Hard to work with
Comments
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If it would help to talk with someone about your cancer experience, I would highly recommend the Cancer Hope Network (www.cancerhopenetwork.org). They will put you in touch, via phone, with a woman who has had the same / similar diagnosis and treatment. Just this evening I spoke with a woman for the second time who the Network put me in touch with last year. We are both still doing well.0
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Probably about 3 times my boss called me in last year during the surgery recovery, chemo and more surgery recovery because I was driving my co workers crazy. It seems I was answering questions for everyone, across rooms and even when it was in NO way directed at me. I just jumped in to any conversation and began to take control. A therapist told me when one area of your life is out of control then you tend to go get control anywhere you can to make up for it. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather- I was so embarrassed as well but I cried and then, came back holding my head high and worked on the issue. As you now know it didn't last and there I was again, crying in my bosses office and really so humiliated. But, as we know we can do -pick myself up and go get help and then, the next time all she had to say was it's happenning again and I knew. It is now over 1 year post surgry and life is MUCH better. Plus, Effexor does help with the moodiness and hot flashes from chemo and Tamoxifen. First, give yourself a break you can't make someone quit-they choose that. Secondly, give yourself a break- you had cancer!, so you werent't a people person -it's cancer! Just finally remember, if someone offends you or seems out of sorts to you - you don't wear a black robe or carry a gavel so don't judge. Empathise because you never know what is affecting their life. Just remember- this too will pass. I know there are times The Hope Chests or a group session would help me feel like I wasn't alone or helping me realize I was feeling just like someone else. Keep up the fight and hang in there- I will keep you and your coworkers in my prayers. CWatercolor said:If it would help to talk with someone about your cancer experience, I would highly recommend the Cancer Hope Network (www.cancerhopenetwork.org). They will put you in touch, via phone, with a woman who has had the same / similar diagnosis and treatment. Just this evening I spoke with a woman for the second time who the Network put me in touch with last year. We are both still doing well.
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Your coworker was speaking for a lot of people - how can you be sure she was just not throwing that out about others to cover herself and what she wanted to tell you. Remember the kids who tell Mom - everybody else is allowed to, etc. You could have a talk with your boss privately reiterating what a co-worker ( do not name unless necessary) has said to you. Above all else do not quit your job for her satisfaction - she sounds like someone who will 'get hers once day'.
If you can find a good therapist (psychiatrist preferably so she/he can prescribe meds) you will proably find it a big help. It is great to pay someone to listen - no guilt feelings about yakking on and on - LOL!
Many of us here will be praying and hoping for you to feel better. but do not put too much stock in one person's dumping on you.
Hugs, Jean0 -
Hi Mosis:
Well, you have had a rough week! I'm glad that you came here to share how you're feeling.
This will be a bit long, but trying to respond to where you are just now, at least for me, cannot be done in a few simple sentences. It's a very complex part of our overall recovery. One which all too often, our medical doctor's don't address well.
First: Consider the source. Who IS this person who unloaded on you in such a rude/negative fashion? Perhaps she has some issues of her own to work though and instead of taking that positive step and looking within herself for answers, she chose to turn it outward on you?
Second: You know yourself better than anyone else. Think about how you are at work. Strip yourself of any thoughts about wanting to blame other's, your need for understanding, etc.. Just you, getting open with yourself. Review your attitude and actions at work. Have you been "horrible"? Likely not. Try to get over the hurt and upset your co-worker's outburst has caused you and analyze the situation as objectively as possible. Think about what you conclude. Remember that the world is not sympathetic to us just because we've had cancer. Often people cannot be empathetic because they have no idea what it's like and we cannot blame them for their ignorance...rather be happy for them that they have not had to go where we've been. Coworkers are not always friends and often times simply may not care and so we're wise to keep these facts in mind. If someone is a friend, at work, and is caring and concerned, fine, but don't expect any special understanding across the board. With your boss, of course, you've a right to expect considerations on any limitations your doc may advise, etc. but not from coworker's. Also, it really shouldn't be your coworker's business as to what's been going on with you, how you're doing, your prognosis or anything else really. Unless you choose to tell coworker's, it should remain confidential information.
Third: If this person wants to change employers or whatever, then that is her choice. How is this your responsibility?
Fourth and most importantly: How do YOU feel about yourself? Are you as assertive and confident as you want/need to be, in general? What are your favorite things to do and who are your favorite people to spend time with? Are these times rewarding and do they bring you joy?
