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guilt

blzoe
Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi, I'm new to all this. My Mom recently died from glioblastoma multiforme. I am feeling many things, one of which is guilt. Maybe I didn't do enough research into alternative treatments. Maybe I missed something important in all the stuff the doctors threw at us. Maybe I didn't offer her enough comfort at the end. My Mom and I were very close, and I tried to be a good caregiver, but sometimes I was just so tired. And I missed my old life -- I spent most of a year taking care of Mom, lost my job, only saw my husband and my own home sporadically. And now I feel like it was all for nothing -- she's gone just the same. And I miss her so much.

h2oandland
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2004

Blizoe,

you did the best you could. that's what matters, you gave it your all. our bodies need to rest sometimes, to rejuvinate. she appreciated what you did even though she may have been too ill to let you know. the info from the dr's is overwhelming. gbm is tough to beat.Im sorry for your loss. I'm helping my sister through this. I lost another sister through a car accident . I felt a hole in my chest (heart) it went away. Life got back to normal but it always changes.you never know. do know in your heart that you did what needed to be done. take your time get
back on your feet and live your life to the fullest.
H2o

TAremote's picture
TAremote
Posts: 57
Joined: Nov 2003

I have stage 4 Glio Blastoma multiform, and was dx in July 2003. I can tell you that it is harder on the caregivers. For those of us with the cancer, we just roll with the punches, but for those providing the care, it is a guessing game on what they need to do. From what I have read in your note, you gave all you could give. I know in my case, just having the support of my family is enough. Being there is what counts. I'm sorry you have lost your Mom, I know it must be a hard time for you. Hang in there. At this time it might not feel like it, but things will get better. I lost my Dad to cancer, and you never forget them, but it does get better. One important piece, is that you want to get better...

God Bless you....
Tom

urban_sky
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi blzoe

I am actually experiencing many of the same thoughts and feelings you have just described, as my Mom is currently fighting a grade IV GBM. It's killing me to see her the way she is, and I keep wondering if I have done everything I could for her, did I ask the right questions, did I do enough research, did I miss something; have I fought the good fight?

If it helps, I honestly believe you "fought the good fight" and that your Mom appreciated everything you did and the sacrifices you made for her while she was sick. You were there by her side when she needed you most - she wasn't alone. That there is more than enough. She would be proud and thankful.

However, if you are like me, you can hear that time and time again and still not feel completely at ease. My wife keeps trying to remind me that I am only human; I have already done so much for my Mom, but that I simply can't "save" her. It is a hard pill to swallow, but I know deep down that at some point it is out of my hands, and out of the hands of the MDs, and ultimately in the hands of God.

While I can't even fathom it right now, I know that given enough time my heart wont feel so heavy, and I will be able to put my guilt behind me. At that moment, I will be able to truly celebrate my Mom's life and feel content to have been a part of it.

I wish you luck.

joc
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2004

Help. My father was diagnosed in July 2003 with GBM IV. He has gone through surgury, radiation, radio surgery and now chemo. Although up to this point he has led (somewhat) a normal life, I dont know what to expect from this point on.

I have also lost my mother to lung cancer when I was fifteen, and my brother from aids when I was 18. I am now 31, and other than my 2 children, my father is the last part of my family left.

When my mother passed away, I too felt guilt. I was young, didnt understand, never asked questions, no one talked about it. This time around I make it a point to be informed of the procedures, go to all the appts, so I can fully understand what the MD's are talking about.

I wish everyone here the best of luck - and any insight anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.

eckstrom
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2004

hi Blzoe-
I hope some of the feeling have subsided over the past months. My father just got diagnosed last week with GBM stage 4 and we're all going through the same things and looking for alternatives and treatments because all the outcomes that have been brought up have no hope of a positive outcome. I guess I'm just searching as you did for alternative ways/treatments that people who have gone though of are going through might know about. If you have any ideas or thoughts plese share - take care

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