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Mom just passed away from cancer

shallisey
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 2004

My mother just passed away on Wednesday. I feel so numb. If I don't think about her for 15 minutes, I feel like I am losing her all over again. She had adenocarcinoma of unknown origin. She didn't even get the chance to really fight with chemotherapy. She was diagnosed at the end of January and died in 4 months. I don't know how to go on or what to do. I'm 33, I know I should have a better handle on this, but I just don't. I just wanted to write out some of my feelings where people would understand. Thanks, Sara.

layne34
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2004

Sara,
I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to let you know that although you feel you do not have a handle on this, you do. You have put your voice out there, not become catatonic. You are experienceing your feelings, not going numb. and nothing will ever erase your mother or the love you shared. She will always be with you in your heart and mind. You will be amazed at how she will reappear at the strangest of times. You may not be able to call her on the phone, but I believe you can call on her at any time.
Remember you are doing okay and you are not alone.
Peace, love, happiness and health,
Layne

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Sara,
This board is not as active as some others, and I feel badly that there has been limited response to your very sad post. I lost my dad to colon cancer; his recurred after 2 pretty good years from original diagnosis, but the recurrance was diagnosed in September and he died that December. I felt so sad and helpless at the time; even though I'm a nurse with hospice experience, being with a family member to the end takes away a little part of you.
It's been 3 years since I lost my dad, and now my memories tend to fly to the good times. Don't worry about ever forgetting your mom, not possible. I have kept some silly reminders of my dad after we closed out the house. Every time I use his change purse, or need his little pocket knife, or look at his train collection, it reminds me of him.
You will get a handle on this, just relax your expectations and allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes. It does feel less painful over time.
Hang in there; feel free to e-mail me if I can help. Judy

mschaben
Posts: 9
Joined: Nov 2003

Hi, I know how you feel. I am twenty-eight and lost my mom on April 27th 2004. She had glioblastoma grade iv brain cancer. She only live nine months from her diagnosis. She did chemo, surgery and radiation. She just couldn't beat this terrible disease. She was only sixty. I have two daughters ages 8 and 2. They were very close to grandma so it has been very hard. I called my mom every day two or three times a day. I have problems with anxiety and got worse when she got really sick. I am taking medicine for it and hope it works. Watching someone you love die slowly is the hardest thing I have every done. Knowing that she won't be around for her granddaughters is very hard to deal with. If you need to talk you can reply back to this or email me at kountryliving26@yahoo.com

Take care,
Mary

gerid
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2004

I'm very sorry for your loss. I just lost my husband of 34 years. He was diagnosed in Oct. 03. We tried two surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy, but he still lost his fight. I haven't had a chance to go thru all the emotions yet, but numbness I can relate to. He was only 52, far too young to be taken. We just had his celebration of life today. Seeing so many people there(more than I had imagined) really helped myself and our daughters. He may be gone just like your Mom, but the memories we have can never be taken from us. We'll think of them often, cry when least expected, smile when we hear their favorite song or see their favorite movie. I do understand, and yes it does help to speak with others in the same situation. Take care Sara, Geri

myangel
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2004

I am so sorry My mom was dignosed on Jan 6th 2004 with bone,lung, liver cancer. they did radiation, and chemo and experimental however she lost her battle on June 10,2004. I feel so lost without her It was hard watching my strong mom so weak and not be able t do anything for herself she couldnt walk or sit or talk at the end the tumors spread quickly and they spread toher stomach kidneys and Brain. She was not the strong mom that I knew and loved. I am glad I was there the day she died. It was hard But I am thankful for the time I had with her. I am so mad at the doctors for not finding it soon enough at God for letting this happen to such a strong woman. She was only 54. The day after my Mom's furneral when I got home there was a morning dove sitting on top of my porch and it has been there ever since. My 11 year old went in the garage and it flew at him and smacked him on the head and he came in and said Mom Grandma just smacked me What did I do? It has only been two months I still pick up the phone to call her but I know she is still with me. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me. Take as long as you need to grieve. It is ok to cry and be mad I get so mad sometimes I scream.

ponchoandlefty
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2004

Hi shallisey,

I feel your pain. I've just lost a love one myself. My father was diagnosed with cancer on June 21, 2004, he passed away August 3, 2004. I was with him when they told him it was terminal. The cancer moved so fast he never had a chance. They scheduled several chemo treatments, not to extend how long he would live, but to improve his quality of life. He received one round of chemo and when he arrived for the second round they just sent him home. Hospice started coming daily to give him baths, dispense medicine, and make him comfortable as possible. Six weeks to the day later he went home with the lord.

I should also tell you I had to go through this with my father-in-law so I knew what I was facing. He lived for 9 months after he was diagnosed. To top it off my mother-in-law died 17 days after him of a brain aneurysm. It tore my wife apart, but she made it through.

For myself, I have so busy with tending his affairs, my wife and children, and catching up at work I have not even had time to grieve. I don't know if I will. I don't know if I was so prepared for the inevitable or what, but I don't find myself anguishing that he's gone. I think most of sadness is that I can't talk to him anymore.

Don't despair, look around you, she's in everything you are and everything you do. Be comforted in knowing she is but a prayer away.

Best wishes, Robert W.

mnd6661
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2004

Sara:

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know exactly what you are feeling. I lost my Dad on Oct. 9th to metastatic adenocarcinoma of unknown origin. All we know is that the cancer was in his lymph nodes. He had a biopsy on Oct. 7th and we found out he had cancer the morning he passed away. My family or my Dad never knew how sick he was. I too cannot get a handle on this, how can we? I lost a very important part of my life forever, no day from now on will ever be the same. I miss him so much.

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