My Father is Dead

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blessings1020
blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Don't know of any nicer way to put it. Police officer came to my door today and told me he committed suicide yesterday...shot himself. I haven't seen him in 34 years but the news of his suicide brought back many old memories. Thought I didn't care about him anymore...now I know I loved him, he was my father.

At this point, don't know how much more I can take.

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  • sandytrif525
    sandytrif525 Member Posts: 106
    #2
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    dear blessing. So sorry about your father. I know that no matter how bad/good our parents are, it hurts when they are gone. Will keep you in my prayers. Sandy
  • BJayeCo
    BJayeCo Member Posts: 13
    #3
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    Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry, what devastating news. Even though you had lost touch, it still hurts. You've been thru a rough time, but you will come thru this and be stronger. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I'm thinking of you and send by best to you and yours. Hugs, BJaye
  • kcbh
    kcbh Member Posts: 8
    #4
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    Dear Blessings, Please be aware that a difficult on even non-relationship can be very difficult to mourn. Possibly because on some level we may hope for a reconciliation or improvement. The death can also trigger old memories both good & bad. On a cynical note, be careful, a friend of mine who had been robbed & deserted by her husband was pressured to pay for his burial since they had never divorced!
  • live42day
    live42day Member Posts: 64
    #5
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    So sorry to hear about your father. You are right, he was still your father, and it is hard to lose a parent whatever the relationship was like. Don't let this get in the way of your recovery. Do you have other family that is still alive to talk to about this? Talking is good for the soul. Take care.
    Janet
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #6
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    live42day said:

    So sorry to hear about your father. You are right, he was still your father, and it is hard to lose a parent whatever the relationship was like. Don't let this get in the way of your recovery. Do you have other family that is still alive to talk to about this? Talking is good for the soul. Take care.
    Janet

    I want to thank you all for your kind words and your prayers.

    My father stopped communicating with me six years ago and he never got to see the only two grandchildren he ever had (I have two sons) but that was his choice. I am finding out more and more about his situation and his caretaker in Oregon (I am in PA) informed me that dad was mentally ill and hadn't left his house in almost a year. I have said my prayers and I forgive my dad...I ask that he forgive me as well. I just feel so darn guilty. I do have a sister to talk about this with and we are trying to make provisions for his body, etc. and it is quite time consuming and stressful. We want him to have his last wishes.

    God's Blessings and my eternal gratitude...Diane
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #7
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    kcbh said:

    Dear Blessings, Please be aware that a difficult on even non-relationship can be very difficult to mourn. Possibly because on some level we may hope for a reconciliation or improvement. The death can also trigger old memories both good & bad. On a cynical note, be careful, a friend of mine who had been robbed & deserted by her husband was pressured to pay for his burial since they had never divorced!

    kcbh..wanted to let you know it is already happening. My father's sister-in-law (married to still living brother) called and stated sis and I are responsible for clearing out his house, paying for burial, etc. Stated if we could not do it, sign estate over to her/husband and they would do it. Found out today from dad's caretaker that dad has lakeside property in Texas and this is why our Aunt wanted the estate signed over. My brother-in-law is paying for dad's funeral (he will get a funeral with full military honors USAF) and he and sis are going to Oregon to settle estate.

    I find it absolutely vile what some people do when someone passes away. Give us a chance to mourn our father...

    Point well taken, and thank you. Sometimes, it is hard to think clearly when you are grieving.

    Diane
  • kcbh
    kcbh Member Posts: 8
    #8
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    blessings1020 said:

    kcbh..wanted to let you know it is already happening. My father's sister-in-law (married to still living brother) called and stated sis and I are responsible for clearing out his house, paying for burial, etc. Stated if we could not do it, sign estate over to her/husband and they would do it. Found out today from dad's caretaker that dad has lakeside property in Texas and this is why our Aunt wanted the estate signed over. My brother-in-law is paying for dad's funeral (he will get a funeral with full military honors USAF) and he and sis are going to Oregon to settle estate.

    I find it absolutely vile what some people do when someone passes away. Give us a chance to mourn our father...

    Point well taken, and thank you. Sometimes, it is hard to think clearly when you are grieving.

    Diane

    My sister had multible mental illnesses. I feel is that now that she is gone, she has left those problems behind her and would be grateful I was there for her daughter. There was a major jealousy issue while she was alive. I wish my niece could see it that way & stop feeling guilty. My sister's beautiful side, (and she did have one before her illness took over) can shine through now that she is in a better place. I truly believe that and try to remember only that person. Maybe this approach will help you.
    You're sure right about death, the way it brings out greed is awful. My thoughts & prayers are with you. Kate
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #9
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    kcbh said:

    My sister had multible mental illnesses. I feel is that now that she is gone, she has left those problems behind her and would be grateful I was there for her daughter. There was a major jealousy issue while she was alive. I wish my niece could see it that way & stop feeling guilty. My sister's beautiful side, (and she did have one before her illness took over) can shine through now that she is in a better place. I truly believe that and try to remember only that person. Maybe this approach will help you.
    You're sure right about death, the way it brings out greed is awful. My thoughts & prayers are with you. Kate

    Thank you so much, Kate, for your kind words. I only wish my own family were as kind.

    Blessings...Diane

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