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Thoughts on the future

Watercolor's picture
Watercolor
Posts: 46
Joined: Feb 2004

I'm a survivor. (I never thought I'd have cancer.) I didn't have much to survive. DCIS. Lumpectomy with good enough margins. Thirty-three radiation treatments. (The last was one year ago today.) Very little side effects from radiation. I've been on Tamoxifen for the first of five years. No problems with with it.

I know my prognosis is excellent. I am not worried about recurrence from it. (Radiation oncologist said as much.) But now cancer has touched me. Before diagnosis -- it's not that you don't think it can, it's just that you don't think about it at all. (No cancer in my family.) Now I know it can touch me. A totally unrelated cancer is possible. Essentially it's no more likely to than pre-diagnosis and treatment, but now I am aware it can happen to me.

Anyone else who didn't have much to deal with regarding cancer and no true big worries about the future -- and yet...?

rob6
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2003

cancer hits many people with no family history and the highest is B\C. i had a 2nd cousin die from BC and thats it so i could not believe it either. but my experience with treatment was a nightmare. So consider yourself blessed..i only live day by day hugs to you

denolan
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2004

i also survived, stage IV Hodgkins. ABVD and radiation with normal side effects at age 50. depression came from lost of future. everytime someone said, next year we'll do....... i didn't have next year. taking away my future affected me more than anything. no christmas with the grandkids, no nothing. i live differently now. today is important.

BionicKitty's picture
BionicKitty
Posts: 15
Joined: Mar 2004

I've always had a great life, Never any major health problems, family was nice, career ok. Could have used a few more vacations though!
I watched my half sister die of cancer ten years ago, but I didn't think it would hapen to me or any one else in my family, because it was a fluke of some kind, not a heredity thing.I never paid much attention to cancer commercials on tv, I felt bad for people I knew that suffered from it, but I was never included in the inner circle, because it wasn't directly in my face, it was other peoples tradgedies.It made me uncomfortable. It was too mortal.
But now my my mom has a brain tumor, and probably widespread cancer as well. We just found out last week... She thought she had Trigeminal Neuralgia, or a sinus infection!I am now finding myself sitting on the edge of a very tall cliff, dangling my legs over the side, trying to get the nerve to look down at the future, but totally afraid of the heights of the reality I am facing with her.All of a sudden I am hearing every tv commercial, reading every article,running into people everywhere that have fought cancer at some time or another. It is so surreal,so unreal, yet each day it becomes more and more clarified. If I do my normal day, I can almost believe it isn't happening, until I see the look on my mom's face when I pick her up for a checkup. It is all so new, we are both clinging to each other as we always have. She is my best friend, and my mother. I want to fix this, but I can only be swept along with the cuurent that is called modern medicine, and hope it works out.I guess Cancer is touching me too, and it won't let go. I am glad I can write epic novels on my emotional state, but if you don't get it out of your head , it will only fester inside, and leave you with a broken heart.
BK

jquick's picture
jquick
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2005

Most of us cancer survivors had that moment when we realized--"I could die!"--so of course our lives are changed forever. You realize that life is precious, and it isn't fair, and you shouldn't really expect it to be. Life is going to throw you some curveballs...but you can choose your attitude in any given situation, and in controlling your future. That could mean drinking carrot juice three times a day, but it could also mean enjoying that slice of pepperoni pizza. It might mean investing the time and money in setting up your children's college fund this month, but it might also mean taking 10 minutes to call or write to your parents and tell them how much you appreciate them. It means you could focus on how much cancer has disrupted your life, scarred your body and bruised your bank account...OR...you can appreciate your new perspective on life and relationships while enjoying what each day offers.

I survived testicular cancer nearly four years ago and am just now feeling the need to discuss my anxieties about fleeting time, future love, my purpose in life, the need to indulge. We all need to deal with these things at our own pace...and it's good to know that there are people (such as in this forum) to listen and help.

JQ

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