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My mom died, just want to talk



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mymomsdaughter

				          
            Posts: 5

          
          
            Joined: Mar 2004

          
        					
				
		
									

        			    March 4, 2004 - 10:50am			  			

			
			
Hi, I didn't see any new messages.  My mom passed away from ovarian cancer in October of 2003.  It's been four months, and I'm still having a hard time - I lost my best friend.  I am married with four children, and uprooted my family after my mother's death to move in with my dad to take care of him.  Other than my dad, I was my mom's primary care giver during her illness.  I just miss her so much.  I see messages from others, who lost their moms years ago, and are still in pain.  Will the hurt ever get any easier?  I hate it that she won't be able to see my children grow.  We would talk every day, even before she got sick, we were just so close.  I lost my best friend, and don't feel like I have anyone to talk to.  My husband tries to be supportive, but both his parants and all of his grandparents are still alive, and he just doesn't understand.  I have brothers, but I was the only girl, and I feel like they have moved on, and I'm just stuck.  I just need someone who understands.


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grannyfranny

				      
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	        Joined: Jan 2004

	      
	    				
		
			
March 8, 2004 - 10:21pm

			
Re: My mom died, just want to talk
			
I'm so sorry about your great loss.  What a wonderful relationship you and your mother had!  My mother and I loved each other, but we weren't that close - mostly my fault, I fear.  She lived to be 75 and died 9 years ago after a long struggle with lupus.  Since then, there keep being things that I'd like to share with her and can't.  That hurts.  I told a friend that I wished so much I could talk with her again.  He said, "Why can't you?  Go ahead.  Talk to her, or write her letters."  So sometimes I do.  It isn't a total solution, but it does help a bit.



			
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gracecat

				      
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	        Joined: Mar 2004

	      
	    				
		
			
March 9, 2004 - 3:27pm

			
Re: My mom died, just want to talk
			
Hi, my Mom died of breast cancer on August 7, 2003.  Mom and I were best friends like you and your Mom.  We would talk every day and were extremely close.  I'm an only child, which I imagine is somewhat close to being the only daughter.  I was her primary caregiver over the past 5 years.  I miss my Mom so much that it's unbearable at times - physically painful.  People are always telling me that it'll get easier and that she's in a better place (which goes right through me) but I just can't imagine that I'll ever miss her any less or that this hurt will ever subside.  Sometimes I feel like I'm driving my boyfriend and my friends nuts talking about her, but I can't help myself.  My boyfriend has been wonderful through everything, but I know what you mean - until you experience this kind of loss, you have no clue how it feels.  I feel like my anchor has been set loose and I'm just floating out there.  



			
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mikebur

				      
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	        Joined: Feb 2004

	      
	    				
		
			
March 13, 2004 - 3:01am

			
Re: My mom died, just want to talk
			
I am sorry for all of your losses.  My dad died in 1989 and my mom died in 2000 and yes, it does hurt and we miss them all.  Time has helped me grieve and talking about them has also helped me grieve.  The other suggestion about writing letters also helps.  It helps to get everything out - do not keep it in.  Call the American Cancer Society in your area and see if they have group and/or individual counseling that you can go to.  It helps to talk about it and that is why this message board is so good.  I know my mom and dad are in a better place and they are not old anymore and are not in pain anymore.  I am happy for them and I know they want me to be happy.  I have a strong faith and I know God is helping me through this process.  I had prostate cancer surgery on 7/25/03 and I am in recovery with that but as I reach out to others - it helps me in my grief and recovery.  It's okay to miss them and to feel sad - that's part of the recovery process.  Just keep talking about it and letting it out.  God bless you.  Mike



			
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jhope

				      
	        Posts: 58

	      
	      
	        Joined: Mar 2004

	      
	    				
		
			
March 28, 2004 - 11:21pm

			
Re: My mom died, just want to talk
			
What a beautiful heart you all have. My name is Julia, I'm 39 with kids 19 & 23. Their dad passed away Dec 2002, and I was diagnosed with stage IIb (75% surviaval) April of 2003. I am 3 months from surgerys, chemo, radiation. At times I thought God could not be so cruel as to take both parents from my kids.  I truely believe in Christ and am not afraid to die.  I worrry, lie awake at nite, and cry as I write this with worry for my kids and husband. Who will take care of them, pray for them, talk to them every day like I do.  I want you all to know to stay strong and you are and can be a great comfort to those of us who this is our greatest worry. Perhaps I will survive and can adopt you via internet to talk, and you can help me? I will email you mymothersdaughter, you can reply or not if you are not comfortable, Julia



			
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Jessalyn

				      
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March 30, 2004 - 5:44pm

			
Re: My mom died, just want to talk
			
Hi...I read your message and it really touched me. My mom died in August of '03 from bile duct cancer. I'm not the only girl, but I am the oldest girl and the only child who isn't married. All of my siblings are, and sometimes I just feel like they don't get it. At least Mom got to meet their spouses, and at least they have someone to lean on so they don't have to grieve alone. And I can't imagine having children now...I can't imagine my children not getting to know her. It makes me so angry and feel so helpless...just like I felt when she was dying. I also moved back in with my father after her death, and its hard. I go through some days blocking out all thoughts of her because it just hurts too much...and some days I just can't stop thinking about her and feeling the "what if" guilt. Those days (like today) make it feel like she died only yesterday. The sound of the gurney carrying her out still echoes and I don't know when or how that sound will get out of my head or my heart. I know I'm not being very positive, but I guess maybe I just wanted you to know that someone else knows that same pain. Some days are better than others, and I guess the bad ones do seem to get farther apart after a while. Please let me know how you are doing...I'll be praying for you.



			
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