CSN Login
Members Online: 16

Am I nuts??

hoosier_kitten
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2003

Hello again all, good to see you.

All is going super terrific here, just 6 more chemo treatments to go. I've been blessed to get through it so well. Fatigue is the only problem, ( not really a problem when I hear so many horror stories).
Anyway, as the treatments wind down, I'm getting scared to stop them, afraid the cancer will come back. Anyone else go through this? Am I insane? Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Rita

Lisa Rose's picture
Lisa Rose
Posts: 589
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Rita,

NO YOU ARE NOT NUTS!!!!

I think we all feel the sameway when we finish treatment. However with each passing day and each positive check up you slowly move forward. Life will return to normal!! You will never forget that you had cancer but in time it sits on the back burner and you move on.

Have A Great Day,
Lisa

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1246
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Rita!

Perfectly normal to feel that way. But just think of how better you'll feel with each passing scan or test to reveal that you're on your way to recovery! I don't think any of us ever really feel "out of the woods"...but it's a good feeling with each day the further you get from your diagnosis date!

Best of everything to you!

Stacy

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

Since being told of my cancer, and then having my plumbing rearranged, and chemo, radiation, recurrence, I look at life somewhat different..God keeps extending my lease, and it is revocable, therefore each time I get up in the morning and blow steam on the mirror, I thank him, and get on with the business of that day..for your consideration, my favorite 2- line poem by Robert Frost:
"We Dance 'round the circle and suppose,
While the secret sits in the middle and knows.."

Bud

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Rita -

Yup - not only are you not nuts, I'm afraid you are amazingly normal (at least as far as a semi-colon can be)...

Something else you'll probably experience; everytime you get a hangnail, a cough, a stomach ache, or a stubbed toe, there will be a little voice in the back of your head saying "is it back?"

I love Nanuk's Robert Frost. My own version is:

When in danger, when in doubt; run in circles, scream and shout.

STAY well!

- SpongBob

hoosier_kitten
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2003

Thank you all. The poems should be embroidered on a pillow for me!

Rita

bryancarson's picture
bryancarson
Posts: 47
Joined: Jan 2004

Actually, I think you are nuts. Not really. I was just so tired, literally, and tired of being sick and having the squirts that I was ready to be done -- FOREVER. I'm really not that scared or a reoccurance. I have changed my diet, and lifestyle, and because of the strict regimen from my doctor, I have peace of mind with every check-up. Colon Cancer is SOOOO preventable. If you end up with another polyp during a colonoscopy, they simply remove it, usually, they don't even have you do chemo unless you are at stage 3 or higher, which wouldn't happen with a small polyp caught early. I do have dreams however that at my check-ups that the doctor has me take a dose of chemo just as a precautionary measure. Invariably, I wake up angry, afraid, and frustrated that my DR. didn't tell me this was part of the protocol. I am happy that you only have a few treatements left. Be sure to ask your Dr. to prescribe a CT before they declare your treatment over. My Dr. did and I didn't want to do it, but it really confirmed to me that the cancer had not spread and that it was GONE from my colon. That gave me more peace of mind than anything else.

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

You are VERY normal to feel as you do. I completed my 6 months of chemo last July and I was so scared to stop, fearful that if I stopped the cancer would reappear. So far, I have been cancer free - however I did have a lot of anxieties about having my medi-port removed, but my doctor encouraged me to do so. I am feeling great now. I have not weaned myself off of my doctors yet. I go every month for blood tests, I had a colonoscopy in October and I go to my internist every three months, but I have a great group of doctors that have been very supportive of me and my fears of separation. I am getting on with my life and trying to put the cancer fear on the back burner. I read in another message that any pain or "different" feeling in the body sends fear - well it certainly does - my advice is to find a doctor who is sympathetic to your emotional needs as well as physical. My internist is a colon cancer survivor and he is wonderful support. I wish you all the luck and a healthy long life. Live it fully everyday. Kerry

efw
Posts: 20
Joined: Jul 2003

Kerry,
I'm surprised your doctor had your port removed so soon. I finished chemo last August, and my oncologist wants me to keep my port for several years due to the high chance of recurrence/metastasis. I am assuming that since you had 6 mos. of chemo that you were at least Stage III, or am I wrong? I'd love to get rid of the port -- it really kind of creeps me out every time I see it. I've been feeling fine, too, but I did have a lot of lymph node involvement, so I suppose that's why I'm still stuck with the port.

bug

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi bug,

I was diagnosed a Dukes C1 - I had 2 nodes that tested positive and 6 months of chemo which consisted of 5FU, Leucovorin and Camptosar. I was given the option of taking the Camptosar because it was not considered standard treatment. It was proven in current trials however that Camptosar has reduced recurrance in patients - so I said that it was a "no brainer" of course I would take the Camptosar. If I had to take chemo for 6 months they might as well bring out all the ammo available. I was very sick though and very glad it is over. My husband is too. About the port - 3 of my doctors were in favor of taking out the port. No one disagreed except one of the nurses who said she like to see her patients keep it in for a while. The docs said that keeping it in increases chances of blood clots - so out it came. So far, so good!!

Kerry

Cully
Posts: 8
Joined: Jan 2004

No one from Indiana could be nuts! We might be Insane, but not nuts. What you are feeling is normal for most of us that have been through it. I think what happens is that once you hear the "C" word, you start developing a plan on how to kick it...then when you start nearing the final stages of treatment, you wonder if you got it all, and what do you do next, because up to this point you didn't have too many choices. Like all the others have said, take it one day at a time, and before you know it you'll be planning other stuff besides treatments!

hoosier_kitten
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2003

I'll have to remember the part about being from Indiana and not being nuts, especially when it's 5 below...LOL. Thank you for your reply. Where in Indiana are you located? I'm east central, right slap in the middle between Indy and Cincy.

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Look Stacy & Rita - Another Hoosier!

Do ya think it's something in the water?

hoosier_kitten
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2003

So many great replys, thank you all so much. My last treatment is March 19th, am going to party!

cmcl's picture
cmcl
Posts: 79
Joined: Jan 2004

I just registered on to CSN and couldn't believe it when I saw your question. I have one more treatment and am feeling the same. Will it come back? Will it be somewhere else? I was in StageIV when diagnosed. I'm 39 and had no symptoms. The cancer spread to my ovary. Luckily, I was sent to an OBGYN specialist who operated on me and found it had begun in my colon. I ended up having a hysterectomy. I'm glad I registered, it's already been helpful.
Thanks everybody! Any more advice would be appreciated.
Carolyn

hoosier_kitten
Posts: 39
Joined: Aug 2003

Hiya Carolyn,

Nice to meet you. It sounds as if our situations are quite alike. When I was diagnosed, it wasn't clear if it was colon or ovarian. It was a few days after surgery before they got results. This happened last May.
Most all the posters here are very knowledgeable, if you have any questions, there is always an answer. Sometimes 2 or 3 different ones, but all good ones. Good luck as you finish chemo. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Rita

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1246
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Carolyn!

I was stage 4, no symptoms. I was 33 when I was diagnosed. Lost 40% of my liver as it spread there, too. That was over 2 yrs ago, and today I am fine. E-mail me whenever I can help...

Best of health,

Stacy (the Northwest Indiana connection)

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network