon alone, the last thing you need right now is to cope with a negative spouse. Do you have a friend or relative who can go with you to the doc? Good luck, keep us posted, we'll be praying for you.
    Clara
    P.S. If you have listed your husband as your medical power of attorney, you need to change that before you talk to another surgeon.

    Thank God, no my husband is not my power of attorney. My Mom works during the day and it is hard for her to take off due to her divorcing and needs to pay the bills alone now. I am seriously considering a new plastic surgeon, but I can't seem to get my general surgeon to contact me now.
    Thank you. Karen
  • KarenKL
    KarenKL Member Posts: 42
    #7
    seeknpeace said:

    Hi Karen, I know that we have been emailing about this outside the board, but, I just wanted to say again, that I agree with everything that these ladies have said, and I would like to add that I have a concern with how long they are taking to do the surgery. There doesn't seem to be a sense of urgency.

    Have you already had one side done? I am a little confused on that. Why didn't they do them at the same time? And what part of the country do you live in? It seems that different areas handle things differently, for some reason.

    I have a grave concern with the doctor. My doctor felt that the implants would be a better option, but, when I said no, he never said that again. It was totally my choice. He has a book of pics to show you what to expect and how well he does this surgery. Yours should have that too. And, you said something about him having changed his story, the doctor, concerning something that he has already done? This doctor worries me a lot. It is a huge undertaking and he has to have dedication, skill and experience.

    Good Luck to you honey...please let us know what you do...

    Jan

    I have not had a matectomy at all. My general surgeon said I have enough time to wait because the cancer is relatively small. I live in Ohio.
    My plastic surgeon did show me pics. the problem now is he is saying I am to young, to active and with small kids to have both breasts done with the Tram Flap, but he told my husband that I could have one done. Now that still doesn't make much sense.
    Thank you.
    Karen
  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
    #8
    KarenKL said:

    Thank God, no my husband is not my power of attorney. My Mom works during the day and it is hard for her to take off due to her divorcing and needs to pay the bills alone now. I am seriously considering a new plastic surgeon, but I can't seem to get my general surgeon to contact me now.
    Thank you. Karen

    Hi Karen:

    You do not have to wait for a reluctant general surgeon to contact YOU.

    You can find another doc right away, if that's what you want. You don't need any input from the doctor who has given you confusing info and doesn't seem confident in precisely what he's recommending to you, with flapping back and forth with his opinions...one suggestion to you and another one to your hubby. That makes no sense to me. And why is he recommending procedures to your husband instead of yourself?

    My suggestion is to scratch these doc's off your list and start over. Get your complete records and get in to another surgeon ASAP! My suggestion is to find a surgeon who "specializes" in breasts diseases/conditions if possible in your area. While some general surgeon's may be skilled with lumpectomies, mastectomies, lymph node dissections, they are likely to have done a whole lot less of them than a specializing breast surgeon. You want the best skill you can find. You also want someone who realizes WHO the patient is here and is able to speak with you DIRECTLY about your options and his/her recommendations, etc..

    My feeling is that enough time has elapsed already and right now you need to focus 100% on finding a surgeon with whom you're comfortable and get on with whatever surgery is best for you. Worry about other issues later. Right now, you have CANCER IN YOUR BREAST and it needs to be addressed immediately because the clock is ticking!

    Get online and research types of surgeries which will help you to better understand them and learn what the criteria may be for each surgery, with recovery times, complication possibilities etc., including reconstruction. Go to google.com and type in breast cancer surgery and then try reconstructive breast surgery. You should find some good stuff about it all. Too, the more you know, the more you know what questions you may want to ask your doctor(s) in order to help you make the best choices for yourself.

    Why you'd need to be "in agreement" with your husband over which procedure you're going to have is an outrage to my sensibilites but that the surgeon said that he "thought" the two of you were in agreement and seemed to need this to be the case is the most insulting thing imaginable. Is he treating YOU or YOUR HUSBAND? It isn't in his job description to secure a husband's permission about these things, since you said that hubby does NOT have your medical power of attorney. Far be it from him to displease hubby! Damnation! (sorry, I swear very infrequently, but this is the most absurd thing I've ever heard of, regarding female breast cancer!)

    Three things to keep in mind: THIS IS: YOUR life, YOUR body, YOUR decisions. Period. Get to a new surgeon as quicly as you can and please keep us posted.

    Love, light and laughter,
    Ink

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