Mar 03, 2004 - 9:49 am
I will NEVER, EVER complain about my life being boring! When I live through this, I want to have the calmest, most predictable and dull life know to man...
Went to see my doc yesterday to make sure that all signals were a go for my chemo on Thursday. I was due to start last Tuesday but had to be hospitalized for three days for side effects and treatment got pushed back a week. So, a CEA was done and I'm up to 3.6 from 2.0. Now, I know that this is a slight elevation and CEA is not a reliable indicator, ect. But I'm panicked. My CEA has gone from 1.7 to 1.8 to 1.9 to 2.0 and now 3.6. The absolute numbers are low but the trend is disturbing me. When they discovered the mets. back in September my CEA had gone from 0.8 to 1.7 to 2.4. I told my onc that I was concerned and of course he brushed me off saying the "values were in normal range" but, low and behold, mets. were discovered when the CT was done. I'm pretty much freaking out but desperately trying to stay calm. The doctor's freaked too. He wants me to have a CT done NOW. I just get so tired of the rollercoaster sometimes. In January, he told me my next CT could be done in April after finals. And I felt great... I don't mind doing the chemo. It's just these assessments I can't stand - they completely disrupt my life. I planned my life till April (because that's when the CT was supposed to be) and now I got to do one A.S.A.P.. I just get so scared. I have only been on this protocol for 5 months... Can it be failing me all ready?
Thanks for letting me get it all out. I'm staying brave for my family, friends and academic career (I have an exam tomorrow so I'm studying) but had to vent.
Have a wonderful day everyone,