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my son with HD

kavnan
Posts: 12
Joined: Jan 2004

My son was diagnosed with HD stage 2 October of 2002. He was 18 years old had just started his freshman year of college. He finished his 6 months of chemo in March 2003. He went through everything incredibly well. He always tried to have a positive outlook and was always acting more concerned about others rather than himself. Now that treatment is over, I am worried about him-that he is having a hard time moving on. He is still in school - never stopped going. He would come back and forth for treatments. School seemed to be a great escape for him. He will not date. He says no woman would want a guy with cancer. Even though his doctor says he will live to be an old man. I don't think he believes it. Do most people have these feelings?

AlloMan
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2003

Time heals all wounds (or is it, time wounds all heels?). You're son's going to deal with this the best way he can. We all have different ways of coping. You can try to get him to talk, but that'll be up to him. I was too scared of rejection to date when I was his age, and I didn't have cancer as an excuse. As time passes and he feels better, and feels better about himself, life will get back to "normal."

I don't plan on being an old man (I'm 38). I plan my life from one CT scan to the next. I try to live for the moment, because I don't know when the last moment will be. That's good and bad.

Give your son some time. Make sure he knows you're there to help him if he wants it.

kavnan
Posts: 12
Joined: Jan 2004

I think that everyone should live each day to its fullest because no one knows what tomorrow will bring. But, I find it sad for you to say you don't plan on living to be an old man. Why do you feel that way? It makes me wonder what my son is thinking. It is hard sometimes for me to ask things that I am thinking because I don't want to put negative ideas into his head. I don't want him to think I'm thinking negatively. I'm afraid that would scare him into thinking something more is wrong. It is so hard to watch my son go through this.

AlloMan
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2003

Why don't I plan on getting old? I don't want you to think your son will go through what I went through, but....I was diagnosed in 12/00, went into remission twice and relapsed twice. After relapse number two, a year ago, I went to a lymphoma specialist in NYC (I live in Connecticut) who told me I was terminal. I was able to get into remission number three and contrary to his advice, I had an allogeneic bone marrow transplant in May. I'm hopeful it will work, but it's a crap shoot. I've gone through treatment plans A, B and C, and plan D is that vacation I always wanted.

It's OK to have negative thoughts. Don't be afraid to share that with your son. If you're always sunshine and light, you may not come across as genuine. The more honest you are with him, the more honest he may be with you, and that may help him deal with all this.

Tell him the best revenge against cancer is living well (be it for 5 months or 50 years). He can take that from someone who's been there.

kavnan
Posts: 12
Joined: Jan 2004

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through so much. My son has been going to the University of Nebraska Medical Center, Lied Transplant Center for his care. People from all over the world come here for treatment... with great success. Maybe you could check into this. Our neighber has Leukemia and was not expected to live. He ended up having a stem cell transplant is now is doing wonderfully. I believe there is always hope and I pray for you that your treatments will work. I do know that Hodgkins is one of the more curable cancers. I do not know what lies in the road ahead for my son any more than I do for myself, but I do have great hope. I appreciate your willingness to talk to me. This is the first time I have talked to someone besides my son that can relate to what is going on.

Ronnie10
Posts: 20
Joined: Jan 2004

I am a 21 year old girl and I have Stage 2B Hodgkin's. I have had 6 rounds of chemo so far and have more to go. I can kinda understand why your son feels that way, so maybe I can try to help you feel better and him feel better. I am a senior in college, I was supposed to graduate in May, now I am not..it's going to be delayed. I just made one of the Dance Teams for a Philadelphia sports team. I was filmed for a calendar shoot a week before I started getting the fever that led to me being diagnosed. Obviously it is hard for me losing my hair and getting a port and having the scars now. I also have a boyfriend, and I was sooo afraid he was going to break up with me when I was first diagnosed. I thought that the physical appearence and all the emotional stress would ruin us. But I have learned that it has made us stronger than ever. And when I am done my treatments, I can't wait to start the rest of my life. Your son can't be afraid of what may happen..Hodgkin's is one of the cancers that really can be cured. He should be happy and take advantage of this second chance at life. Since I was diagnosed I have talked to a ton of people...I know at least 3 women that had this at least 10 years ago or more and are fine...one of them has 3 kids and the other has 2 kids. I talked to another person that had it in 1975!! And that's not even when the good medicines they have now were available. This has such a great prognosis. Tell him that a good girl will love him more just for the fact that he knows what is important in life and will appreciate everything so much more. Any girl would admire what he went through. Tell him to hold his head up high, it will be ok. If you would like to e-mail me, feel free Ronnie7782@aol.com. I would like to chat with you or your son anytime. It makes it easier for me to go through this if I can talk to others about it. Take care. :)

bill2531
Posts: 3
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi I was diagnosed in 1987...I was 24 yrs old...I had 6 months of chemo and 6 wks of radiation and 1 tumor removed for a biopsy. I never had those feelings but for awhile i worried about every little ache and pain. But the thing i think that helped me the most was just to do my normal everyday activities...when asked how i felt i would tell everyone that i had a little touch of cancer now i'm fine...what i found was that people had a hard time talking to me because they didn't know what to say but after i broke the ice and talked to them like it was no big deal they felt more relaxed around me and that made things a hell of a lot easier. I also gave a talk to nurses in training and that also helped me. now after 16yrs it doesn't come up that much but now i know lots of people who have had this illness...and there are many...at least here in Philly....so i think he needs to put this out of his head and get on with life....and as far as dating....most women i dated liked me for who i am.

curt191
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2004

You're probably having a harder time with this than your son. I had HD twice and didn't date for years and still suffer a little from Damocles Sword syndrome. Your son will be fine, give him time sometimes the realization of surviving takes a while to sink in and appriciate.

SRM
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2004

I was diagnosed with HD in 1977. I was 14 years old. It was very hard for me to tell anyone that I had cancer and still to this day I pick and choose the people that I want to share that with.
I give you son a lot of credit for continuing school. It is so easy to quit. My mom gave me the courage I needed to go to treatments-because there were times that I did not want to hear it-
It was a very difficult time. I have been cured for 27 years and I have a beautiful son and wonderful husband. Give your son time he will find someone that he can trust enough to share his life with.

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