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grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi all, I'll try to make this short. I appreciate all the answers I got about the sister-in-law problem and I realize she is just trying to find someone to listen to her whining. Well, today my daughter called and they put my 5 yr old grandson in the hospital. He has pneumonia. Well, while I was on the phone telling my mother, she called and the caller ID didn't register her number,so I answered. I told her about my grandson and all she could do was tell me that she had pneumonia when she was in the 3rd grade and how bad she felt. I finally, after telling her I had to go several times, got off the phone. Well, less than 5 minutes later she shows up at my door, with a pants suit that she wants to give me and says, " I hope you don't get mad, but I wanted to give this to you. It's too little for me. It's an extra large." Then she just stands there. I was trying to fix dinner before leaving for the hospital to see my grandson. I told her to have a seat and I'd be in there in a minute. She just stood there. My son came in from the store to bring me hamberger buns and couldn't get around her. He says,"yes, please sit down". She just stares and says well I can't stay but a minute. Then turns around and leaves. I could tell she wanted to say something. I think she was going to unload all her problems on me, but when my son came in she decided not to. No grandson is not doing well at all. His oxygen level is about 89 and they want it to be at least 96 or 97. He's on oxygen. Please if you pray, please pray for him. I also had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance on Friday night. I was having severe pains in the back of my head and shoulder and in my chest when I took a deep breath. They said chemo and radiation can cause different things in different people and put me on loratabs and flexeril. With the stress of everything else, it's no wonder my head and neck hurts. What should I do about my sister-in-law? How do I get past the stress of cancer, a sick grandson, a very sick dad, two crazy sister-in-laws my daughter not having a good marriage, etc. etc.etc.
I think I'm going to lose my mind soon. But do you hear me whining to everyone. Well, just to you guys. Sorry you have to hear all the vents. Thanks for listening if you made it this far. LOL
Love ya all and appreciate all the help you've been to me. Any comments of suggestions will be appreciated. You've always been there since the first time I came to this site. Thanks guys
Judy H(grandma047)

schoolgirl
Posts: 29
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Judy... Grandchildren are special. Advice you may not have asked for, I am no Ann Landers, but I would put all my energy into getting well, and getting my grandson well. I would establish "Front Row Seats" labeled my Supporters. Definition of supporters.... people that want to help you, people that will listen to you, people that care about you,,, POSTIVE PEOPLE. I am sure there are many people in your life that you can fill up the front row, that really care about you and love you. Kick that in-law out. Sometime a person needs to get angry and take control. Yes, I am kind of angry, knowing that a person would come in on a person that is ill, that has enough problems just trying to cope with cancer, and they would dump unimportant issues on you. A cancer patient needs all the strength they can get and that strength does not need to be focused on negative people desiring attention. Hope your grandson regains his health, and you have the strength to put your health before your in-laws. Loving thoughts and prayers. Yvonne

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Look grandma, You need to step back and look at this situation from an "outsiders" perspective. As for your grandson, that is a legitimate concern and I truely hope that he improves soon. I think what your sister-in-law was trying to say was that she has pneumonia too, and she made it through and is OK.....I do not know the woman and I cannot say for sure, but it sounds like she is TRYING to be nice to you, i.e. bringing the pants suit.
Obviously there is no meeting of the minds between you two. Why don't you just tell her that you need time for yourself right now, that you have enough problems to deal with and cannot deal w/ hers. Do not feel bad that you "told her off" in the e-mail or on the phone the other day, or whatever it was. Obviously you weren't that mean, because here she is, still bugging you!
Do you have insurance that would cover psychological counseling? Is there a therapist in your area who deals w/ oncology patients? It might really help you to talk to someone else about these coping problems you are having who can give you some professional advise. In my non-professional opinion, you need to focus on yourself. Of course you are going to worry about your grandson and your father, but all the rest is a bunch of b.s.! Your daughters marital problems are non-life threatening.....and they are her problems. All these people in your life need to deal w/ their own problems so that you can focus on your own. You need to tell them that, as harsh as it may sound.
Good luck to you, Susan
P.S. make yourself an appointment w/ a massage therapist. I have been getting massages throughout my 2 year "ordeal", I don't know how I would have managed w/o them!

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