Do you feel that your having HAD cancer overshadows everything in you life and relationships? If so, then you probably need to seek help. I'd suggest a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker because I don't believe that major drugs (or a psychiatrist who can prescribe them) to always be the best answer. Reason being that you said that you'd been "hiding" your fears. Don't try to hide them. Acknowledge them, feel them and see them for what they are and then begin to move beyond them. My thoughts are that if we are drugged, with resulting fuzzy emotions, then we still aren't facing the real issues. (all drugs have side effects as well) Merely masking them. We deserve better than that when trying to deal with our fear issues after cancer. I think drugs have their place and I believe in antidepressants to help us on our road to emotional recovery, but only as a short term "helper" if we really can't function while we work on recovering. We need to talk it out, think it out, work it out and find our best perspective. A healthy perspective. Can we find that if our emotions are altered by drugs? I've seen too many women become dependent upon drugs, post cancer, and it's something which can, in many cases, be avoided. My advice it to try different approaches to find what works best for you. A psychologist or LCSW, who is a good match for you, can be a tremendous help. Also,
having a good friend who cares and is a great listener, with whom you can share your progess, thoughts and feelings along the road to recovery is a bonus.
My thoughts are this: We've been to the mountain and when our treatment is over, we're left to pick up the pieces and try to find our joy and peace. We've all dealt with so much, so why let fear consume us and rob us of all that's good and wonderful in our lives? Treatment ends and I think the subsequent fight to regain balance is equally as challenging as our treatment phase. And it isn't easy. Yet, hiding from it and hiding it from other's does us no favors. It's still there, festering and growing and taking more and more away from us, day after day. If we can find a way to say, ENOUGH, to the fear and start fighting IT, then we can get on the road to greater peace and fulfillment. We owe this to ourselves, and to those we love.
It's a process and takes time but I know you CAN
do it. We don't have to live in terrible fear.
I traveled my own bumpy road to peace. Ultimately, I decided that I was not going to live the rest of my life, however long or short, as a slave to fear of recurrence/met. I was not going to become a woman who had cancer and couldn't get past it. I was not going to allow fear to reduce the whole of my life into little more than my cancer experience. We're all SO much more. For those of us who have remained healthy, we need to think about how grateful we are to BE alive and healthy. I arrived at the conclusion that if I should ever experience a return of cancer, then I would deal with it when and if that time ever came. I won't waste my time hamstrung by chronic fear, merely existing and going through the motions. I wanted peace and I intended to find it, after treatment. The trauma which comes with a cancer dx is quite enough and I was determined not to allow fear to add insult to injury.
While we're healing and becoming stronger, we need to be patient with ourselves and pamper ourselves in our own way, to make our daily path more comfortable and less stress prone.
All we can actively do is take excellent care of our bodies, with regular exercise, good diet, supplements, plenty of rest, doing things we enjoy which are relaxing and fun, spend our time with the people we love/enjoy most and make our lives what we WANT it to be. These are the things we CAN control. What the future may or may not bring is a question which cannot be answered by anyone. Living in the now, with thought to some goals and dreams is all there is. No one can say, yes, I will be here 30 years from now, 30 days from now or even 30 minutes from now. Only that I'm here NOW and now is the time to get busy living my best life, filling it with love, joy and peace, with a few dreams and plans for the future as well. That's how I choose to live my life.
I am 3 years out from dx but miles out from the fear. You WILL BE too. Hope should never be limited to surviving this disease. Hope is and must be our rock...that we will "thrive" in the aftermath of cancer. Knowing that we CAN prevail. We CAN find joy again and have peace in our lives. If you can come to see fear as the enemy, then you can come to fight it like the theif that it is and put it down. With some counseling, coming to value the quality of your life as something you're willing to fight for, some good friends/family with you and faith in yourself, you can do it! Most of us here have been where you are and we know how it feels and we're here to support you and try to help you find your answers to emotional health and well being. I hope some of my thoughts and personal experiences may be helpful to you.
Please let us know how you're doing and as much as we shouldn't judge, we also shouldn't place too much emphasis on the opinions of other's, (with no valid vested interest in us) who presume to judge us in a mean spirited way, as your coworker has done. So, get that chin up, dust yourself off and CHARGE! Your quality of life demands it.
Love, light and laughter,
Ink0 -
well said INK! I agree with the part about not having been there it is hard for others to comprehend. It probably never crossed our minds either before CANCER hit us. Everyone has something going on in their lives. We never know who we might affend because of their problem. Hang in there, if your co-worker quits, it is her choice not your fault. Maybe she runs from issues rather than face them head on. You've faced yours, you are not a runner! So head high, talk to the Boss, accept CONSTRUCTIVE critism with an open mind and change what you can to contribute positively to your environment. Take responsibility only for YOU that's all you can do! Good Luck, let us know how it all turns out, we care,HUGS,inkblot said:Hi Mosis:
Well, you have had a rough week! I'm glad that you came here to share how you're feeling.
