May 12, 2004 - 1:01 am
My mom passed away 3 years ago, May 17, after fighting colon cancer for just shy of 2 years. I'm not sure I ever really went through the grieving process. I'm having a more difficult time dealing now than I did then. I miss her sooooo much. I cry at everything lately. And I've been very short tempered with my children the last few days. I was only 34 when my mom passed and I have no friends who have lost a parent to cancer with whom I can talk. I could talk, but they wouldn't really understand. Does it ever get easier. Even thinking about good times brings emptiness and pain because she's not here to share any more times with. It's so hard. I've really struggled with trying to be strong for my son who was 11 at the time and very close to my mom but also showing him that I miss her too. I think the only time I cried in front of him was at the funeral. And I was 2 1/2 months pregnant when my mom passed. I'm a stay at home mom but that is so bittersweet because there are so many times every day that I want to call my mom and tell her what my daughter did today and I can't. And I love my dad so much, but his reaction just isn't the same as my mom's would have been. I'm having an especially hard time this month and I don't know why. This is the hardest it's been yet except for the night she died, the day of the funeral and during the time that I wrote all of the thank you notes from our family. How do I make it easier to deal with?