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A Theological Question

aspaysia's picture
aspaysia
Posts: 257
Joined: Nov 2003

Sandra asked how we live with the fact that our cancer can rear its ugly little head again anytime it wants. In my case that is a distinct possibility as I have already had a recurrence. Some like to use the Las Vegas theory of playing the odds. If you are on the right side of the equation survival time increases. Others invoke religion believing that God will give them strength to bear anything life tosses their way.

I was told a. there is no cure for cancer and b. that I will never be normal again. Well, duh! Life is incurable--only livable. I never was normal and I feel the same as I always did. Yup, same ole me in spite of all the surgery and all the treatments that were almost worse than the disease they were meant to cure.

At my lowest ebb the family was keeping a vigil expecting the Grim Reaper to join the party at any moment. Asked if I wanted a priest, I thought of Voltaire on his deathbed. He refused to renounce Satan.'Now is not the time to be making new enemies.' No foxhole conversion for me either. I don't want to sound like a godless heathen but the priest never came to say the words and I am still here. For now.

Whatever helps one cope with a wicked curve like cancer and the threat of a return engagement is to be employed. God. Chocolate. Medical science. I like to keep my own counsel on these matters and worry more about my loved ones and what they are going through. I would give anything to spare them the agony of watching over me as I endure my fate. I know how crazed it makes me to see any one of them suffer. Actually, they are being pretty darn brave about the whole thing.
No crying in my presence, etc...

'Where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on,
I can't go on, I'll go on. Samuel Beckett from The Unnamable

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Heavy thougts, and ones that I ponder. Like you, I am not part. religious, unlike some of my family members; they derive a lot of strength from their beliefs.
I have worked in a nursing home for the past five years, with residents with dementia. We see there that there can be worse things than dying. My own dad had 2 good years after his initial surgery, than recurrance in bowel and mets to lung and liver. His grace under fire was impressive, and I gained a whole new appreciation for his strength. He would tell me to stop with the waterworks as I wept freely, and remind me that we all die of something, he just knows more clearly of what and when!
I have found it so helpful to have this site with others who are grappling with the same questions; I continue to be impressed with the inner resources we all draw on to cope. ?Henry Ford said something like "If you think you can or you think you can't, you are right."
Thinking of you, Judy

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Asp & Judy -

Great thoughts. Judy, your dad was absolutely right - we're all "terminal" and I believe that's why we should show as much kindness to others aswe can every day (no matter how difficult that may be!)

Thanks for sharing your words and thoughts.

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

I have a sign above the door to my office: "Be kind,
for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.."
It keeps me humble.
bud

Mich28
Posts: 9
Joined: Feb 2004

I kinda laughed when I read this. You sound like my dad.He says we are all dying,from the day you are born you start die.I know that sounds morbid but if you really think about it its true.Like they always say,there only two things certian in this life and they are death and taxes.Since my cancer was found in 2002 My family has really changed to.When I had my surgery, my sister was convinced I was going to die well Im still here and Kickin to and not planning on going anytime soon.Is it normal to feel this way I say sure,cuz as far as I'm concerned what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger.Well I Hope thats true cuz I've been through a lot the past year and a half...

QUEENFISH
Posts: 12
Joined: Feb 2004

when I found out I had cancer, I had about 10 seconds of feeling the doom and gloom. Then I decided I had to pick myself up by the boot strap and fight this thing with everything I had. And I have and am continuing to do that. I am getting stronger and better with each day. I happily have given up a year and a half of my life in order to live another 40. And, for me, I couldn't have done that without God. I am glad for all of the survivors here and am thankfull that you are continuing to fight this terrible disease. Hopefully, we will have a cure someday and no one else will have to go through it. I am thankful for the recovery I have had and look forward to helping others who will have to go through this in the future.

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