This will be a bit long, but trying to respond to where you are just now, at least for me, cannot be done in a few simple sentences. It's a very complex part of our overall recovery. One which all too often, our medical doctor's don't address well.
First: Consider the source. Who IS this person who unloaded on you in such a rude/negative fashion? Perhaps she has some issues of her own to work though and instead of taking that positive step and looking within herself for answers, she chose to turn it outward on you?
Second: You know yourself better than anyone else. Think about how you are at work. Strip yourself of any thoughts about wanting to blame other's, your need for understanding, etc.. Just you, getting open with yourself. Review your attitude and actions at work. Have you been "horrible"? Likely not. Try to get over the hurt and upset your co-worker's outburst has caused you and analyze the situation as objectively as possible. Think about what you conclude. Remember that the world is not sympathetic to us just because we've had cancer. Often people cannot be empathetic because they have no idea what it's like and we cannot blame them for their ignorance...rather be happy for them that they have not had to go where we've been. Coworkers are not always friends and often times simply may not care and so we're wise to keep these facts in mind. If someone is a friend, at work, and is caring and concerned, fine, but don't expect any special understanding across the board. With your boss, of course, you've a right to expect considerations on any limitations your doc may advise, etc. but not from coworker's. Also, it really shouldn't be your coworker's business as to what's been going on with you, how you're doing, your prognosis or anything else really. Unless you choose to tell coworker's, it should remain confidential information.
Third: If this person wants to change employers or whatever, then that is her choice. How is this your responsibility?
Fourth and most importantly: How do YOU feel about yourself? Are you as assertive and confident as you want/need to be, in general? What are your favorite things to do and who are your favorite people to spend time with? Are these times rewarding and do they bring you joy?
Do you feel that your having HAD cancer overshadows everything in you life and relationships? If so, then you probably need to seek help. I'd suggest a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker because I don't believe that major drugs (or a psychiatrist who can prescribe them) to always be the best answer. Reason being that you said that you'd been "hiding" your fears. Don't try to hide them. Acknowledge them, feel them and see them for what they are and then begin to move beyond them. My thoughts are that if we are drugged, with resulting fuzzy emotions, then we still aren't facing the real issues. (all drugs have side effects as well) Merely masking them. We deserve better than that when trying to deal with our fear issues after cancer. I think drugs have their place and I believe in antidepressants to help us on our road to emotional recovery, but only as a short term "helper" if we really can't function while we work on recovering. We need to talk it out, think it out, work it out and find our best perspective. A healthy perspective. Can we find that if our emotions are altered by drugs? I've seen too many women become dependent upon drugs, post cancer, and it's something which can, in many cases, be avoided. My advice it to try different approaches to find what works best for you. A psychologist or LCSW, who is a good match for you, can be a tremendous help. Also,
having a good friend who cares and is a great listener, with whom you can share your progess, thoughts and feelings along the road to recovery is a bonus.
My thoughts are this: We've been to the mountain and when our treatment is over, we're left to pick up the pieces and try to find our joy and peace. We've all dealt with so much, so why let fear consume us and rob us of all that's good and wonderful in our lives? Treatment ends and I think the subsequent fight to regain balance is equally as challenging as our treatment phase. And it isn't easy. Yet, hiding from it and hiding it from other's does us no favors. It's still there, festering and growing and taking more and more away from us, day after day. If we can find a way to say, ENOUGH, to the fear and start fighting IT, then we can get on the road to greater peace and fulfillment. We owe this to ourselves, and to those we love.
It's a process and takes time but I know you CAN
do it. We don't have to live in terrible fear.
I traveled my own bumpy road to peace. Ultimately, I decided that I was not going to live the rest of my life, however long or short, as a slave to fear of recurrence/met. I was not going to become a woman who had cancer and couldn't get past it. I was not going to allow fear to reduce the whole of my life into little more than my cancer experience. We're all SO much more. For those of us who have remained healthy, we need to think about how grateful we are to BE alive and healthy. I arrived at the conclusion that if I should ever experience a return of cancer, then I would deal with it when and if that time ever came. I won't waste my time hamstrung by chronic fear, merely existing and going through the motions. I wanted peace and I intended to find it, after treatment. The trauma which comes with a cancer dx is quite enough and I was determined not to allow fear to add insult to injury.
