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Dont Know how to cope

MonaButton's picture
MonaButton
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2003

My Dad passed away in Feb of this year, I thought I was doing fine in my grief but the last few weeks all I want to do is cry, I really dont even want to have Christmas since nothing will be the same with out his love and laughter to fill my home like it use to. Any more I find myself getting very angry for no real reason at all. I have no clue if thats normal or not. I just wish I had an idea of how to get past this so I could be a happier mom for my 3 girls, its really not fair to them that im so unhappy but I cant seem to get past my feelings. If any one has any Ideas please let me know.

hillbillycat
Posts: 79
Joined: Oct 2003

Hi Mona,I don`t really know what to say but anger is definately a normal responce to loss. My aunt lost her daughter and husband withen 3 days and it just takes time to heal but it does get better. If it didn`t we would (all) be in serious trouble. One thing I noticed Mona ,is that this emotional board site is not used much. What kind of cancer did your dad have ? Go to the part where that type of cancer is and talk on there. For instance I have breast cancer and talk on the breast cancer site.I always look to see if anyone writes back on this site(emotional) and it is rare to see a responce. If you would like to talk to a gruop that answers go to the breast cancer site.Hope to see you there......Shirl

crtsang
Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

Not only is it normal to be angry after losing someone you love, it is also normal to have all your feelings resurge around holiday time. I know that in some ways February sounds like a long time ago, but it isn't necessarily. I lost my mother in September 2001--we buried her on the 8th--and everyone in the family still misses her this Christmas. It's our third without her.
Take care of yourself. You need to give yourself compassion too. It takes time to recover from such a great loss.
Carol

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Mona, The holidays can be overwhelming during good times, and losses always seem heightened. I hope you are feeling a little relief now that Christmas is over. The pressure to seem merry is just not realistic. My dad passed away 3 yrs ago on Dec 27...his wedding anniversary, and I'm surprised by the strength of my feelings of loss at times. The anger is part of the roller coaster.
I hope you have someone with whom you are able to talk openly about how you are doing. Keeping up a strong front for the kids is understandable, but creates an added strain. Have you considered a bereavement group? or perhaps seeing a counselor individually? Sometimes just having a time and place with permission to mourn your loss can be very healing. It's hard to find the time with family demands, but its hard to find the energy to deal with family if you are overwhelmed. I hope you have someone... primary care doc, minister, local support group, that can give you the time you need to get some support. Hang in there; this grieving process is tough. Judy

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