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MOTHER IS NOT BEING TRUTHFUL

mygen
Posts: 9
Joined: Mar 2004

MY MOM HAS MUTIPLE MYELOMA. SHE IS ON DIALYSIS 9 HOURS A DAY BECAUSE A SECOND TYPE OF CANCER (AMALOYDS) HAS COMPLETLY SHUT DOWN HER KIDNEYS. SHE HAS 3 DOCTORS APTS EACH WEEK AND WILL NO LONGER TELL ME ANYTHING. SHE JUST SAYS "OH IT WAS NOTHING". HOW DO YOU GET A PARENT TO UNDERSTAND YOU CAN DEAL WITH THINGS BETTER IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON? SHE THINKS MY SISTER AND I HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVE VERY YOUNG CHILDREN. IS THERE SOMEONE THAT IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING? THANKS

vix
Posts: 16
Joined: Feb 2004

Hello; what a path you're on! I understand your Mom's feelings as well as yours. (mostly yours as my own mom has endured three seperate cancers!) Maybe you could attend some of the appointments with her? It is ALWAYS better to have an extra set of ears in these scenarios. Sometimes if you just take a firm stand it helps them let themselves off the hook. Tell her that you are a family and in this together; that you, too, WANT to talk about it. Also, point out how SHE would feel if it were you and you kept it from her so she wouldn't worry. She really does need support (YOU, TOO!), but I think it is a difficult thing to accept from your children, especially when you're sick. Down the road you may find your roles reversed; you will become the parental figure and she will be in your care. It takes alot for a Mom to accept this; they NEVER want you to worry as they live/embrace that word better than anyone. I just survived my first cancer and it affected my Mom so strongly that it scared me (and I'm 48!); but it was because it was me; her child. And they are used to the role of protector. Just nudge gently, sit with her often, laugh when you can, and let her see that she can lean on you always. She knows this, but she is in a scary place right now and wants to keep you from entering, as it is one that requires a lot of challenge from the person facing it. It might take a while for her to come to terms with it herself, and then she can lean on you. Keep talking, and I imagine you will eventually get her to come around. Write back if you want; I am here. In friendship, Victoria

bluesk134
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2004

My mom was the exact same way except her feelings on it was that she felt she would be a burden. She would lie about her pain and other things that was going wrong. Why I am not sure, but even after I found out the truth about it all...it did not change my feelings. You can never prepare yourself enough for what may or may not happen. My mom died on May 1st 2004. I am still devastated. Be patient. Whatever, you are feeling she is feeling a million times worse. Good luck and may God be with you.

blueroan
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2004

My mother has been through 3 cnacers and si starting her chemo again and she was not truthful with em until recently. I do not live close to her so it made worse for me. I just told her what my feelings were on it. I was lucky enough that she finally understood where I was coming from and that I handled it better with knowing the full truth than when she told me half of it. Talk to your mom and be honest about how you feel about her not telling you everything. Communication is is a great tool. I hope this helps you out. I also have young children I am rasing.

mygen
Posts: 9
Joined: Mar 2004

WHAT KIND IS YOUR MOTHER DEALING WITH? MY MOM HAS NOW HAD TO RETIRE FROM HER JOB. SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT AND WANTS TO GO SHOPPING WITH ME AND THE BOYS. I FEEL SO BAD THAT SHE IS TRYING SO HARD TO DO THINGS AND SHE DOES NOT FEEL LIKE IT. SHE COULD ONLY STAY UP FOR ABOUT 3 HOURS ON MOTHERS DAY. I JUST WANTED TO SAY, THANKS FOR WRITING BACK. SOMETIMES I FEEL SO ALONE EVEN THOUGH I AM SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE. THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

mermayd
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2004

Hi- I'm new to this network thing, and hopefully it will serve to enlighten me or at least make me feel less helpless. My mother is in remission at the moment (laryngeal cancer) and I am afraid she is never going to make it if she doesn't begin being proactive. The truthful aspect is also a problem. She isn't even truthful with her doctor. She sleeps all the time and still has a feeding tube b/c her throat is so sore that she can't eat consistently. I think she is seriously depressed but she won't accept that or get help for it. It is seriously impacting her recovery as well as making my Dad and everyone else feel the same way she does. Anyone else feel this way?

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