Cancer Survivors Network

Hi, my name is Dawn, I had Hodgkins lymphoma, three times, and a Bone Marrow Transplant in 93. Since then I have gone into the medical field as a Respiratory Therapist. I work in ICU's and see people die a lot, it bothers me most when I know it's of cancer, especially Hodgkins. On the unit where I got my transplant, all the other patients I met and had as friends, none of them are living now, they all died, and I am still here. Tonight I had a 22 year old patient who died. I can go most days ok now, being 10 years out, but things like this well, they get to me. It is very hard for me to work the unit where I was treated, because it is so hard to see someone die of what I lived through. And, everyone says I lived for a reason, what reason? because I had children, my patient tonight had a child, why couldn't she have lived? What makes me so special? I am sorry, just realized this was a sight for Adult survivors of childhood cancers. Well at least you know you are not alone in feeling guilty.

Your not alone at all. I also question the reasoning behind my suvival. I had lost a friend who had the same cancer as me.She had 2 kids and a husband. At the time I was 22, (this was 10 years ago)still in college and partying everyday. That didn't make sense to me. How me, the party girl was chosen over this wonderful loving mother. This really bothered me. But I look at it this way, Who knows what helped me in beating this cancer. I would love to contribute this to my doctor, and that I was very positive with a lot of hope. But realistically that doesnt make sense because other people who were in the same situation as me didn't make it,and they were just as positive as me and had the same kind of treatment as me. It's not fair in any which way. I think of it this way. Some of us will die by cancer and some of us will die of any other hundreds of diseases or accidents. We had a chance to share our stories and successes with others and pass on our wisdom. I still sometimes get bummed, but it wasn't our time to go and we need to make the most of our lives while we are still here, and live each day to the fullest, and remember those who aren't here.

I've been free of cancer 28 years, thankfully, and yes early on I had moments of "why did I survive and not the others". At first, I used to speak with children who had what the form of cancer I had, and it was hard to see them not make it and just the look their parents eyes had was enough for me not to want to talk about it, so I went many years not talking about it to anyone except a study that I'm involved with and now with the CSN and of course my family and firends. I'm not embarrased that I survived, and all of us survivors should come out more and speak up about that not everyone dies from Cancer. I personally see that there is a reason why I'm here, and I thank God every day for giving me the chance to be here. Remember the saying "One day at a time"!

Hi. I definitely know how you feel. I had cancer when I was about 3 (I am 19 now). While receiving treatment I became friends with a girl who was about a year older than me. We had different types of cancer, but we were both going through Chemo. at the same time. She ended up not making it, and I have always felt guilty or wondered why I made it and she didn't. I can definitely relate to you. I guess my way of dealing with that is by trying to prove everyday that I survived for a reason by actively and aggressively pursuing a college education as well as volunteering and working at the American Cancer Society.

I know how you feel. I am a two time childhood ALL Leukemia survivor now in remission for 10 years at the age 22. I only remember bits and pieces of those times and people. Some of the kids I met I know have died others I just wonder. Sorry for the rambling. Yes I do understand.

Ken
Shadow2137@hotmail.com

I'm Darryll and I live in California. I was diagnosed with synovial cell sarcoma of the left thigh at 15 years old and now am 35. This was a rare cancer dianosis at the time. I had a lot of emotional and relation problems when I was growing up but now married. I have worked hard to beat my cancer and my other problems and am doing well. I became a Paramedic and now am a police officer. I recently found out my cousin died of stomach cancer. I had also experienced being a survivor in the hospiatl where other s have died. I hope you beat all of your problems. good luck!!

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