While we're healing and becoming stronger, we need to be patient with ourselves and pamper ourselves in our own way, to make our daily path more comfortable and less stress prone.
All we can actively do is take excellent care of our bodies, with regular exercise, good diet, supplements, plenty of rest, doing things we enjoy which are relaxing and fun, spend our time with the people we love/enjoy most and make our lives what we WANT it to be. These are the things we CAN control. What the future may or may not bring is a question which cannot be answered by anyone. Living in the now, with thought to some goals and dreams is all there is. No one can say, yes, I will be here 30 years from now, 30 days from now or even 30 minutes from now. Only that I'm here NOW and now is the time to get busy living my best life, filling it with love, joy and peace, with a few dreams and plans for the future as well. That's how I choose to live my life.
I am 3 years out from dx but miles out from the fear. You WILL BE too. Hope should never be limited to surviving this disease. Hope is and must be our rock...that we will "thrive" in the aftermath of cancer. Knowing that we CAN prevail. We CAN find joy again and have peace in our lives. If you can come to see fear as the enemy, then you can come to fight it like the theif that it is and put it down. With some counseling, coming to value the quality of your life as something you're willing to fight for, some good friends/family with you and faith in yourself, you can do it! Most of us here have been where you are and we know how it feels and we're here to support you and try to help you find your answers to emotional health and well being. I hope some of my thoughts and personal experiences may be helpful to you.
Please let us know how you're doing and as much as we shouldn't judge, we also shouldn't place too much emphasis on the opinions of other's, (with no valid vested interest in us) who presume to judge us in a mean spirited way, as your coworker has done. So, get that chin up, dust yourself off and CHARGE! Your quality of life demands it.
Love, light and laughter,
Ink
Lynne0 -
I found a product that I think everyone should take, and I take it too. It's called THE GREATEST VITAMIN IN THE WORLD. I have a website that you can go to to find out some very interesting stuff about cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, indigestion, weight loss, and why it is proven to be the best in the world. It is made from whole foods, and is the most complete, highest grade, and most absorbable vitamins, minerals(amino acid chelated), enzymes, and probiotics known on the planet ALL IN ONE CHEAP BOTTLE!! It has everything you need to nutritionally support your entire body and it's all for $40 bucks. Some of the ingredients cost more than that for a single ingredient, not to mention that most of what you buy in the store can actually cause cancer, heart disease, and more. Just read the label, if it doesn't say words like carrots, wild yams, and other vegetable words that you know, then they are synthetic and they could be hurting you, and even if they're not they not doing you much good either. Please for you and everyone you know, share this website- it's www.dontforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/wiley154270
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Enough already with plugging your product. Haven't you ever heard of overkill?AuthorUnknown said:I found a product that I think everyone should take, and I take it too. It's called THE GREATEST VITAMIN IN THE WORLD. I have a website that you can go to to find out some very interesting stuff about cancer, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, indigestion, weight loss, and why it is proven to be the best in the world. It is made from whole foods, and is the most complete, highest grade, and most absorbable vitamins, minerals(amino acid chelated), enzymes, and probiotics known on the planet ALL IN ONE CHEAP BOTTLE!! It has everything you need to nutritionally support your entire body and it's all for $40 bucks. Some of the ingredients cost more than that for a single ingredient, not to mention that most of what you buy in the store can actually cause cancer, heart disease, and more. Just read the label, if it doesn't say words like carrots, wild yams, and other vegetable words that you know, then they are synthetic and they could be hurting you, and even if they're not they not doing you much good either. Please for you and everyone you know, share this website- it's www.dontforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/wiley15427
Janet0 -
I agree with everyone who has posted here. I just wanted to add that in my experience, I have had others continuously ask me about my cancer and treatments and how I am handling everything even when I didn't feel like talking about it. There are alot of days when I don't want to be known as a cancer patient but unfortunatley once you have it, that is all someone can see about you. And then it is their problem, not yours.
Also, what someone else thinks about you is not always the truth. I have had a previous employer who told me that I was "mean, spiteful and pure evil". And yet when I tell people now what he said to me, they laugh and can't believe he was saying it to me. I am a pretty laid back and personable person. My point is that your coworker could very well be the one with the problem.
Just my thoughts on the subject. I wouldn't worry about it unless your boss says something. But also keep in mind that God has a plan for you and if there is a better place for you to be working in, then this may be a wakeup call for you to find a better work environment.
Hopes this helps a little.
Patty0
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