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How Do I Comfort my Freind?

SgtRashid1
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2004

I used to date a freind of mine about 30 years ago. We experienced a real close relationship at the time, very passionate ans careing! We driffted apart when I moved out of town for awhile. We've remained close freinds ever since. She was diagnosed with breast cancer about six (6) years ago and had at least one (1) breast removed.We had started to re-kindle our relationship on a more than platonic basis even after the breast removal. Then she started becomming real distance and started stayin away from me. She became very islolated and would only call evert six (6) months or after I would call. She is now hermit, (I don't mean that negatively). I've tried to reach out to her to assist, picking up prescriptions, shopping for her ect. She still will not let me into her house or to see her physically. I fear she is in her last stages of life and zi need to help and make her as comfortable and have the best quality of life that she deserves. She has family, but they live clear on the other side of state and one sister lives in another state; the problem with them is, she has not told them how sick she is and doesn't want to worry them. She expressed to me the other day that her house was a mess and that was one reason she won't let me in. I offered to come in a clean for her but she refused. The good thing is that she asked about a cancer support group called "pack rat helpers", not sure if that is the correct term, but she did say she would allow that group or one like to perhaps come in and start to assist, praise God! I need help in this area as I have never experienced long term health care issues. I am a Viet Nam Veteran and can be real emotional about pain and suffering as I have witnessed a lot o f carnage myself. I need to help her, and that's the most important thing. Can someone please tell me where I need to start. Appreciate your consideration.

Petpepsi
Posts: 3
Joined: Jan 2004

Everything you have said about your friend is exactly how I feel. Maybe if you let her know it is ok for her not be as strong as she once was, it is safe for her to let fiends know how vulnerable she is and how much you would want to be there for her . I think one of the biggest issues is our bodies and how we feel about them I am not interested in a sexual relationship so, (probably scared of it) let her off the hook and tell her you are not looking for a sexual relatioship, YOU JUST WANT TO HELP HER THROUGH ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES IN HER LIFE. Maybe once she can trust that fact. She may let you in a little at a time. I too have become a hermit and not interested in things that once made me happy. It is a struggle everyday that some of us have or have not the strength to overcome. I believe most of us need help in that department. I was once a very attractive woman and very very independent I find it very difficult to admit to myself and mostly to others I am not the same person.

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